The Legal Rights Of Step-Parents

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The Legal Rights Of Step-Parents

Debbie Does Divorce with Susan Reach Winters

Posted to Debbie Does Divorce by Debbie Nigro on Thu, 03/11/2010 - 8:35am

Do you know who really has legal rights over step-children? From signing report cards to drafting a will, legal expert Susan Reach Winters has some surprising answers in her informative chat with Debbie.

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Comments

Im a Mother and A So Called "StepMother"

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Fri, 01/11/2013 - 11:05am.

First I want to say, where are the best interest of the children? So you couldn't work it out with your ex? Neither could I. Life goes on and this means you need to make this as easy and positive experience with your children as you can! That is all of our jobs. If the Step-parent treats your child right and they are positive you shouldn't be concerned about your own toes being stepped on! I am a Biological Mother of a 19 year old girl and a 15 month old baby boy. But I also consider my 3 "stepsons" my children as well. I love them very much. I have had to watch at times as my Daughter's "stepmom" did things with my daughter that I would have liked to do. And I have done things with my "stepsons" as I am sure their Mom would have rather been doing. As a Mother and "stepmother" experienced here in this the last 10 plus years I can tell you your child has plenty of love to go around to you all. I believe one of the most important things is not putting your child in the middle. As soon as you do that you give your child the power to put you and the other parent at odds. You should influence a good and healthy relationship with anyone involved with your child. If there are matters that are affecting your child negatively then you as a parent should deal with them in the correct manner. You shouldn't bad mouth the other influences of their life, and you should try to diminsh anything bad as best as you can! Do not make your child feel bad because they love a "stepparent" it will backfire. It is you they will come to defy and have contempt for. And if you do manage to get that hold on them to do your bidding they will be emotionally scarred for life and their adult lives may be shaped by this. If you and your ex and their husband and wife show up at an event together will it not kill you to be the adult and sit together for your childs greater well-being? What is wrong with a step-parent wanting to be involved at school? Awesome that your child has a prent that wants to teach them resposibility and open a bank account. Do not let these small things concern you. Concern yourself with being a positive influence on your child, and making sure all those close are the same. If you disagree with them invite them to lunch somewhere remote, neutral ground and see if a solution can be reached. Remember, its ok to give a little, and its ok if your child has more then 2 people to love him. Raenna

Wills

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 01/10/2013 - 8:17pm.

My consensual partner is purchasing the house we are currently renting. He wants to make a will if something were to happen to him to leave his property to his son (which is ours) and my son from a previous marriage. He has two underage daughters from a previous marriage who don't live with him. He wants to know if he can make out the will excluding his own daughters without them being able to contest it.

Your husband can exclude his

Submitted by Annabel (not verified) on Fri, 01/25/2013 - 12:54am.

Your husband can exclude his children in his will. There are good moral reasons for him not to do so.

Lies and rights over so called children

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 5:43pm.

I have been trying to understand for the longest how am I the mother of children I believe is either the on that claims they are grand-parent because I have not one once of right to my allege children. Like someone is play rent a Mom I have been to 34th south 11th street in Philadelphia, Pa and was informed a very bad custody battle with A Yvette smith using same everything everything down to the log!! Yet I am, being lead in very weird altercation with all the same names as well as allege family but, I am the one sustain the out bursts around like a circle and very calendared like plan event's yet, this name does not exist in the United states of America like someone legal keep changing it I am not in any other cultures and their for have not and did not change my name yet have not Power

My 3 year old is scared of her Dads 12 year old step daughter

Submitted by Concerned Mom of a 3 year old (not verified) on Fri, 12/28/2012 - 10:32am.

My 3 year old comes home and tells me she is afraid of her new sister. I ask why she is scared of her and she says she is mean to me when daddy is not there. I asked her what she does to her and she says she yells at me and tells me to shut up all the time. she says: daddy sleeps down stairs and I sleep up stairs with her and she yells at me all the time, I asked if she hits her and she didn't answer me. Where would a 3 year old get this from she tells me all the time she is afraid of her and doesn't want to go to her dads house because of her. Most of the time she doesn't leave me cause she is so scared to go there. also since the girl moved in the house my daughter after about a week all of a sudden started peeing to bed she has never done this before I'm thinking its her way of getting her dads attention to stay away from the step-daughter. When she is home she doesn't pee to bed only when she is over there or around the step daughter. Please help and give me some advice on what I can do! Thank you.

You ought to see a family law

Submitted by Annabel (not verified) on Fri, 01/25/2013 - 12:58am.

You ought to see a family law attorney without delay. They will know the proper way to handle this. The problem is of too great a magnitude to handle on your own. The cost factor should not be a consideration when your child's psychological and physical welfare are at stake. There are low-fee attorneys available through the state.

my stepsons

Submitted by mae (not verified) on Wed, 12/26/2012 - 8:40pm.

I have been married to my husband for 5 years and have been apart of his life going on 6 years. he has 2 boys ages 8 and 10 from a previous marriage and we have 2 boys together also, ages 3 and 4. we have had continual problems since we can remember with the ex and her husband. we just took them back to court to ammend the decree about 3 weeks ago. she has a huge grudge against me and didn't want me to have anything to do with boys. now we have it legally fixed and we thought things were getting better, but when we picked the boys up for Christmas vacation the oldest pulled us aside and told us he found drugs in the house and it was a month ago but he was scared to tell anyone he didn't want to get in trouble. he was begging us to not take him back he was refusing to go home and wants to move in with . we can't get a hold of our attorney being its the holidays and all, and we feel guilty for taking him back, he also informed us that he's been told to get the f....out of the house by the step father and the step . father is calling him names shoving around. not only that but before we went to court the youngest complained he was spanked over 36 Times with a belt...help us. do we reach out to cops or do we go thru the attorney again thanks.

Loving step mom

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Mon, 12/10/2012 - 7:07pm.

My husband and I have been married for two years now and he has had full custody of my step daughter for 5 years now. My step daughter is 8. He has her living with his grandma and aunt. I obviously would love for her to move in with us so we can all be a family (I have an 8 year old daughter myself). His daughter has asked to move in but he's flat out denied it and when he goes to visit her (she's an hour away). He doesn't want me or my daughter to come along. I love my husband but I'm tired of deciding what kid is to be let down this time and it hurts that I'm not "allowed" to come on his "visits". His aunt makes his daughters schedule so full there is literally not one day she's not doing something. She's on dance, karate, swimming, Girl Scouts, and takes tennis lessons. She also has weekly two hour visits with her biological mom. I'm so confused and I need advice on how best to approach this subject with my husband. I love him deeply but I feel guilt as tho I'm the reason he can't see his daughter. I know one day that guilt will win and we will end up divorced because I love my step daughter way to much to take her dad away. I would appreciate any suggestions or advice on this subject.

Your husband is the child's

Submitted by Annabel (not verified) on Fri, 01/25/2013 - 1:03am.

Your husband is the child's father and if he is keeping you and your stepdaughter apart he has the right to do so. Though you may be tempted to feel guilty try to let go of that because it will only create more problems. Go about your life and duties and grow in good ways that benefit you and everyone around you. Seek counseling. Drop the subject if it is getting you nowhere. When and if your stepdaughter reenters life let her find you a warm, nurturing influence on her life. She will need your strength.

My 15 year old StepSon does not talk to me unless Im needed!

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 12/05/2012 - 10:20pm.

I have been married to my husband for the last 2 years and I have one child his has two. We have always had a good realtionship until now his 15 year old will not speak to me until he need me to take him somewhere or he needs money! Its going on 8 days now and I am throwing in the towel because I feel like I should be treated with respect and atleast acknowledge as a human. I will ask him how his day is and he will just walk by me like im not even there. What do I do? Not speak to him until he speaks to me or do I confront him about this issue? there hasn't been any disagreements to cause such a draft in our relationship!

My childrens stepmother

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sun, 11/25/2012 - 10:01pm.

I have two children with my ex husband. We have been divorced since 2005. He is remarried and I have remarried as well. My children live primarily with me. Recently I went to my sons football game during my ex husband weekend visitation. He brought his current wife who has jealousy issues. While I was setting up my awning to sit and watch my sons game, my ex husband and his wife and my son walked by, "I had asked my son where he was going", he stated he could not play his football game. I asked him to come talk with me and his father "yelled" it was not my weekend, and proceeded to turn my son in the direction to keep walking. I did not respond to his behavior. However when my son came home from his weekend visit, he proceeded to tell me, his step mother told him he she wanted to harm me. The words she directed to my son in regards to the what she wanted to do to me, were most threatening on my life. My son was very upset and hurt by what his stepmother said to him. I felt very sad for my son and hurt to think that this person who is a mother herself could say such horrible things. I felt it would be best to take him to a therapist and myself to work through our emotions. I then filed a restraining order requesting that she stay away from myself and my children. The restraining order was granted to stay away from me, however in regards to my children, I was told I would have to file with the family law courts. I have an up coming court date, however I am very nervous that the family law court will not do anything about this situation, consider my ex is married to this individual. All of the years I have been in and out of court expressing my concerns. It seems as though the courts tend to dismiss or try to comprise the situation. I'm nervous and I find myself intimidated by the mediator. Some feedback would be most helpful!

hello there, iam so

Submitted by beenthroughitall (not verified) on Thu, 01/17/2013 - 3:51pm.

hello there, iam so sorry about your scary situation! i have been hated by my stepsons mother for 12 years and she has taken us back to court, out of spite, even though my stepson is 18 now. she wants my husbands retirement etc..i have feared her intentions even though she has never said anything...my best advice, though expensive, is to research and retain a lawyer who can work a case for you. such things can take a while, you may be charged a couple hours here or there per month until a trial date is set..or, when you have your son, talk to him about the day when he does not have to have anything to do with his stepmother OR father if he chooses. stay neutral but realistic about his feelings for his stepmother and father. be his emotional support..he will need you through this. ultimately, if played right, you will always have a relationship with him. they will not. research and go to a therapist together, if you can..use your deepest intuition, think long and hard before you take any actions..build yourself, make friends, take care of you..try not to live in fear. best to you, dear :)

My mom died what to do pwith my dad nd stepdad

Submitted by Amy (not verified) on Tue, 11/20/2012 - 8:18pm.

I am 19 and in college. Both my mom and dad had joint custody of me but i lived with mom and stepdad. My mom passed away two months ago and my dad wants me to live in his home. He has a room for mr. My brother lives with him but i don't want to leave my mom and stepdads house cuz it is where all my stuff is. My mom married my stepdad 5 years ago and this was or is my primary resicence. My stepdad says it is ok to live with him but my dad is insisting that imove " home" with him. I am 19 although my dad supports me. As an adult, what can i do. My mom left me $300,000 life insurance so cant i pay for my own college and live with my stepdad? Please help. Amy

You are an adult. You can do

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 4:28pm.

You are an adult. You can do whatever the heck you want to do. Make your own choices, live your own life. Your dad may just be reaching out to you because he's also grieving- even if he and your mom didn't get along. I'd consider all the options- take some time and really think it through- go over the pros and cons. You can even tell your dad you want to stay in the house your mom was in for awhile- just to grieve and not have a major change right on top of another major change and that you will consider his request- but you need time to process everything. During that time you may want to discuss all of the options with a counselor- (I firmly feel that everyone needs a good counselor- especially when going through a major life event- such as the passing of a parent...) Good luck to you- whatever you decide to do. Just promise you won't blow that money on strippers and kegs. :)

stepparents

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 12/19/2012 - 5:56am.

i saw your comment and that know one had replied to it .. i so hope you had did nothing yet . that is a lot of money.. your mom left you that money for a reason not for your stepdad okay. if she wanted him to have something she would of .. done that .. but she chose to give that to you.. only you.. because she love you.. i lost my mom 2 years ago i come from a stepfamily as well and they don't talk to me that often sense she has pass away,, so i so understand what your are going though i so hope you did the right thing and not give your stepdad anything.. if your not close with him don' your mom woudn't want you to there is a reason why she left if for you and only you .... so use if for good reason,, and for what ever reason don't tell people you have for saftey k put it in stalks or something for later on and in bonds for good use down the road she love you and wanted you to have money later on message me anytime if ever need to talk i am on face book under pine k..paula is my first name and face book look up is paula seymour

Um, the poster didn't say

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 4:22pm.

Um, the poster didn't say anything about giving the money to her step dad, she was suggesting paying for college for herself and not having to move out of the residence that she's been residing in that she considers 'home'. Not sure where you're getting anything about her giving the money to her step dad. You might also want to consider boundary issues, as it does look rather odd that you advise her not to tell people about the money and yet you're trying to get buddy buddy with her by inviting her to email you. Just saying...

Daughters stepmother will not stop showering with her

Submitted by Ashley (not verified) on Sun, 11/11/2012 - 9:00pm.

My daughters stepmother and i have never really gotten along. She constantly intervenes intereferes with communication, she was growing marijuana in their home, but the county gave her diversion instead of pressing charges so the judge said it wasnt that big of a deal and even showers with her. She is now 6 years old neither her dad nor I shower with her and idont know how to make this stop. I dont hav a lot of money so i dont know how to correct this situation without a lot of lawyers fees? Please help.

Can a step parent open a banking account with a step child?

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Tue, 11/06/2012 - 10:24pm.

I am the biological and legal mother of two children. Currently my ex who is married has primary physcial custody because our children reside with him due to his house is in the school district zone and I live farther away but still see them and have joint custody. I just found out that my child is opening up a savings account with her step mom. She doesn't have any legal rights to my children because I haven't signed away my rights as the biological parent of both my children and never will. Am I right here? Is it wrong or even legal for a step parent to open a bank account for my child?

Ex step parents

Submitted by Sobeckl (not verified) on Sun, 10/28/2012 - 9:03am.

My boyfriend has just recently turned 16. He has had problems with his parents since he was born. His mother has been with many men guys who beat her drink and etc. she got married a few years ago to a man who was really good especially with my boyfriend. They got a divorce because his mom though he never talked to her just because she likes people to feel bad for her. She has no contact with her ex husband except for when she needs something and he still continues to pay her bills buy them food and help them with everything. His father. Is also a alcoholic and recently tried hitting him. Since the divorce with his mom his dad dumped his girlfriend and his mom and dad are sleeping TOGETER and my boyfriend does not approve but they don't really care. Neither of them are finically stable and his mom is on disability. There is lots of proof that he is better off with his ex step dad but is it legal for him to move in with his ex stepdad?

Biological mother against step mother

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 8:25pm.

So I am having some difficulty with my husbands ex-wife. I have been with my husband since the child was 3years old. I have been there for the last 4 years, by his side, helping my husband when he has his kid. The other is trying to block the contact that we have with the child, she is trying to remove us from the school and from my husband to be able to make desitions for his child. Now the mother wants to get her lawyer involved and try to get legal paperwork for me (the step mother) to not be involved in meetings. I do not give my opinion, I am there to be aware of the changes, to be a support for my husband and also because I care for the child and want him to succeed. My question is , does she have the right to legally block me from the child, just because she feels like it? I am not affecting her in any way and I am there as a support for the kid and my husband. Please help me. I appreciate your response.

Bio mother against step mom

Submitted by Jen (not verified) on Sun, 11/04/2012 - 11:02am.

The short answer is "Yes, and she doesn't need a lawyer to do it." Unfortunately, you cannot even have a conversation with your step kids teachers about homework much less anything more important. If they have talked to you before then they were legally wrong! Now, I'd like to know the answer about whether or not you can be physically present and quiet since I will have that situation on this Wed. Good luck...I wish everyone could just put personally feelings aside and worry about the best interest of the children!!

Unless there is a court order

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 4:32pm.

Unless there is a court order stating otherwise, she can absolutely have conversations with the children's teachers etc. IF her partner, the biological parent who maintains parental rights, gives her permission to have those conversations. If he is there with her, there is nothing anyone can say unless the mother wants to petition the court for an Order preventing it- and she would need to have grounds.

The step parent doesn't even

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Mon, 01/21/2013 - 3:34pm.

The step parent doesn't even have to be present with the biological parent in order to obtain school information, at least not in Indiana. As long as the step parent is on the schools list of people who can have this information then they can call or go to the school any time they please. It is up to the biological parent to add the step to the list...and make sure the school notes that the other bio parent cannot remove the step from the list without consent.

Teen mother problems.

Submitted by Christi (not verified) on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:18am.

I am i teenage mother of a sweet 1 yr old baby boy. I am still with the father of my son. I soon want to leave him. I want to leave him when he is working & i want to take my son with me. If i just up & leave can he call the police on me? He is our child but every time i threaten to leave he says i cant take my son. Can i just take my son?

Teenage mother problems

Submitted by Jen (not verified) on Sun, 11/04/2012 - 11:07am.

Before you leave CONSULT YOUR STATE LAW. Every state is different!! There are agency offering free legal consultations and as a teenage mom, I'm assuming you will qualify financially. Do not take your child without legal advice... you may find yourself as the visiting parent or in jail...this is a serious offense in some states, I cannot stress that enough!!!

You have every right to take

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sat, 11/03/2012 - 1:41pm.

You have every right to take your son.

Bad advice

Submitted by Jen (not verified) on Sun, 11/04/2012 - 11:09am.

Your obviously not a lawyer and are very irresponsible to give advice to a teenager that may believe you and not investigate further...give words of wisdom but refrain from legal advice if your not a lawyer because you were dead wrong in your reply!

She does have every right to

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 4:38pm.

She does have every right to take her son- she is the biological parent with as many rights as the father. She just needs to have the understanding that the father will be entitled to visitation and they will likely be ordered into a shared parenting plan. She would need to take proper steps to document her situation and I would advise her to go to Legal Aid prior to leaving- but in any event, she does have every legal right to take her child with her. She is under no obligation to leave the child with the father. The choice to leave with the child MAY or MAY NOT impact her case legally at the end of the day, depending on the peripheral details, what the parties desire and a variety of other factors.

When my dad died I went to my

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 4:34pm.

When my dad died I went to my grandmas house to get pictures for the funeral and also took some paperwork. In the process I found a will. This stuff had been sitting in the same spot for 12 years! When my sister asked my stepmom when our dads obit was going to be in the paper, she flipped and said " WTF you cant even ask how I am doing?" and so on... but it ended by her saying that " we are not family and even my stepsister would tell me too", that I was my dad and his previous( deceased) wifes problem... even tho yea... I was teight years old and had an attitude (though I know I never had any effect on the happiness that they had together), and she said I had took her things of hers from my grandmas, which, sorry but no thanks. She also told my grandma that she had better get healthy becuz she wasnt going to be the one taken care of her... which my grandma has had 4 possibly 5 strokes in the past 10 years!!! Anyways I went to see an attorney about the will and what I should do.... My dad had left us 401k, S.S. ( if we could get it), vehicles, life insurance( lapsed), and all his possessions. The will also said where he wanted his ashes to be put! She collected so much money from my dads Union and at the funeral and is also getting 30,000 from the insurance company.... How come she cant pay and put him where he wanted to be! My grandma got a letter from an attorney in indiana stating that by Indiana law everything, even if there would have been a lawsuit becuz of the accident my dad was in.... his wife would have got every penny! How is this a last will and testament if what he wanted done after he died doesnt matter to....well... anyone except me! The papers that I got from my grandmas will probly be the most valuable thing I will get...... I found letters that he wrote from jail and never mailed to us, writings/letters to my last stepmom after she had passed, letters my mom had wrote 20 years ago. I dont understand why my stepmom thinks she had rights to these things... I left her stuff alone, she went to my grandmas while she wasnt home and went inside, left a note stating that she took what was left of her things and that there were things Jim wanted her to have.... which shes talking about guns... My dad was a felon.... shouldnt have had guns period! And Idk why she thinks she should get my grandpas gun from ww2, it should go to my brother...but within hours of my dads death she was already talking of selling his vehicles , guns, and harleys... Im going to be so sad when all his stuff is out in a stupid yard sale.... oh also.... My stepsisters boyfriend is the one who gets my dads leather coats and chaps and motorcycle stuff... I hope you read this and see the sarcasm in this Thank you!

Bio Dad does not want me (his new wife) to be involved with kids

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Tue, 09/18/2012 - 2:39am.

I am newly married and my husband is now saying that he wants me to have nothing to do with his son. His son is in a group home due to some secually bad things his son did to his daughter. His son is 17. His daughter is 12 but she lives with her grandparents now. My husband says that I should not go to the counseling, or go out with them when he has visits because he is his son, not mine. His mother passed away several years ago so it is not like she is in the picture. My husband feels that visitations, counseling, court hearings should all be handled by him and I should have no say in the matter. What is really stupid, I think, is that the social workers are saying the same thing. That I do not need to have a relationship with the son because he is almost 18 and will be on his own. They have also said that me being the step parent shouldnt be that i should be involved. I want to be as I feel that since we are married and this is his son, that I should be involved, but it has gotten so bad with how he doesnt want me to be involved we have gotten into several large fights. We go to church and I have tried to tell my husband that we are a family and keeping God in the center of relationship means that he and I are one and that I should not be cut out of parts of his life, like in regards to his kids. Can someone explain to me why he and the social workers would believe I should not form a relationship with my stepson.

I feel for you. Obviously

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sun, 10/07/2012 - 11:24pm.

I feel for you. Obviously your step-son commands a large part of your husband's attention and your husband is unwilling to allow you to share in this part of his life. Even though his son is turning 18, the boy will still always be your husband's son and therefore always a part of your husband's life that he is withholding from you. I have been married to my husband for 18 months. His 17 year old daughter moved in with us 15 months ago. The problems this girl causes and the tension she has created in our marriage are way beyond anything I could have imagined before we got married. I don't know if our marriage will withstand this. If you are a couple, your bond should be at least as important as this father-son relationship. Talk to him about the kind of life you want to lead and the kind of marriage you want to have and if he doesn't want the same thing, consider seeking support for yourself elsewhere: from friends, family, and counselors.

Possessions

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Mon, 09/17/2012 - 10:57pm.

My ex passed away over a year ago, we had two children together. One is 32 and one is 23. He had a daughter from a second marriage and married for the 3rd time. He ws married to myself & his 2nd wife for approx. 12 yrs each of us. He was only married to his 3rd wife for 3 yrs. He left no will or no indications as to whom his belongings were to go to. He had several family heirlooms. My son & daughter as well as my ex-husband family have tried repeatedly to get their family heirlooms back as well as my son & daughter attempted to get what is rightfully theirs. Do they have a legal leg to stand on as far as getting any of his belongings. The 3rd wife, which he has no children with is slowly but surely disappearing with his possessions a little at a time. What is the legal leg to stand on to get what should rightfully go to his 3 children?

my step daughter to be disrespecting me

Submitted by Kristina (not verified) on Mon, 09/17/2012 - 9:19am.

in the begnning everything was good. i move in and i thought my fiance's daughter except me. we did everything together, movies, help her with her homework, took her to the park, cooking food everyday. everyone gives her a shower, but didnt show her how to wash her self, it would be done for her. i try showing her, but she would get water all over the place and she would spit water on me. she is 8 years old. she is use to getting everything she wants. she is not use to the word NO. time went on and i would tell her to pick up after her self, clean her bedroom. she leaves socks everywhere in the living room. i get nothing but attitude. she talks in baby talk, doesnt talk like a big girl. she talks back to me. calls me the babysitter. calls me mean. puts me down right in front of her father. she does everything for attention to get what she wants. Me and my fiance cant talk or ask each other about anything with out her butting in. she lies to her father all the time to try to get me in to trouble. she tells me to move out. trys to order me around. calls me ugly. 1 min she is being nice and the next she is right back treated me like crap. her mother left her when she was baby and never look back. i ask my fiance , if us 3 can go see a therapist and he said to me ah no. she lies to her father about kids at school bully her, mean wail it's not true, she has been stamping on her classmates feet and hittng them. she has no friends. i would ask my fiance for help, haft of the time he doesn't, he would tell her to go watch tv. my own kids doesn't want to be around her. i'm getting married soon and i need to know if i'm doing the right thing. i love my fiance and i want us to be a family, but she doesn't want it to happen. she only want it to be just her and her daddy and no one else. what should i do.

DO NOT MARRY!!!

Submitted by Lili (not verified) on Fri, 12/21/2012 - 4:08pm.

No way! DO NOT MARRY!!! Your life is going to be miserable!!! I did the same mistake. Trust me... Your boy friend is not in love with you, he is to blind with his daughter to see the good person that you are! If he has not even try to help his own daughter that he is supposed to love more that anything, what makes you think that he is going to try to work on carrying and loving you... I'm sorry but you have to face reality! I think that you should let him be along with his daughter so he can learn to be a father, not just that, but also let another women take your place, trust me you are going to end up so unhappy that you are going to age really soon for worrying about problem that you are never going to be able to fix. Not even therapy helps parents like him, really... He needs to live with his daughter. I will like to see how much he can really take from his daughter". Some times is better to cry for one day for one thing, then to cry your hall life for everything!

Being a step parent is a no

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 7:11pm.

Being a step parent is a no thanks job. If you are having problems now, it will just get worst, much worst after you get married. I know i am in a similar situation. The absolutely best thing you can do is break up with your fiance immediatly and never look back. It will be hard to do, but if you dont you will have nothing but years of misery ahead. I guarantee it.

Loving my step-daughters

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sat, 09/08/2012 - 10:32am.

I am a step mother to 2 little girls ages 8 and 7. My husband has full custody and I was talking to the mother of the girls and asked if something was to happen with their father would I still have some visitation. She didn't answer me but I was wondering if I would still be able to see them not only for me but for my daughter which is there half sister. I was also told that there would be a court hearing by a family member to give her custody. The kids live with us in Alabama but the custody case is in Arkansas. So who would up hold the hearing. I have been so tore up over this because she hates me and I know once she has them me and my daughter wont get to see them. I need help to figure out if there is something I can do to make sure at least my daughter sees them without her having to go to her house which is 9 hours away.

Nothing

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sat, 09/08/2012 - 9:05pm.

If he passes away she has no obligation to deal with you at all. She will not let her kids visit you child. This is unfair and your husband should have thought about that before marrying you. He's the father and should leave a will that specifies which monies should go towards his daughters' college payments, living expenses (child support) and the like. The one in the the wrong is your husband, (lots of wives and kids). Let him deal with it, have a will and a good attorney.

I am 18 years old. My step

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Mon, 09/03/2012 - 7:16pm.

I am 18 years old. My step father has been abusive to my mother on several accounts since he moved in 5 years ago. However, he had never hit me until a few months ago.. over us playfully drawing on his shoulder. He scribbled all over my mother, including her face, and attempted to do the same to me but found me awake. I confronted him on the issue and he took the first swing.. leaving a scratch across my eye. (of which i have photo evidence). I pushed him out the room and slammed the door. His fingers got caught in between the door and the door jamb. His fingers were broken and he went to the emergency room where he had surgery. My damage to him was greater, but accidental. Hes threatening to take me to court as an adult to keep my mom in the house. Can my case hold up in court?

absolutely!

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:56am.

Yes your side can holds up in court. You were defending yourself and have photo evidence of his abuse. I say go for it! Get yourself out of this bad situation.

Kids

Submitted by Crystal (not verified) on Mon, 07/23/2012 - 2:00am.

I'm so lost and I just wanting to know am I wrong for being upset with my husband with my husband because he doesn't want to help provide for my two kids that I had before we got married. He feel like I shouldn't come to him and asked for his help to provide for them. I thought that when you get married your husband suppose to be there for you and the kids no matter what. I just feel like I can't be with him because he doesn't wanna treat my kids the same as he treat his kids.

I know how you feel, I have a

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sat, 07/28/2012 - 8:54pm.

I know how you feel, I have a similar situation. I am engaged for 3 years (we have been dating 8 years) and I have two boys from a previous marriage. My fiance and I also have one child together. My finance will help when it comes to picking the kids up from school and buying them dinner and little things like that. When it comes to big financial discussions like college he wants no part of it, he has a bank account set up for our child together but he would never have one for my kids. My exhusband stops paying child support on a regular basis and even when my fiance sees me struggling to provide basic things like back to school shopping and etc, he doesn't offer to help. I know they are not his kids and he isn't obligated to help, it hurts that he doesn't even offer. We keep all our finances seperate and we each pay our own bills, we have nothing joint. I think this is one of the reasons I have not married him. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone feeling the way you do....

I just wanted let both of you

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Fri, 10/19/2012 - 11:26am.

I just wanted let both of you know that your husbands (or significant other, fiancee, whatever the case maybe) should be there for your children just as much as they are for you. They have stepped into the role of father, not just husband or fiancee. You come as a package deal not solo. I had an ex who at first wanted me and my children (I have 4) after 3 years together he decided that he didn't want my children only me. It doesn't work like that with me. My children are my heart and if any man is going to feel otherwise about my children then he is not worth it (that's how I feel) I am not remarried and my husband is wonderful he absolutely loves me. He is honestly what every woman wants in her man, he pays attention to me, he waits on me, he helps with the children, he spends time with them, he is wonderful! He takes care of my children as if they are his. My ex doesn't pay child support but my husband doesn't complain, he always finds a way to make sure that all of the kids have what they need. His children don't come first just because they are his children. Everyone gets what they need. I know that finding a man like that is not easy, but knowing your children are getting everything they need from everyone in the relationship is easier to do. If he is not going to be part of the equation then you need to make some changes or get some help from a therapist or counselor. For me no man is worth my children's feelings. My children will grow up knowing I was there for them and did all I could for them and now they will know my husband was and is there for them as well.

i have to say that he dose

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 12:19pm.

i have to say that he dose not have to care for your other kids. they are not his and by law he dose not have to. if you looking for a man to take care of you and your kids thin u have the wrong guy. he married you not the kids he is to take care of you and should take care of you. your kids have there own father that needs to care and support them.

i disagree!! you are a package deal!

Submitted by melissa (not verified) on Mon, 11/19/2012 - 1:14pm.

When you marry a man, and you have children from a previous, he knows that before you get married, he also knows how much of a role the bio father plays or doesnt play. In my situation I had my son young, and his bio father didnt have anything to do with him since he was 2, i met my husband when my son was 3 and we had our own child together when he was 4. He always treated my son as if he was his own, and now OUR children are 15 and 11 and my son is very much equally his son. the bio dad still doesnt pay child support or see him, and my husband is fine with that, he even plans on adopting my son. But my point is, my son and I were a package deal, and he knew that. I would choose my child over a man anyday, but this case i didnt have to. My husband started planning for my sons college, just in case he doesnt get a scholorship, and my son wants for nothing, and calls him dad. He is is dad in every way that counts, and any man who marries a woman with kids and refuses to help care for them is a moron and not worth marrying. you will always be fighting for yor child therefor resulting in an unhappy marriage. I thank god everyday for giving me such a wonderful man who loves his family. Our son has called him dad since about 5 and tells everyone hes his dad, and my husband sometimes forgets hes not biologically his, and says it doesnt matter he is his in everyway our daughter is. So my advise, pick your child over this man, i learned men come and go, but you will have that love and bond with yor child forever, and the last thing you want to do is have the child or children grow up in a home where they dont feel fully loved and they are insecure. i speak from my own expierience as a step child, so i wanted better for my son. So I hope you do right by your child/ children and find a man who will love you and kids. I did, and there are alot of men like him. I am lucky that me, my son and daughter have a great man providing a great life for us. and soon he will adopt him, and he will carry his name, that is the only difference between my children is their last name. :) Hope this gave alittle insight and helps. the person who says he doesnt is a moron and might be a guy who isnt a fan of women ith kids. :)

what if you married the

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Tue, 11/20/2012 - 3:02pm.

what if you married the mother and the kids were not in her custody and lived out of state. And she then asks you to support their college. The kids never lived with you and you have only seen them once in a while. Thoughts?

I'm sorry but I absolutely DO

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 1:39pm.

I'm sorry but I absolutely DO NOT agree with that comment. Although he technically has no legal financial responsibility to the stepchildren, if you marry someone with children, they are part of the package. It is all or nothing. A marriage is a PARTNERSHIP. Period. How can you maintain a good marriage when the spouse doesn't fully fulfill their vows to stand beside you no matter what? Seriously?!?

d-i-v-o-r-c-e

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sun, 08/19/2012 - 4:55pm.

If my husband was unwilling to help care for my child that isn't his, he'd hit the road. He didn't just marry me, he married us. You and your kids were a package deal. He either supports the family in it entirety or he leaves. You don't want your children growing up feeling unloved and unwanted and that is EXACTLY what will happen when the husband say 'no, they aren't mine'. THATS BS!

Package Deal

Submitted by Margliz (not verified) on Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:15am.

I'd just like to say I very much agree. You are now a packaged deal, so to say. The man that you choose to marry should accept and take care of you and your kids. If it were the other way around it would be expected of you as well. I am engaged and have 2 kids from a previous marriage and he has 3 kids from a previous relationship. We both made it very clear if we want to be together our 5 kids get treated equally in every way.

ABSOLUTELY!!

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Fri, 10/19/2012 - 11:38am.

You are absolutely right! You are definitely a package deal, he is not just marrying you he is marrying your children as well. He is joining a partnership, you cannot have a marriage and only have one person taking on the responsibility of the children whether the children were created by one or both parents in the relationship or not. Your children maybe be just yours legally, but they will become his in a manner of speaking once you get married or even if you are living in a marriage like relationship with him. If he chooses not to take on a role as stepfather and take is seriously then you should not allow him to take on the role as husband. It's an honor to take on these roles and he should treat it as such. Children should be loved not treated as an unwanted item that comes with you. They should be loved not raised in a house where they are always wondering whether or not they are loved by "the man my mom married". My husband and I have 8 children and 1 grandchild (none together) and they are all treated equally. They are loved, supported and supplied everything they need by both of us. I stay home and take care of them and he works. I am mom and he is dad. There is no name calling the house "step-dad" or "step-mom". We are a family and treat each other as such.

Renting from Step Dad

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Fri, 07/20/2012 - 1:24pm.

Hi. I need some help! My mom is leaving my dad next week (he has no idea yet)and I am renting from his townhouse. When my mom leaves him can he force me out of my house? We never made a lease because we were family but I have a feeling this is going to get ugly. I know I can not change the locks but can he come down and force me to leave my home? I am looking for a place to move too but I need to live there in the mean time..... Any advice on this would be great.

The Legal Rights Of Step-Parents

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