Release From The Guilt

I've felt for quite some time that I needed to have some closure. I can't really articulate this or even explain to myself how it happened, but oddly enough, I feel I've gotten it.

Maybe it's because I finally saw Levi for who he really is, who he's become. He’s a sad, broken, old man. I'd built him up as this horrible tyrant, a force to be reckoned with, due to all of the threatening phone calls and such.

Seeing him face-to-face, though, I realized that he’s nothing more than a bully — an overgrown teenager throwing a fit because he’s not getting his way. He does not intimidate me anymore.

Maybe it’s because this time, when he walked away, I didn’t feel that brick in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t get that horrible feeling that he’s leaving me. Yes, I truly loved Levi, but I don't love him anymore. What a great feeling.

Maybe it's because he acted as if he couldn’t care less about Adrian. I had hoped that if Levi saw him, he'd come to his senses, that he melt like everyone else does. He didn't, and that's his loss. I will no longer feel guilty about his lack of interest in our son.

I suppose it's actually a combination of all of that, and then some. Either way, I feel as if I've been released — by him, by myself. I feel absolved of my guilt. I feel ready to move on. I feel like myself again.