Pleading Temporary Insanity

After two straight weeks of getting kicked in the ribs, which was prefaced by about a month of misdirection, insanity and insecurity, I knew what I had to do. I marched into my advisor's office, sat down and told him that not only was I not applying to graduate school, but I was also not willing to finish my undergraduate studies.

I said this as I handed him a list of my intended courses for next semester.

Though my ranting was clearly due (hopefully) to a temporary lapse in my sanity, my advisor looked at me as if I had gone completely mad. Considering my wildly contradictory actions— talking about walking away from my education while simultaneously preparing for next semester — I very well may have.

I have this incredible ability to go from zero to completely irrational in 1.2 seconds. This problem is exacerbated to epic proportions by fatigue. Being that I've only had a handful of decent nights' sleep in the last seven weeks or so, I suppose this is to be expected.

I know that things will get better — soon, I hope — and that all of my hard work will be rewarded eventually. I also know that things aren't completely hopeless and that things aren't as bad as they seem. After these last couple of weeks, though, I'm beginning to wonder if the payoff will reflect all the blood, sweat and tears I've had to pour into the effort.