One of the biggest myths of all is that divorcees and single mothers are seen as heroes. They've survived trials and tribulations, they took a stand, and they're making it on their own.
Heroes? In my book, yes. In the public eye? Oh, no, not at all, I'm afraid.
Divorcees are quickly perceived as women on the prowl. They're cougars. They're predators. They have no man, therefore, they must be on the hunt for one. And if they're not? Then they must be depressed, suicidal wash-ups barely hanging on.
Single mothers? Valiant crusaders raising children? I'm afraid not. Single mothers are usually pinned as bad mothers, because who in their right mind would rip children away from their fathers and feed kids Kraft Dinner when child support payments weren't forthcoming?
Well, I'll tell you who's in their right mind. Divorcees and single mothers, that's who.
These women have gone through life experiences that are challenges to their very self-worth and integrity. These women fight hard and fight back, sometimes even against themselves as they try to figure it all out.
I know as human beings we shouldn't be looking for revenge. But in early recovery of divorce revenge and having your EX feel your pain is a major want.
I understand the trust issue. I have trust issues and I felt that I would never have a man walk into my live and give my whole heart. Through reading, attending a support divorce group and therapy, I learned that we cannot control others, while only ourselves. You will become strong enough to trust YOURSELF. When you trust yourself you'll know when the right person is there for you and you will trust that your relationship is strong. But you still can't control what others do.
This is such a process. Although the pain of my early journey in this divorce process I wouldn't wish on anyone. It did make me stronger. Yes I didn't want the strength at first. I wanted my home, family intact. That was not so, so I had to re-learn everything in my life again.
Money makes the world go around but it can also tank a marriage faster then you can say Mutual Funds. This is especially true if both people are not on the same page, financially speaking.
Looking back I see that not only were my ex and I not on the same page but we were reading completely different books. We’d lived together for several years before tying the knot and at my husband’s insistence we continued to keep separate bank accounts after we said “I do”. But over time, keeping Un-mutual Funds divided us in a fundamental way and once that fissure occurred, we were never the same again.
I never knew how much money he did or didn’t have and whenever I tried to broach the subject, he would change it. This allowed my very secretive husband to spend his money as he saw fit, which, most of the time, meant pissing it away on whatever little treasures he decided to buy himself. Even though he made twice what I did, he insisted I pay half of all the household bills, which left me with no excess cash with which to indulge myself. Needless to say, this made me very cranky and resentful.
Preparing and filing annual tax returns can be a daunting task if you haven't done it before. It is not uncommon to have this annual task be on 'his' list of responsibilities; so having to face this task the first year after your divorce can have one shaking in your pumps.
You may even find yourself visualizing the IRS contacting you, and orange jumpsuits in your future before you've even figured out what forms you need to complete.
Prior to my divorce, the last time I had prepared my own taxes, it was the one page 1040EZ. So after 13 years I was pretty much clueless on what to do. Now, I have investments, a mortgage, property taxes, etc…
I'm not one to mince words. If you think I'm talking to you, then decide to be offended or decide that there may be merit to the advice — either way, your child's welfare and happiness is my only real goal in writing this.
This isn't a fun time and both of you feel hurt and victimized right now. Whether you are or you aren't is not up to me to decide. Whether you give yourselves the opportunity to move forward in the best way possible is ENTIRELY up to you. Your goal is not to 'get yours' or 'see justice done'. Your goal is to move on, gracefully and with as little damage emotionally and financially as possible.
This week’s “D-Word” is a special double feature! First, the ladies delve into the nature of divorce itself. Is it just a break-up with paperwork, or does the very word “divorce” imply something much more significant? And, next, what does one do with the wedding ring once a divorce is finalized? The answers just might surprise you…
Lately, I'd lost my feeling of being settled and getting into the groove. I felt disjointed, tired, and fed up over my situation.
My mortgage application is still pending approval, and I'm tired and stressed over it. So close, and so far... yet I received some unexpected encouragement.
"You really should congratulate yourself no matter what happens," the bank manager said. I was confused. Congratulate myself on barely qualifying for a mortgage?
"You've come a long way in two years," she went on. "You left your husband. You had to grieve. You were alone with two kids, and you found a place. You built a successful business by yourself."
"Look at you," the woman stressed. "You're back on your feet and doing fine. If it's not this house, it'll be another. You're almost there, and you're on the path back to a healthy life. So congratulate yourself."
