Surviving The Unwritten Rules of Divorce Continued
Surviving The Unwritten Rules of Divorce Continued
Unwritten Rule #2
Lawyers and judges force settlements rather than do their job.
Before my original divorce hearing in August 1999, my Lawyer and I tried to negotiate issues with my former husband and his attorney. They weren't open to negotiation, which angered my attorney. She was constantly saying, "we will let the judge deal with him." According to her, I would have my day in court.
When that day came, I showed up at the courthouse only to be met in the hallway by my attorney telling me we were going to "try to negotiate a settlement." I wanted a trial, wanted what I was told I was going to get. I wanted the judge to here evidence and then make a decision based on the facts. If I had known back then what I know now, I would have insisted we go to trial. I surrendered though, and spent nine hours going back and forth with my former husband and his attorney trying to come to a settlement agreement.
I ended up with promises on a piece of paper and half of what I would have gotten if we had gone to trial. But hey, the judge heard one less case that day and the lawyers stayed in his good graces because of it. The only people to get what they needed were the lawyers and the judge. From what I understand that is typical when dealing with the Family Court System.
In November 2001, I was in court again over an issue with our marital home. I had a new lawyer this time around. I had a man, and he was good at throwing his weight around. At least he was good at sounding as if he could throw his weight around. According to him, we were going to kick my former husband's ass in court. We would have our day in court and heads would roll!
I showed up for court that morning, and he met me in the hall with the news that the other side wanted to "negotiate." Within two hours, we had settled and walked out of court. When all was said and done, that settlement cost me $19,200.00 interest in a home and the attorney billed me later at his regular $250 an hour rate. That is okay though, at least the judge had one less case he had to hear that day. Heads might not have rolled, but my attorney managed to stay on the judge's good side for another day.
I was in court several more times over the years. It only took twice for me to realize that hallway negotiations were not in my best interest. After the 2001 negotiation, I wasn't about to leave myself open again. I wanted my day in court! It didn't take me long to learn that going before a judge would not mean a better outcome. Going before a judge opened up a completely new assortment of problems.
Related Links:
Courtroom Quid Pro Quo, The Secret Rules of Law
Surviving the Unwritten Rules of Divorce Cases
Cathy Meyer is the head of About.com's Divorce Support channel. To hear more from Cathy, go to: divorcesupport.about.com
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