From A Child Of Divorce: When Your Kid Doesn't Want To Go To Daddy's

Posted to Resource Articles by Vanessa M on Wed, 05/05/2010 - 8:04am

I was that child that didn't want to go to Daddy's. Nobody was cruel. I wasn't beaten, or denied food and shelter — I just didn't want to go. We didn't really do anything at my Dad's. We "hung out". Which is fine when you have your friends and your toys, your books, etc. But when you've got nothing but your sleeping bag (see earlier blog), it's kind of dull.

But there was more to it than just boredom. I felt secure with my Mom, and I wanted to stay with her and the things I knew rather than go to my Dad's where there were new and unknown things. There was a new stepmother, and her whole family, and while they were all very nice (I even called my stepmother's mother Grandma Ellen) — it was all so different. And I didn't know my place. As a 5 year-old, I wasn't much of an adventurer, I guess.

And so, for these reasons, and some others I've left out — I didn't want to go to my Dad's. And maybe your child doesn't either. What do you do?

I decided to ask my Mom what she did. She told me that when we were young, she just made us (though she did admit to a time or two when I made such a fuss that she threw in the towel and called up and told my Dad that we were sick). She said that she spoke to me about why I didn't want to go and tried to talk to my Dad and Stepmom, etc. but that what she realized was that I was right. That my Dad and Stepmom were different from her, and that the life we lived with them was different from the life that we lived with her.

While we may not have liked it, and while she may not have liked it — different wasn't necessarily bad, and she couldn't prevent our father from seeing us. And it was probably for the best. I suppose it taught me about making the best of things, and about discovering that something you fear (like a new stepfamily) can turn into something you enjoy.

As I got older, there were other, newer reasons I didn't want to go. And this had more to do with better offers. I was 10, 12, 14 — I wanted to be with my best friend at the mall (I just wanted to be at the mall), or at the movies, etc. One weekend away, and well, there's no telling how much a person can miss. At this point my Mom made me tell my Dad that I didn't want to go. I hated this. And it wasn't just for weekends but for holidays, too. At 13, I felt I was old enough to decide. And so my Mom said fine, but I had to tell him. Again, she was right. It sucked, but she still did the right thing.

I'm sure that there were times when my Mom wished that she could just keep me to herself. I'm sure that there were times when she hated sending me off, knowing I didn't want to go. I'm glad she didn't take the easy way out for either of us.

Click the following to return a directory of articles and resource videos on Kids, Family and Divorce.

Comments

A little different.

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 3:43am.

I've been searching for something similar to the situation we are in. It seems like everyone might have some insight here. My husband and his ex-wife have a 4 year old daughter. They divorced when she was 2. I have been in the picture since she was 2.5 and have raised her as my own (I don't have any bio kids, yet). The ex has 3 kids with 3 different fathers, and both other kids were taken away or raised by other people for the time she was with my Husband and hid them from him. She's trying to raise them all with the settlement from the divorce, (which she spent already) and she has no income other than welfare and food stamps. We aren't concerned for the daughters safety, but just the environment (her half brother and half sister are not good role models, neither is her mom). We have a nice house, nice things, she has her own bedroom that she helped paint. She calls me mom2, which is fine. I raise her. We are both educated people. She will be better off with us. She sees her mom Friday night to Saturday one weekend and then to Sunday the next.. But today she said she didn't want to come here. She wanted to stay at her moms. Because "at mommy's I can do whatever I want." She doesn't have a bedtime, she can eat whatever she wants, she can watch all the tv she wants and because it's the weekend she doesn't have to go to school (which she doesn't understand). I just want this woman out of her life. But I understand the importance of her seeing her mom. But it truly feels like a knife in my heart when she says she doesn't want to be here. We're not authoritarians by any means. We just have a routine. And a good one, that's good for her. And we do have time when there aren't things scheduled. And she does watch tv here, but not all day. If anyone has any insight or thoughts on this, please reply. Thanks. A frustrated mom2.

Kids Need You To Encourage and Maintain A Relationship

Submitted by OthersFirst (not verified) on Sat, 01/19/2013 - 1:22pm.

What ever happened to accountability? It is not only the custodial parents' job to encourage a relationship with the non-custodial parent: as the non-custodial parent, you have more time and energy to encourage a relationship with your children. Do not simply rely on your ex or your children to put forth every effort in maintaining a postive relationship. Make your children feel special, have a special room and area just for them. Call them regularly, go to their school functions, offer to have them over and do homework at least once a week. Things move quickly in childhood and if the kids feel like you do not value them, eventually they will reciprocate.

What ever happened to

Submitted by OthersFirst (not verified) on Sat, 01/19/2013 - 1:19pm.

Mom and Dad? or Primary Caregiver and Non-Custodial Parent?

Submitted by Dad Who Cares (not verified) on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 6:47pm.

I'm a divorced parent and have experience with these issues. Abuse situations aside, children benefit when both parents are engaged and active in their life. Your dead wrong if you think otherwise and should get over yourself! Children need the advice and guidance of 'both' parents, even when their opinions differ. In fact, different and constructive opinions can be a very good thing if you maintain respect for the other's point of view or interpretation. And don't change titles just because your marriage failed and you got divorced. I hate that. You're still mom and dad! The title of 'Primary Caregiver' doesn't make you special all of a sudden, and title of Non-Custodial Parent doesn't mean your input is less valued or that sporting events, recitals, doctor appointments are optional. Children 12 and under should not be given the choice to see or not see a parent. They must go and know there's no other option available. If they complain, object or you simply spot trouble, encourage them to solve their own problems or boredoms, and give their other parent a 'heads up'. It's common for teenagers to change visitation plans and be more selfish or self-centered. If that's the case, strike a compromise with schedules but don't give up - pick an age appropriate activity, then focus on the 'fun' and leave your lecture notes at home. Most importantly, be careful with your words. If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all (in front of the children)! Don't burden your children with your negativity or guilt - they deserve better.

My Daughter

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 7:02pm.

I divorced my wife, but soon found out that I lost my daughter in the process. My son who is now turning 16 comes to visit me but not once my daughter. I've gone to there house and had dinner talked and watched tv a few times over the last 5 years, but it's not the same. This next month she turns 18 and off to a local NY college she goes. Not taking advantage of the schooling I offered her. I'm thinking that I might just walk away and see if maybe over the next few years she might reach out to me. People I've talked with over the past few years have all said don't give up on her, but I think I am now. It breaks my heart to know the little girl that loved me so much as a child wont even acknowledge me anymore.

You're not telling the entire

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 12:54am.

You're not telling the entire story scumbag. You divorced your wife, but you were cheating on her during your marriage. Your 18 year old daughter knows all about it and will not forgive you for splitting up the family and leaving them for some cheap whore, but your son is forgiving. Your daughter is doing just fine if she's off to a local NY College. You're not offering shit cause you are not the one applying to these schools. You act is if you can just buy her love, but you can't cause you are a true shitem. Dickhead you walked away when you left your wife and family. You chose this route. The people you talked to don't know the real a-hole you are or they'd say leave that girl alone. You have no heart. The little girl that thought she loved you realized that you were fake!

I am going thru the same

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Fri, 01/18/2013 - 12:28pm.

I am going thru the same thing right now. My heart aches for you. All we can do is the best we can do.

Coping mechanisms...

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 01/09/2013 - 12:26am.

My ex husband and I separated Aug 2012 after a decade of horrific abuse. I had always sworn that I would never get in the way of my girls seeing or having a relationship with their dad, but I did manage to put some major stipulations on visitations. As I live and breathe, my girls know that there is no way that I will EVER allow overnight or weekend visits. He has to come to them and I gave him the freedom to dictate when and how often. I let him talk quite loudly there; he only comes once every two weeks and for an hour. They know I do not trust his judgments and that he is neglectful with even the basics of their care. The girls and I also talk regularly about their feelings about their dad and while they don't always want to see him, I encourage it. I just tell them they don't have to stay the whole time, and I wait in a spot where they can see me. (it's supervised). As a woman who has survived abuse, I can honestly say it's very difficult sometimes to not let emotions dictate actions, but it can be done. To say I've never badmouthed him to my kids... Yea.. I'd be lying. But on the flip side, I often apologize and tell them that it's because I am hurt and angry and that I shouldn't do that. He is a manipulative emotional blackmailer and I do fear what he would do or say to our kids, but my retaliation is to play as nice as I can, give my daughters the chance to speak and be heard, fight on their behalf in the courts, keep them and myself emotionally healthy, and be as good a Mom I can! This is not the life I imagined for my kids, but the least I can do is salvage what is left and work with what I've got : ) Plus... the girls need to figure out who their dad is for themselves. For me to dump that on them is unfair and usually backfires.

13 year old daughter just doesn't have the time of day for me.

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 12/20/2012 - 6:26pm.

Me and her mother broke up when she was 18 months old, she cheated. We were living in Spain and I came home. From that moment trying to contact a 18 month old across a phone is bad enough but when the mother is the worst sort of person, it makes it very difficult. I lost contact because of an argument and never saw my daughter for 9 years, her mother had vanished. Since being back in touch about 3 and a half years, no matter what I do my daughter has no time for me, except birthdays and Christmas. I tried explaining to her, got upset about it, blah blah blah in the end I have up expecting love and just gave it. Her mother all this time has been the devil, she's messed up a trip that cost me over £800 and I basically haven't seen her for 2 years again. She is over for Christmas, as she started to write in October. I don't slag her mum off, I'm a good parent who tries to give unbiased advice and gives her everything I possibly can and I'm not rich. I sold my hobbie to pay for her to come this time and get her presents. But as soon as I met her at the airport, she couldn't even manage a little hug, arms down by the side. She has no affection for me what so ever, she told the dog whilst I was smoothing him to bite me. She's not a bad kid in general quite bright so it's not stupidity. My point is, there is nothing I can do to make her love me and I can't expect her too, unconditional love is not he love you get, it's the love you give. It's hard, very but it's my job and I best get on with it. Just wanted to share.

Parents that don't enforce visitation with other parent

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 5:46pm.

I don't believe in making kids go on there weekend visit However I do think the custodial parent should highly encourage it. What I would like to see happen which would never happen is that when a child has makes a decision not to want to visit other parent and custodial parent supports it that regardless of age of child it's treated as if child was 18 and custodial parent no longer gets child support for that child. I would bet that if that were the rule kids would be carried to the car. Assuming that NCP is a good loving person but is unfortunately has a very selfish kid I am only speaking of kid not wanting to go not because bad parent just other stuff more important. So sad cause one day they may need that parent and they may just not be there for them

This is so true I have been

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sun, 01/20/2013 - 10:25am.

This is so true I have been dealing with this four 5 years it is something that should be written in every parenting agreement although the law does not support that.

The Child's View; I think I broke my father's heart today

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 12/06/2012 - 4:56pm.

My parents divorced when I was five. I had the pretty normal response I guess... Shock, depression, but also courage. I tried so hard to convince my older brother and myself that this was going to be a good thing for us, that it would make our parents happier. Even before the divorce was final my dad had a girlfriend who had two daughters of her own. A month after the divorce was finalized my dad and his girlfriend got married (in secret), and then married in public 8 months later. I have always disliked my stepmother. We have never seen eye to eye. She and my brother also had issues, but she had a soft spot for him because more than anything she wanted a son. My step sisters and I were close in age, and although I complained about them nonstop to my mother (and still do) we got along pretty well. During the first two years of the divorce my stepsisters and I played with the idea of my dad and their mom having a baby together. My brother and I told my mom that it would "build the bridge between our families" that our stepmother craved. However, it came as a shock to me when seven years later they happily told us that my step mom was pregnant. I was less than pleased to say the least. The baby came and with it a tornado of hurt and anger from my brother and me. One day my brother (who was fourteen at the time) called my father and said that he could no longer go over to his house. He told him that our step mom was a "whore" whose only true joys in life were making my brother and me miserable. He swore to my father that if he really was going through with the whole baby thing than he could expect not to see my brother anymore. My brother, Noah, held true to this promise for several months. Five months after the baby was born however, he cracked. He still didn't go over on Wednesdays or Thursdays like I did, but did stick with our every other weekend schedule. He kept this schedule for all of high school and got better grades for it. After all, a infant/toddler does not exactly make for a great work environment. My brother is now in college. I'm a junior and am incredibly stressed from all of my work. I love my father but I despise my stepmother. I love my baby sister too, but she is four and a bully... she likes to walk over my homework and tease me. She calls me fat and ugly (which is a touchy subject for me... I'm not fat, but I have always been self conscious about my face). She tells me she hates me some days while others she sings about how much she loves me. No matter what she is saying though, it is loud. I can't focus and I'm unable to do my school work. Tonight I broke my father's heart. My stepmother had just made another snarky comment about whatever ( I think she was insulting my scarlet letter monopoly game that I worked very hard on), while singing the praises of my little sister. My dad just sat there not even registering the hurt on my face when my step mom insulted me. I told him that I wasn't sure if I could keep coming over on weekdays. That it just wasn't working. The whole time my little sister was yelling at him to play and he looked confused and like he was going to cry. I don't want to hurt him, I love him... but I hate his house and his wife and his new "little" girl... I love seeing him... My mom had a terrible relationship with her father and I want to break that and show that divorces don't need to ruin this, but I can't keep coping with my step mom's abusive comments and the smirks my baby sister flashes me every time she walks across my monopoly project leaving little foot sized dents in it-- only to have my step mom yell at me for yelling at my sister. I suppose this is one of the less dramatic reasons for not wanting to go over to my dad's house any more... but I just wanted to let the dads know that it hurts us kids to not go just as much as it hurts them

Oldest Son does not want to see father

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Tue, 12/04/2012 - 7:48pm.

My almost 13 year old son has not seen his father in almost a year. His father has been verbally abusive to him and he finally had enough a year ago. On New Years Eve his father dropped him off and my son asked me if some questions about his soon to be step grandfather(I am geting married soon and this is his step fathers-father). When I asked him why he was asking these things he said well dad said he is a convict and he was in prison for a while. This man is was in the navy for many years, worked for the US Postal Service and now owns his own business but he has never been in trouble with the law or gone to prison or jail. I had later called his father and asked why he was saying these things to our children and thats its not health or right when he does not know these people. His father denied this and said the kids must have mis understood him blah blah blah. Well he later called my boys to speak to them and asked them why they told me what he said. My oldest told him he wanted to know if it was true, his father then said if you cannot keep what I say and do to yourself you can stay at your F*%#@ing mothers house. my son has not been there since. My 11 year old goes there once or twice a month for a day at a time and I ask my oldest if he wants to see his father and the answer is always no. I have him in councseling and his father thinks that I am keeping the oldest from seeing him and wants to force the oldest to go. The last time we went to court the law guardian stated that the oldests visitations should be liberal because of the verbal abuse his father has subjected him to in th past(that was almost 4 years ago) and the judge told my ex that he if it was up to him he would not see the kids at all. I make my oldest tell his father he does not want to go there because I will not be the messenger. I am wondering if I should petition the court to modify the order in light of the situation. His father was ordered to take anger management classes and parenting class as part of the visitation order and has failed to do so. I hate that he does not want to visit his father but I want whats best for him and I am wondering if its for the best and if so should I petition the court to modify the visitation order.

We're going through the same

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Tue, 01/29/2013 - 3:40pm.

We're going through the same thing with our kids. History of abuse 7 years ago, but still granted visitation. The abuse continued after we divorced. During July last year, when the latest gf called me screaming because he had abused her, I decided to withhold visitation. Upon returning home the kids told us stories of witnessing abuse towards women and his own 3 year old son (not mine-by another woman), being placed in ANOTHER gf's house b/c he was fighting with the main gf, and witnessing a man coming into the home with a bag and leaving with an envelope. The kids were immediately put into counseling. The ex called and harassed me, but has only shown up in person 3 times in the last 5 months. He's not even fighting me when clearly I'm in contempt of the order. When my oldest turned 13, I did the same thing, (had HIM tell his father himself) but the accusations kept swirling about ME making these choices and NOT the kids. The ex threatened to beat my son's a** and told him he would come by and get them from school and keep them from me so I'd know how it felt. We had to drag the kids to school for weeks b/c they were so scared. I did consult an attorney. She said I have no hard evidence except the testimonies of the children and possibly of the gf's if I subpoena them. Modifying would cost me $5,000 starting out and POSSIBLY give me supervised visitation. Which defeats the purpose of NO VISITATION! Since orders are already in place, You have to have solid proof of why dad is not suitable as a father. Just like us, if the son was threatened by dad...it's his word against dad. No recording. No proof. If you were on speaker phone, then the opposing team can accuse you of putting words in the son's mouth. (It's not fair!) Our counselor called CPS, but of course nothing happened to the ex. CPS did agree I was doing the right thing and I was keeping my kids because I was in fear for their lives. As for us, we just keep denying visitation and wait for HIM to haul me into court where yes, he can prove I'm disobeying the orders...but then a judge will give me the chance to explain why I did it. The man is guilty of abuse, though he's convinced himself and everyone else he isn't, and he won't waste his own money. He will always deny abuse, accuse me of forcing the kids to stay and threaten to take me to court. Since you haven't had any recent incidences to prove dad's currently abusive, you may not have enough evidence. But before you take my advice, consult with MULTIPLE attorneys to see what each one says. Good luck! (FYI-several types of legal "advisors" have hinted at the possibility of allowing the kids to consult on the phone in order to record abuse. Only problem, is it can be used against you, that you are allowing communication with the ex...so maybe he isn't as abusive as you say he is.)

Oldest Son does not want to see father

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 12/06/2012 - 2:16pm.

I have the same problem with my son (almost 13) and his dad (rude and bad behaivor).The last time he visited his father he spent only two hours and then he started texting me :Please pick me up, I can't stay... First, I was very scare and doesn't know how to reply; He told me they started arguing and now he just want to get out of his dad's house. I encoraged him to talk to his Dad to finish the fight and if its not getting better then tell him he is not staying and Mom will pick him up. I went to therapy with my son, the specialist said his dad talked about sex (how to use a condom, taught him to drive and blame me on the six months my son didn't see him). I divorced his father five years ago, but we never can talk or have a friendly relationship. I married again, and my son loves his step dad. I don't know what to do because his dad want to spend winter brake with his son (and I undestand that), but what should I do force my son to do and hear this he doesn't want to ???? Of course, if my son doesn't go, I will be in court because my ex is accusing me of not sharing custody or visitations. My son wants to go to court or talk to a judge because he doesn't want to visit his dad.

Reply

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 9:53pm.

I know how you feel. I am going through the same thing. My son age 7 almost 8 refuses to go to his dads. He is afraid of his dad. I am facing court again due to no complying with visitation. My son wrote a letter to the judge stating why he is afraid and why he dont want to go of course words are misspelled but hey he tried

My story...from the other perspective

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Tue, 12/04/2012 - 11:29am.

I am a mother of three children, two from my first marriage, 16 & 11, and one from a subsequent marriage, daughter age 3. My youngest daughter's father and I separated about 8 months ago and she has had a really hard time with it. Her father was a SAHD since she was 5 months old. About a year and a half before we separated, he asked that I put her in daycare so that she could learn to be around other children her age, so I did. He and I have agreed upon shared custody of our daughter in that she is with him for a week & with me for a week. When we separated, my children & I left the family home & rented a house closer to my work. All of my youngest daughter's toys & things were left at his house. I have always been the "enforcer" with her because dad can't stand to see her cry. He gives in to everything that she wants & gives her her way. I feel that children need rules & structure. Once we were apart, he kept her out of daycare during his week & she had to go during my week because I have to work. He is still a SAHD due to disability. She almost never wants to come to my house when it's my week, she cries & cries & he steps in as the savior and says "You can come back whenever you get ready" or "Do you want to wait and go another day?" It infuriates me. He is destroying my relationship with my baby girl. He speaks ill of me in front of her, I know this because she tells me. He has a new live in girlfriend that my daughter seems to like. I am also dating someone, but he doesn't live with me. I just allowed him to meet my daughter recently & she told me that she can't like him because daddy said so. I'm just at my wit's end and don't know where to turn. I don't want to take her away from her daddy that she loves so dearly & limit their visits to every other weekend, but I also don't want our relationship destroyed ny his spitefulness. What in the world do I do?

I found out that many people

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 1:57pm.

I found out that many people like still go through what I am and I still can not wait to decid because I just don't like going there because he boring and he thinks my half sister is a real one .he gets made because I treat my nephew better than her but nobody under stands and I so angry I keep say to my mom{He will never see me one I decide and so she doesn't want me to end up like my real real sister did with her dad}.Please tell me what to do .

Kids and their mother.

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 11/15/2012 - 4:41pm.

We have a problem the really doesn't come up often but when it does we never know quite what to do about it. My kids birth mother has not been a part of their lives in over 8 years with the occasional call once a year. Sometimes she has gone two years between calls. When she does call she still treats our 13 year old daughter like she is four. When she calls, she sounds stoned which makes the kids wonder what her problem is. I tell them that she has issues both mental and drug related. My daughter is getting to the point when her mother calls, she dreads it and doesn't want to talk to her. Her mother was ordered to go to counseling and to have only supervised visitation when the counselor approved it. That was 8 years ago and she went to two counseling sessions and never went after that. She has numerous arrests and the latest was for auto theft. She is bi-polar, borderline personality disorder and sphysophrenic. Our son is deaf and we have the equipement for her to talk to him but she never bought her part so that they could actually talk. She never really asks about him anyway. She tells our daughter that she is dying every time she calls. Even though that has been only once a year or rarely twice, it's a lie and I'm left to discuss with the kids why their mother is the way that she is without making her out to be some evil person. I know she's not evil. She is sick, but she also knows how to manipulate and make people believe that she's this innocent victim. At 13, is my daughter old enough to make up her own mind if she wants to talk to her mom or should I still make her? Our daughter is a very smart girl and has told her mother that she's not a baby anymore and to quit asking what 'dad' or 'that woman he's married to' is doing. That if she wants to talk about her life that's fine but the other stuff isn't any of her business.. That is what the ex does. Talks to her daughter to get information on me. She doesn't ask about how school is or how she's doing. My ex is extremely jealous that my now wife of 5 years has known and been a part of my kids life since 2 years before we married.. Longer than the kids even knew their real mom. How do I deal with these phone calls? Thanks.

Do what I did change your

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Fri, 11/23/2012 - 10:14pm.

Do what I did change your number and dont look back-she is an unfit parent why subject yourself and children to that!

Shared parenting is rubbish

Submitted by Mother (not verified) on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 5:16pm.

Shared parenting is rubbish unless both parents want it, young children should spend every night with their mothers at least up to the age of 5 it is a mothers right, she carried and fed those babies and did everything else for those pre school years, they can see their fathers during the day. Young children need consistency in their lives and that means one bedroom at their mothers home. Some fathers want to be the 'mother' as well as the worker (main provider) and homemaker and basically everything the Mum does, they should just back off and let the mum be the mum for the first few years and appreciate that this is a role women were born to. The courts should also recognise the importance of this and respect a mothers role, some women live for this and it is so very natural. I think the whole court system stinks for mothers in Australia and the USA we have rights and our babies should be not tossed from one home to another in the most important early years of their lives, this is a womens right to nuture and protect her young men should not have a say in this on any level, so come on mums start telling the world what we think, lets stop being pushed around, start letting the courts know here in Australia and the USA. The lawyers go by the laws so do the judges we the Mothers of the world need to change them, start writing, emailing be heard fight for our rights as women, mothers.

What if the mother is absent?

Submitted by Stepmother (not verified) on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 9:29pm.

I am a stepmother, raising my stepson full-time. His biological mother abandoned him and her husband when my stepson was 2 years old. 3 years later when my stepson was 5 she came back in the picture. My husband had to switch to night shift and put his son in daycare (at night) when she left. His mother missed the all important preschool years of his life. Does she still have her rights just because she gave birth to him? Should he spend every night at her house although she's a stranger to her own son as he does not remember living with her when he was a little boy? My stepson spends every other weekend at her house now because that's what the papers say. She takes advantage of her right most of the time, unless it interferes with her life and she has other plans. She also wants him for Christmas, Easter, and Mother's Day. After all ... she's mom, right? She's supposed to pay child support which she never does. But, after all, she's mom and she does not have to fulfill her responsibilities because she gave birth to her son. But she can show up any time to claim her rights. I agree that kids should not have to go back and forth between homes. I agree they should be allowed to live where they feel safe and secure. I agree that the courts don't always decide what is best for the child. But - that does not mean that the person who gave birth is necessarily the best choice.

Uh, no.

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 12/05/2012 - 1:19pm.

You back your assertion that young children should spend every night with their mother with absolutely no evidence. The bar for denying fathers' rights should be set very high and should be backed with unequivocal outcomes data. I don't think you can extrapolate your experience to every situation. In essence, what you are saying is that women have such unique skills in parenting that men could not possibly hone them and put them to effective use in raising children. How is this argument, though, different from the cockamamie assertion that women shouldn't be pilots or surgeons or presidents, because they are constitutively incapable of the roles? That is utter nonsense. In the 21st century that's just as ridiculous a belief as the statement that fathers are incapable of primary care giving roles to young children. I'm sorry, if you can't back up your claims with published data, then they represent unfounded claims and should be considered invalid.

agree

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 6:03pm.

Completely agree with this comment. I divorced my kids dad, My youngest daughter who was 1 at the time was a nightmare toddler getting past from piller to post poor thing couldnt cope. I did everything i could but the court ruled otherwise which makes it difficult for mothers to have a say on anything. He would take our children i didnt know who he left them with until they came home, food, routine gone. Once he got them i was told to but out or basically stop being a mam untill i got them back (it was awful) and so showed in her preschool years she was angry unsociable and has taken untill juniors for her to settle down. My eldost daughter was a bit older and coped a bit better but she still suffered to. He is one of those dads who pleads to the courts that his a divoted dad. Gets what he wants and then leaves them with other ppl while he goes out. I'm just living for the day i can say get stuffed to him for GOOD!

what to do

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sun, 10/28/2012 - 8:14pm.

Hello, my name is mary I want to know what can i do. My Ex keep talking bad about me to our kids they are 13 an 8. He tell them bad thing about me every time he pick the kids up every other weekend. Now the kids dont want to go over to his home any more. What can i do to protect my kids..

child of divorce

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Tue, 10/09/2012 - 10:15am.

It is sad to see mothers use their children to get even with daddy. My experience is with my fiances daughter. Her mother does everything she can to make him look bad to his daughter and since she has custody he had very little time to counteract what she says and does. She tells her daughter that her father is a liar and a cheat. That he is money hungry and wont help her out just for spite. Doesnt matter that the truth is father doesnt have much money and paid all of his child support on time. Mom can make him sound so bad and she does. Daugher is grown now but still lives near mom and get treated regularly to the nonsense mom says about dad. It has caused a real rift between daughter and father. But i guess it doesnt matter that a major relationship has been damaged it only matters that you were able to get even and hurt him.. Time to grow up and stop using your child as a pawn for revenge.

my siblings

Submitted by candace (not verified) on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 2:52am.

So I am 27 and my parents have been seperated longer than divorced. It's been 3 years.My father was the problem. I saw how he treated my mom and she didn't deserve to be treated this way. She has her faults but does try to own up to them. I guess you could say I tolerate my father. My sisters 11 and 15 don't want to see him at all. They couldn't wait until we moved from the house away from our father. We are 5 living siblings. He was mostly verbally abusive and we experienced and saw a lot. I got stuck as being the supervisor of visitation for like 3 months and it sucked. He begged for visitation and they don't want to go. I am tired of being the transporter to the visitations. My mother has a protective order against him so she had cut all ties of communication from him. I and the gopher and am sick of it. How can a parent push the whole family away and expect all to be happy and jolly? He is not the victim.

Agreed.

Submitted by MargaretLM (not verified) on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 11:26pm.

I am currently 17 years old. My parents had me at age 16 and were never married. I think it's kind of a good thing that my parents were never married, because at least I don't know what I'm missing (but at the same time, I'd like to have proof that my parents actually loved (or really just tolerated) each other at some point) I live primarily with my mom, but visit my dad every other weekend and once a weekday. My mom and stepdad have a son, my half sister, who I have grown up with. When I was little, I enjoyed going to my dads because it was like a mini vacation. As I got older, however, my dad created more of a life outside of me and him. He married my step mother. When I was nine they had my first half brother, and my second at age 11. At that point, coming over just seemed awkward, like I was intruding on somebody else's life. To this day, I still go over there and find that I blank out and then come out of it wondering if what was happening was part of some dream. Of course, it's not. It's just a part of life that I have never really gotten accustomed to, but will always live with.

I am 10 and i am going through this now

Submitted by Annabelle (not verified) on Tue, 08/28/2012 - 12:40am.

Ever since my parents are divorced, i started crying almost all the time. I had a brother and sister who is 5&9 . I was really sad because i only have times with my mom on the weekends and the school days with my dad. I lived with my mom and dad at my grandma's house for 10 years. But now im staying at my fathers side of the family. When i left home(mom's) i started crying because i miss her a lot and also my grandma. Living with dad is soo boring and everytime i did something wrong my dad will hit me ,mom never did that to me! I had to take care of my sibling cuz they really dont understand about this situation.I miss my mom and i will always love her with all my heart

Story breaks my heart

Submitted by C (not verified) on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 3:48am.

Breaks my heart to read this. I am a mommy to two beautiful boys one just turned 8 and the other will be 2 in just 2 days!! They both have different fathers, and they both live with me. My youngest son, his dad and I are still together, however my oldest his dad and I separated before he was two years old! He just came into his life recently, well two years ago(August 2010) which made him almost 6 and his first year at "big school=kindergarten" and that wasn't so easy for him to adapt with a new school and new teacher in his life, and so his dad trying to force him upset and angered him but I had to make him because of fear court not letting me have custody. He is now 8 as I said and court started August 2010- it is now December 2012 and he still refuses or gets upset to go, which has hurt out relationship in a little bit, because moms are protectors, he knows I wouldn't let people hurt him but he doesn't understand the court and state laws of why parents do their best to cooperate. It's sad when you have a great mommy, and you need to talk to your principal, teacher, counselor, or even more extreme call DHR, even with no bruises I say that because doing so will maybe be a cry for help that will make someone aware to help you. You could tell someone to let you live with a grandparent so you don't have to hurt withers feelings until court decides a final visitation. Express loudly, consistency, fluently, and LOUD, write a letter to your court system mailing to an attorney in a phonebook, mail it to your county courthouse and label it to family serves emergency young child letter, put in there respond immediately, your ten your voice counts sweetheart, don't be manipulated much longer by him, call 911 from phone and whisper address and name or say dads first name and last couple times, that way you can also have it where they can maybe see his reaction to knowing you called and so you can then have back-up witnesses express clingy toward them so they can put you at your grandmothers or a friends or ESP mom, but don't lie be real, about all your feelings, because your to old to not be heard, and I think children end up getting forced to live with people yet parents don't hangout with those they aren't comfortable with. Do something to not go, or to get heard? Tell a friend to have their mom come see you at school for lunch so that you can chat, and make sure you tell her recent things, I do t know why your nor allowed to be with your mom, but understand that, both of your parents love you so much, I tell my son that daily, his father hates me, but that could not be the reason your dad does whatever he does. In my case with my son his father would rather force him to go and abuse him verbally but all while he doesn't see my child says very strong fully to many people he hates him, he wishes etc would happen so he won't see him for etc reasons, his dad isn't hurting me he's making me angry to see my child hurt, he really is hurting his son and any future relationship. My son would go see his dad whenever if it wasn't demanded and if while there he could still call me, or come home if he ask to, or if his dad wouldn't punish him so brutally and talk to him like another person and explain rather why he can't do etc, verse physically punish him, or if his dad understood what children do and how hyper they get, or different levels of attitude, instead of thinking that because his head hurts and kid is being loud it's okay to punish so horribly. Thing is as I said before, my son loves his dad, but he is more comfy here, he also has a parent and step parent and his brother that actually treat him like he has a voice we let him talk and we are good parents to know a made up lie to the real deal. He knows we go to sport activities when he's with his dad that weekend, even practices, and when I have through the week each day of a week besides when he goes to see his dad every other weekend, I take him to those practices and games, and he knows that but thing is, his dad barely does all that, so he already can point out selfish, all about his fathers things to do then his, again no idea what it is, but do know this, whatever is going on will make you grow to be a very loving and caring person as well as, a fantastic mother one day, because situations aren't alike, but our childhood can help us in our adult years, IF YOU MAKE A SITUATION INTO A GOOD ONE! It's easier said since I am now an adult but trust me, don't lash out in violence, drugs, sex, alcohol, be a girl that understands that it's important to be kind to others everyday, and to be a great listener since you can't seem to get heard, PRAY, Don't think God isn't watching, sometimes God does it on his own time and that's better than what we could have ever done, maybe you will soon have both adults hear your voice and know you are unhappy and to work together to amend this issue. Lastly, God loves you, and your parents, it's always something in the middle that is reasons for behaviors not your behaviors, and just to throw this in there, I don't know you but ill pray for you and I will continue until I think God helped you, and your mom loves you and misses you ten times more like I do my son but sometimes you may think moms don't help but they do more than you know, except we try and do it the way that causes no criminal acts, or jail time, and we try to get sure facts in place to be sure to get y'all home with us(moms) and sometimes parents can be scared to do things because of threats made by the other family, so never think none of them love you they do even the ones that tend to hurt you the most for some reason they can't wake up to see what is really happening, they are making their child not love them, and some never speak again:( I hope this gets to you, if it doesn't that shows your parent whichever does get it, shouldn't be who you live with, and God will see that happen so hopefully prayers will help your voice.

Wow...there is now love here

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sun, 08/26/2012 - 9:44pm.

Parents are supposed to support their children, not just financially but also mentally. When a couple separates it is often easier for a man to walk away and build another life but not always easy for him to walk away from his kids. A woman will become vindictive once she knows that the child is a pon that can be used to hurt this man. Problem is this...it hurts the kids. They see a divide and this dived causes them to chose sides. There are kids that dream of the day they see their father and wonder where he is. Yet the kids that know and see their father turn away from the man that wants to be there for them. Borden...The life of another human which is your own flesh and blood...created you and loved you but in the middle of a battle,you turned and made your side your enemy. It's so sad when a kid that can visit their father turns their back on the bond of this human that helped to create them. The lack of love has been converted to fun, friends, and video games. The kids that have their father all the time living with them do not feel bored...they feel loved as they feel confident that their father will be home or around in the morning when they get up. Taking the life of your father for granted will leave you full of hate and hollow. When a kids hates someone, it's best to find out the real reason. It always comes back to attention as most of the time the father will move on a stepmother will be part of this picture and things turn worse. Mothers that take this advantage take life away from their kids. They teach their kids that the easy way out is ok...don't go over. They teach their kids that they can make a decision that is life change...life effecting...'Don't See Him if You Don't Want To", "You Don't Have to Go If You Don't Want To". Kids cry for their fathers when he is not around...while other kids care less for him when he is around. The lack of love is the reason this blog exist. Bored of your father is a sad reason not to visit the man of our life. This always hurts him...but you don't care because you love your video games and friends over your father. Sad day...two different kids in this story. Kids that want to see their fathers. Kids that can see their father but chose not to.

What?

Submitted by Junkboy (not verified) on Thu, 11/22/2012 - 11:10am.

Did you not hear the kid? Im a kid going though this right now in the same thing he is going though when ever i do something that my dad doesn't like he hits me and throws me down i cant tell anybody because i feel that people ( mostly his side of the family) will hate me if i do. The last comment was unadvised and unethical you didn't even read his post. kids shouldn't have to be moved from one place to another and in the middle of a custody war. So read his comment before bashing what he is saying.

reply

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sat, 11/10/2012 - 6:44pm.

A child's role is not to make their parent happy and feel secure; it is the other way around- it IS to have fun with their friends, play games. They are a CHILD and should not be expected to live up to adult reasoning or obligations. It is not the child's role to worry about hurting their father, they are a child. Your reasoning and critique of these kids is somewhat disturbing to me and seems to make the father out to be a helpless individual instead of the child who needs to BE a child. It is pretty simple to assume the child's father was 'all the time living with them' and a swell guy. That's an assumption.

Love of a father...

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 11:54am.

I just wanted to reply to your post, I know that you typed this in Aug 2012 and its now Oct 2012. I just want to say thank you for typing this. My husband is going thru the same situation with his son that is 12 yrs. He lives with his mom and stepdad and doesnt want to visit us that much anymore bc hes either to busy with his friends or has plans with his stepdad or mom already and its very hurtful on my husband bc he doesnt get to see him and because his is such a great father and the divorce wasnt his decision. I agree with everything you say because I sit here and think about my husbands situation and how i can help him but i feel like theres nothing i can do because i cant get in the middle of things and all i do is pray and ask God to please help us and give my husband strengh. Last night he talked to his son and he doesnt want to visit him this weekend bc of plans with his friends even thou it was planned to come visit us this weekend and my husband just put his head down and broke down in pain because he loves his son so much and it is such a horrible experience seeing that. I dont know what goes on in my stepsons house and i wish i could understand things. My husband talked to his ex wife yesterday and all she said was that she wasnt going to force him to come visit us and that he has plans with his friends and she wasnt going to get in the middle of it. Me as a mother from my previous marriage think different, i feel that it shouldnt be that way and we shouldnt force our kids to visit their dads but it would be good to motivate our kids to visit their dads and teach him the importance of spending time with their father specially when they are good fathers. In this life you meet a lot of people that become friends and they come in and out of your life but you only have one father that gave you life and all he wants is time with their kids to see them grow up before they become men and start their own family.

The Courts May Help

Submitted by Kevin (not verified) on Fri, 11/23/2012 - 12:04pm.

Your husband should have his visitation set up through the courts. The child is just that, a child. Since when do adults cave to allow children to make decisions concerning their schedules. (There is always room for considerations). My experience was that my ex would often say, it's up to the children. So that's when the courts had to "spell" out what those dates are with who, where and when. That put an end to that foolishness. Moms are great, face it. No dad can truly compare to a mothers love. Unfortunately during seperations mothers use their strengths in order to manipulate the process. So men should use the Courts to help "balance" the process. The children will adapt to the program a lot sooner than you think (most will anyway) Key: Ask your husband to not show his displeaslure for the mother around the chidlren. Just follow the court order. And in some cases the children will begin to make decisions about staying over longer, and longer, and on days that are not scheduled, because they've billed relationship. All the best to you and your husband.

Do children not have rights?

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 5:26pm.

I've read through all these posts and the one thing that I am constantly coming across is the belief "they are children, they do not have the right to choose". What the HELL! ... Just because these are children do they not have the right to their own feelings, thoughts and choices? Would we as adults allow ourselves to be FORCED to endure something that we find uncomfortable, something that makes us unhappy or miserable or to be verbally abused and physically assaulted. I dont think so therefore why the hell should we allow children to experience what we would not allow to happen to us? To force a child to visit with a parent against their wishes does not encourage them to build a relationship, it causes them to be miserable and to look upon those visits as something to dread. If the parent to be visited actually put their child's wishes ahead of their own wants, they will be showing the child that they love and respect their choice and over time this can lead to the child actually asking to visit the parent. When a relationship breaks down the child becomes a possession to be owned instead of a precious part of both parents that should be loved, cherish and respected as we parents expect to be respected. In the long term forcing your child to visit with you could lead to you losing them altogether.

my story

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Fri, 08/24/2012 - 2:01am.

let me start off with explaining that my father is'ent a "bad" guy. He's a typical ex stoner, average tempered, slightly slow (mentaly) but a nice guy. my situation has nothing to do with him but rather the constant fact that the "visits" were soooooooo boring. as a 14 year old who is lazy and difiant all i want to do is play xbox, go out with friends and generaly have fun. but the roadblock of visting my fathers always got me annoyed because having to stop my rutine of fun and joy to just sit around and ponder why my little step sisters are soooooooo stupid. to me, just felt like a huge waste of my time. not to mention the fact that i dident even know i had a father untill i was about 5 years old kinda started making a rutine out of going there weird. my father was also a "playa" as he was never married to my biological mother (who i currently stay with and would like to indefinitly) and has 3 daughters and 1 son (me). at my own home im an only child but when i go over there im barraged by 2 little half sisters and a older one (i get along with her alright). also adding on the fact that my father was never consistant (alot of ," oh yeah were busy, next week?" bull ****) gave me the obvious impression any elemntery school age child would get ," he dosent even like me" as the years progressed it was on or off going to his house, id go 2 months without hearing a word then out of the blue i was to spend the weekend there. i found some hope when i could get out of these occasonally by saying that i had plans and he understood. witch mad me think, " wow not even an argument he must really not care." he then, suddunly made up his mind that he was goung to start to try and be a good father, but by this point i just dident want to have any fun there, we went to an amusement park and all i did was watch them on the roller costar or my sisters on the tea cups listing to music to drown out the insane bordom i had without any of my friends to hang with. i had no soild basis for not wanting to go to his house other that it was an annoyance that i wasent going to deal with. then came the arguments, not with my father but my mother, who always had a reason that i should go and see my family over there, where my response to that was, ive seen them they are diffrent than us they are to absorbed in their lives to give a rats *** about me. the one sole reason i go there is to do what i do here except with a shitty bed, shitty TV, no friends, in a closet of a bedroom. but since its pointless fighting a woman set on her goal i always wound up either facing my mother thretening to shut off power to my room (i honestly think she a loon) or going to my dads, so i pick the obvious. now im faced with having to go over the entire weekend (i planed on going to the movies with some friends) and i have to because " you havent gone over for FOUR months", trust me ive tried talking with my father and he is ok with me not going over his house if i dont want to but the real issue is my mother who wont just let me and my dad work things out for the better. if u read this far and noticed i suck as spelling and grammer thanx :D ik i need to work on it.

I am going through this now

Submitted by Northern Virginia (not verified) on Sat, 08/18/2012 - 4:33pm.

I am going through this now with my six year old son. I get "alone" visits with him because his older brother has Autism and there are many things we cant do together because of this. He has been hearing a lot of talking between my ex and her adult children. I know this because he tells me. It's hard to compete with that when I see him four times a month. His mother spent 10 months bashing me online and to all of our mutual friends and I never retaliated. She figured out that she cant get to me by talking negatively about me, calling me every name in the book on public forums and making up lies to people who used to be mutual friends. Her own tactic that she has that works is our boys, and she uses that EVERY chance she gets. I refuse to say anything negative about her in front of the boys although he makes it clear they talk negatively about me ALL of the time in front of them. I got remarried and initially he LOVED my new wife, because unlike his own mother, she actually takes the time to get down on the floor and play with him and engage with him as long as he wants. This has started to change and though her adult children's Facebook and Twitter pages it has become clear that they are waging a campaign against my new wife with the boys. It is SICKENING how men and women will use children to fight their battles. They dont realise they are doing their children LIFE LONG damage only to soothe their own hurt feelings. My youngest used to ask for extra visits ALL of the time and my ex would refuse EVERY time. He cry, get very upset, but it never moved her. Now that we have gotten extra visits he doesnt want to come. It is VERY clear that my ex and her adult children are speaking against the concept at home, even buying him new toys and games and telling him they would do stuff with him "but you have to visit your father". It is very hurtful, it hurts down to the core of who I am because I have always been an involved father. So once again, I'll suck it up because I know he is young and he is being used and manipulated by his mother and her adult children. I'll stick it out because I love them and I know it is best for them, but having gone through what I am going through now I see that all too often fathers get a VERY bad rap when it comes to divorce. I can see through my own personal experience that mothers cannot usually keep the fathers from visiting their children, but they can make things so tough and miserable that many men just cant deal with it. A SHAME on mothers and fathers who use their children in this way!!

Son gets to make the choice

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 2:14pm.

My son calls or texts me every visitation that he doesn't want to come out he is either busy with his mom or friends. His Mother never calls to tell me what is going on she puts him in the middle.. He admit he doesn't like his stepmother because she yells at him and makes him do chores. He says his syblings are mean to him. My wife and I see a different kid than what his mother sees. He swears, physicallys pushes my wife and kids around. He calls and texts his mom all the time that we are mean and he doesn't get to do anything. We tell him we have rules and he has to follow them at our house. Well I guess we are too strict. I try and call my Ex and she hangs up. I don't want him to be forced to come to my house because he will never be happy and cause stress on everyone. Even when we try and go have a good time always ends in a huge fight. He turns the table and says it is all us when it is really him. I know he is doing this to get his mom's attention and if you are a mother wouldn't you want to know what is going on or why your child doesn't want to visit their dad. He is 14 and I feel out of control.. His behavior is not acceptable at my house like she allows it in her house.

This was my situation. I went

Submitted by Lilly (not verified) on Sun, 01/15/2012 - 12:55pm.

This was my situation. I went to Dad's on weekends where there was nothing to do. No toys, games, or anything. All we did was watch tv. I wasn't allowed to have friends over on "his time". Then Dad got remarried and I got a stepmother and stepsister. On my visits my stepsister would completely ignore me and not say one word to me the entire weekend as she didn't want "her home" being invaded by me. When she had to share with me, she'd get into huge arguments with my stepmother and my stepmother would cave to not upset her daughter. I felt like the unwanted guest. Then my stepmother would spend the weekend badmouthing my mother who she hadn't even met. They didn't meet until i was 22. Dad stuck up for his wife and stepdaughter and didn't see how much pain i was in. I went to therapy because of the situation. Visits stopped in my mid teenage years as my dad, his wife and stepdaughter moved into a 2 bedroom home so there wasn't a place for me to sleep. I am now grown and have a closer relationship with my dad, I still keep my distance from his wife, and my stepsister and I have a nonexistent relationship and haven't seen eachother in years.

No, your mom was not right.

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 2:27pm.

No, your mom was not right. It's her job as your parent to help foster a relationship with you and your father. He letting you decide was the easy thing to do, not the right thing. Each child needs both parents equally. Sounds like she didn't do much to help this situation out and let the child make the rules.

what if

Submitted by lost dad (not verified) on Thu, 08/19/2010 - 7:12pm.

here is my thing. i have just lost my fight for shared parenting and now I'm the every other weekend dad. I am now the "other place." my kids will no longer have a home with me and as you pointed out i won't really be a parent to the anymore. additionally given my ex-wife history of doing everthing she can to interfear with my relationship with my children. will i be doing more harm than good by having them visit. the common thought is that you should also maintain a relationshipwith the kids but your feelings that you expressed are very common amoung divorce children that are robbed of the oppuntinty for shared parenting. so what should i do? also for anyone upset by my spelling or gramer, i'm sorry however i already know that it is bad don't need you to tell me.

Response

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 12/12/2012 - 11:22am.

As the child of divorced parents the one thing that I can tell you to do is stay involved. If they are involved in sports, go to the games, if they dance, go to the recitals, if they are in drama go to the plays. If they are going on a field trip--- be a chaperone. Volunteer at their school, spend your lunch hour at their school with them. Ask them about their friends. If they want to have a sleepover birthday party, allow them to invite their friends from school and the neighborhood they live in. Get a school calendar (usually available online or at the school) and ask to be a part of global connect calls from the school. (These are phone calls some schools do to make sure parents can stay involved). The more your face is at the school, the more they will see you are an involved parent. I know if you work it is difficult, but when it's your time with the kids and they are off from school, take the day off from work too! Work whenever you can---as many hours as you can, when your kids aren't with you. If you have a weeknight dinner, go over their homework, and make dinner---don't go to McDonald's. Even if you threw the meal in the oven and set the table before you went to pick them up OR set the table in the morning if you don't have time before you pick up. Have the kids have chores at your house like cleaning off the table, but do the dishes together. Try and make it as 'normal' as possible. Don't ever...ever speak ill of the other parent. Even if the kid is whining about the mom, don't take the bait and explain to them..that is your mother, I know that you don't like A B or C but she is still your mother and you are to respect her and love her. My dad never said a bad word about my mom. Even to this day (42 years later) he is always stating what a wonderful woman she is to raise my brother and I to be productive and loving human beings. He always talks about my mom's good qualities although she may have several bad, they never come from his mouth. He never blames her for their divorce (although he caught her in bed with our neighbor---my uncle (her brother) told me). My dad always thought of us first...always putting us kids, my mom, and our situation first.

Do you still think 13 is old enough to decide?

Submitted by Sonja Aoun (not verified) on Thu, 05/06/2010 - 8:36am.

It was good to read about this issue from your point of view. I represent parents in visitation cases and I hear from clients all the time that their children have expressed that they don't want to go on visitation. Since I think it's a bad idea to expose kids to the judicial process unless absolutely necessary, I don't interview the children and as a result I don't get to hear the opinions firsthand. Thank you for sharing it. I was wondering whether, when you look back, you still think 13 was old enough to make this decision. Virginia courts tend to find it too young, but I am interested to know what you think.

I " Don't Want To Be Here "

Submitted by Sheila A. Crowell (not verified) on Tue, 07/05/2011 - 4:19pm.

My thirteen year old son expresses to me ALL the time how much he can not stand his Dad's wife. He states he wish his Dad had his own place without her. He does not like being with them nor does he want to be told when to go there for visits... He does not like the fact that she is totally disgusting, like being out in public and think it is funny to pass gas loudly and laugh about it, or riding in the car and pass gas and roll the windows up and lock the windows so he and whoever is in the car has to smell the exhaust from her funky tail.... Along with ALOT of other reasons. He states the only time her now 18 year old son talks to him is when he is high,( marijuana )o

From A Child Of Divorce: When Your Kid Doesn't Want To Go To Daddy's

Resource Directory

filter by topic

From A Child Of Divorce: When Your Kid Doesn't Want To Go To Daddy's

Comments

Post new comment