I have a secret to share.

Many friends and family members have expressed how proud they are of me. They are proud for how I've held it together during my divorce. They are proud of how I picked up my stuff and moved into an apartment in Manhattan. ("How exciting that must be," they say.) They are proud that I have a career that enables me to support myself.

There's no doubt that I appreciate their words of encouragement but the reality is that most days I feel like a big giant failure. I try not to feel sorry for myself because I know it is not productive but it is hard to push these negative feelings aside.

I feel like a failure for selecting a spouse who ended up being unfaithful. I feel like a failure because my marriage didn't work. I feel like a failure because now I'm in the midst of a financial debacle because of my divorce. This whole experience has been extremely disconcerting and I find it hard to maintain a positive attitude. What I want to know is what did I do to deserve this crap!?

My whole life I have tried to do everything right and where has it gotten me? I dated my ex for five years before marrying and was engaged for two years so I can't say that I rushed into anything. After getting engaged, we decided that we didn't want to rent anymore but own our own home — thought it was a smart financial move. We started with a cute little starter home and then, when talk of children became more serious, we sold and moved into house number two, which was in a better neighborhood with a good school system. Again, thought it was a smart financial move.

Every single move backfired and now I'm paying the consequences. I feel like I failed.