Don't Apologize For Loving Your Freedom

Don't Apologize For Loving Your Freedom

I remember sitting in a doctors reception area before I was divorced and reading an article called the Secret Perk of Being Divorced. My marriage was hanging by a thread at the time and I was very sad about the idea of having a broken family. The author was recently divorced and wrote about the wonderful feeling of having a whole weekend to herself while the kids were with their dad. Ironically, she wrote he rarely made time for the kids when they were married, but was now spending every other weekend doing everything from making pancakes to baths at night.

Something clicked in me when I read that article, and I started to focus on the ways my life would improve if my marriage failed. One of the things I looked forward to the most was more quiet time to read and journal. I also looked forward to being able to talk on the phone with my friends, and have long conversations or simply silly conversations without him wanting me to get off the phone or have judgment about what we were talking about.

When we did ultimately divorce, one thing that I was able to do again was take long workouts on Saturday morning and have long lunches with friends. I have always needed a lot of time to spend with my girlfriends and to replenish my soul in nature working out. I look forward to that time every weekend, and could not imagine my life with out it.

I often get asked if I am dating, and while I love men and miss sex a lot, I am now even more particular about the people with whom I spend time. I love my children and am so fulfilled taking care of them. I love my freedom and ability to see friends and spend time alone. I have asked myself if something is wrong with me because I have not gotten into another serious relationship or marriage in the last few years. Truth is, I love the ability to come and go with the kids as I want. I am so happy. I am not weird, just protective of my time.

Do not apologize for enjoying your freedom in divorce, and do not feel pressure to date or jump into another serious relationship. It could cost you so much. As my twice-divorced colleague one shared with me, "If you think you made a mistake in your first marriage...try rushing into a second". The point she was making was that the second time around could be even a bigger mistake — a risk I do not take lightly.