You know, it's easier for me to say and list the things that I don't want in my life. In discussing settlement options and living arrangements for the boys, the issue came up of moving closer to my ex.

Mind you, this would totally uproot the children from their school, their life in their neighborhood, including their friends, church, sport organizations, etc. So, I'm not sure how realistic of a mind-set this discussion even had, especially considering doing that to children. The goals are obviously not the same here — to keep the best interest of the children in mind at all times.

So, I'm not willing to relocate closer to my ex to facilitate shared parenting or co-custody. Right now, he's living with his mother, and I'm certainly not going to travel and move away from my friends, support system, etc., to watch he and his mom work together to raise my children. I'm not exactly sure in what world that would be considered okay from a mother's perspective ....

I know that having their dad around a bit more would be productive for the boys, especially considering that I didn't grow up with a father. I'm not willing to sacrifice my needs, though, to move - or to put the boys' emotional side at risk for the benefit of my ex. That I can't do, and is on my "don't do" list, which is becoming much more sturdy — and I'm very pleased with that.

You know, 2008 has been a pretty good year so far. Easy, not so much — I've been posed with so many personal challenges, but I feel good about the decisions I've made that will keep me going through the year.

School is going well. I'm focused and able to manage the schedule fairly well. Now, mind you, I still have times where I'm overwhelmed and have a ton of stuff to do, but I make push through.

Work is also going well. I'm happy in my position and with my co-workers, and I'm trying to have more fun. I'm trying to reach out to discover the students and the classroom need and bring that to them. So far, it's working well.

At home, the boys are settling in. They're getting comfortable with their schedules, their counselor, and school life. It's not the route I would have taken, but I can't say I regret the move for them into school.

I'm very active in my family, and am participating in a lot of events that are fun for me. I'm really happy about being able to express myself and not have to ask anyone's permission to do so, which just feels great.

I'm living on my own terms. (Well, most of the time.) I'm happy to be accountable to me.

I feel as though I have a new spark for life — that I'm allowing the laws of attraction to work in my favor. And I'm loving it.

In the past few months I've found new appreciation for the little things — people, books, myself, faith — the list goes on. In the end, I'm pretty sure that most of it boils down to having a new appreciation and desire for myself. I'm letting myself to be attractive to people — and not just in the opposite-sex way, but in general — and I'm opening up for exploration.

At one point, I felt emotionally inadequate around others. I'm a younger person and have already had a long-term committed relationship. Talking about post-relationship dating with other women seemed weird to me — beyond foreign. I felt like I was unfit to join the conversation.

But as I've explored within myself, I see that my fears are no different than theirs. Yes, they might be older than me, but we're all looking for the same thing: We want to be cared for, nurtured, and above all else, to have fun.

I've always thought that if you're not having fun in life, you're doing something wrong. I've tried to instill this message in my children as much as possible. Right now, we're not having fun, but I'm going to work on taking steps to make that happen.

We've all heard the expression, When one door closes, another one opens. I think that through the divorce process, we make an attempt to close the door on certain situations, and no matter how tightly we thinked we shut it, it unexpectedly bursts open again. This same philosophy can be applied to our emotions, too. We can close them to some extent, however, when we're put in a specific situation, that door is reopened and the emotions pour over us.

I'm ready to close the door on the past nine years. I'm ready to engage in new experiences and move past all that has happened to me. I want to focus on the positive, and see the light at the end of the tunnel, and not think back to the door that underneath can show an inkling of light.

I know that this isn't the total truth for me in many aspects, however, as I've seen my ex change his behavior toward me, and spew the most horrible things ever said about me, I realize the only way to make myself better is to make the attempt to close the door as much as possible for the sake of my emotions.

I read Debbie Ford's Spiritual Divorce, and this has helped me to identify the good and bad from my relationship and take them with me into what I hope will be a better life. I want to say, "new" but that isn't totally the truth, since I'm not new, I'm just more resolved.

I've really started to feel more like a bird spreading her wings to fly, or a butterfly who is shaking out her wings for the first time to float in the breeze. I'm seeing myself as who I am, an individual to be appreciated, cared for and even to have others be nice to me. Yes, that was a hard one for me.

When I talk to people about my relationship, it's always shocking that I was married for so long, for multiple reasons — one that I'm so young, and two, that it got so ugly. I'm really glad that I had the audacity to walk away from a fuming situation. I just couldn't see myself right now still involved with my ex, the way he treated me.

Now, I can bounce a little bit more. I have the ability to be a little more flexible and malleable. No, I don't always like what is being thrown in my direction. Sticks and stones hurt your bones, and so do words. Right, that statement was never in the right.

So, the freedom that I've explored in the past few months has been exponential to me in my growth process. I feel energized, renewed, and ready for good things that life has to offer me. And, if for some reason there is something else bad that could happen, I can certainly handle it.

When I signed up for school in November I was excited. I felt I needed something that would offer me something to do, other than sit around and worry about my circumstances — money, divorce, the kids. I needed something new and fresh in my life, and I felt that school would be a positive change for me.

I was just tired of worrying. I'm still excited about the potential that I will have when school will be over for me, but it's just tough. It's different than I expected, and it's challenging. I love a good challenge, but I can tell you that I am exhausted. My brain is often over-fried from handling all of the same amount of decision-making, work, house issues, children issues, all on top of school.

So, I'm finding my own balance, being able to work on even more than I was before — and still have a positive attitude. I enjoy the process and will remain positive about the opportunity for me to learn, improve, and expand as an individual.

I also will be counting down the days until the next break period. Just like a typical student! I can't deny that I love being able to just relax and veg around the house.

I have a difficult time weeding through my own bitterness at the situation I'm in. I'm bitter about how I was treated and about how I'm being treated now. I am a very genuine individual, and my ex was not at all genuine to my feelings, wants, desires — and dreams. I feel as though he is making attempts to crush the spirit I have, the person that I am, that he despises so much.

I've mentioned in previous posts that I got married at a young age — 16, to be exact — and through years, I understand that it is normal for people to change. We adapt, our wants and needs shift. I mean, some shifts are negative, but I certainly don't believe that any of mine weren't adequate given the circumstances.

Anyhow, through time and counseling it was made apparent that he just didn't like the person I had changed into. I still feel as if he clings to the person I was when we first met — but I'm just not that person anymore. Time has provided me insight and adaptability. So, I'm dealing with feeling bitter about his inability to understand I've changed and moved on.

I'm bitter about his attempts to diminish my feelings, and to execute any legal advantage that he can gain access to, and mostly just because he has more financial resources than I do. I am bitter about that flaunting, I suppose. I'm most bitter about him attempting to stay in touch with me. I just don't want any part of that.

I have to admit that my New Year's resolution was a good one — to be truthful to myself. I know and see now how faulty my own perception was of different circumstances in my life.

It's not okay to deal with something and make it okay to you, all of the time. Now, don't get me wrong... there are situations where you have to make the best of it and deal with it. Sometimes you just have to try and contribute the best way you can as an individual and make it work. However, there is a fine line between doing that for work, for instance, and doing that in your marriage.

So, I'm very happy that I've been able to be truthful with myself. I've really enjoyed my month of January. I've taken into consideration the simple things in life that make me happy and can rejoice in those things.

I'm still having a hard time dealing with some of my emotions, but I make amends with them and do something at the end of the day that does make me happy. I'm volunteering more, reading more, taking my classes, and just saying to myself — I have to do this, so how can I choose to do happy while completing it? This has made each day more valuable to me, and I hope that we all can do this for ourselves.

In reading "How We Choose to be Happy", I've come across the same statement several times — that we have the ability to control if we have a bad day or not, that we control if we find happiness in our day.

There is an exercise in the book that asks you to sit and speed write for four minutes that things that make you truly happy. The idea is to really internalize and write down the simplest things that make you happy, that make you smile — so that you can incorporate these things in your life on a daily basis.

Seems simple enough, doesn't it?

I don't know about you, but I certainly have a lot of shitty days that will surely be coming up in the next few months. With depositions, court dates, financial issues, the list goes on. To top it off, I resolved for the year to be truthful to myself. Yes, I'm going to still live these horrible moments within these shitty days, but my choice to find happiness — even if just for a few minutes — will challenge me to be more happy. I like that idea.

In four minutes, I came up with a pretty long list of things that make me happy from cooking to singing in the shower. There are so many things that we can do as individuals to make ourselves smile. Yes, it's okay to laugh at yourself too, if you're inspired.

These four minutes were well spent. I now know what I can do regularly to stay positive and create some happiness in my life, even through chaos.

I hope you can find some happiness for yourself too.

I was cleaning up around the house yesterday and as I went to put a book back on the shelf, a title that I'd already read popped out at me. It's called "How We Choose to Be Happy: The 9 Choices of Extremely Happy People" by Rick Foster and Greg Hicks.

While I've read the principles of these secrets before, I felt compelled to open up the pages and revisit the stories shared about people that are truly happy. The nine principles are: Intention, Accountability, Identification, Centrality, Recasting, Options, Appreciation, Giving, and Truthfulness.

I've had two weeks to digest my thoughts during my time off from work and have really spent time pondering the past and trying to engage in a future that I want. I had an eye-opener as I flipped through the pages of the book — I haven't been truthful with myself. I never stood up for my feelings and asked for what I knew I needed. I looked for alternative routes of finding the love, appreciation, and desire that I thrived on as an individual because my ex didn't offer these things to me.

The sad thing is, he was disappointed that I had given up looking for these things from him. I'd been put on the backburner so long and constantly walking on eggshells, that it was impossible for me to reach the connection we had when we met almost ten years ago. It's tragic, really. I know now, that I need to stay truthful to myself in all avenues of life. I never should have denied myself this openness, and certainly not for the sake of someone else. I've learned my lesson the hard way. But, now I know. I resolve to make sure I'm truthful with myself every day.

Bottom line is we choose to be happy and can find something that pleases us, or do something that pleases us everyday. Sounds refreshing, doesn't it?