As 2008 began, a lot of us made resolutions that we truly hope to keep. Aside from the typical, "I will lose 10 pounds," my resolutions have more to do with my emotional well-being.

I will not put so much pressure on myself.

I will not live by a schedule — I will be less anal retentive.

I will be more aware of the things I say and how they can be interpreted.

I will stop telling people how fat I am and how much weight I gained.

I will continue to think positively and I will continue to be open-minded.

I will be true to myself.

I will take a deep breath when I start to feel anxious and learn to appreciate being single.

I will add more culture to my life and spend less time shopping.

I will learn to stay in on a weekend to unwind and catch up on "me" time rather than partying till all hours of the night.

I will learn to call it a night before 4 a.m. on a weekend.

I will not send drunk text messages to guys.

I will start to save money again.

I will use my divorce as a template for all the things I know I can't live without in a relationship.

I will remember that people are who they are and for the most part will not change.

I will not stress out if someone does not call when they say they will.

I will stop comparing people to Steve and instead focus on what I am looking for.

I will stay positive.

I won't sweat the small stuff.

Sometimes I feel that my single friends overlook the fact that I'm having a difficult time being single and dating again. They say that at least I've experienced love and found someone to settle down with. They look at my divorce and think that just because it was amicable and happened so fast, that it wasn't such a big deal.

They don't understand what it's like to have someone walk out on you after you've invested over six years with them. They don't have to deal with the endless pictures of the guy who broke their heart that appear when they least expect it. They don't understand the lump in your throat every time you say "Mazel Tov" to a newly engaged couple. And they certainly don't understand having relatives call to congratulate you on being a new aunt, following it up with, "I know this was your plan with Steve... are you holding up ok?"

I sometimes think that when I turn to them for advice or to vent about my dating struggles, they don't have as much compassion since they've been single for much longer than I have. What they forget is that I've never dated before and that learning how to date at 29 is hard -- especially in a city like New York where the word "competition" is an understatement.

There are so many single, successful, attractive, independent women in the city. It's a man's dream come true. Seriously, look around. Fat, unattractive men are with stunning women. Short men are with Amazon women. Nerdy guys are with super models. I'm not being shallow, I'm merely observing what I see as I walk down the streets of Manhattan.

It's hard not to think that maybe these women are with them for money, or that they married for status -- so they could be a doctor's wife or a lawyer's wife. I didn't marry for money or for looks, although I take full credit for Steve's metamorphosis into a very good looking guy. I married for love and that was all that mattered.

I attended the funeral of a very dear friend's grandfather recently. He was 85 years old and he and his wife had just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary. Their love affair lasted longer than most people ever get to experience in their lifetime. They were each other's soul mate and the one great love of each other's lives. He was a wonderful man.

I can't help but wonder what will be said about me when my time comes. Will I have found the one great love of my life? I truly loved Steve and wonder if I will ever love someone as much as I loved him. Will someone consider me the great love of his life? Will I be remembered as a good person? Will I have children and grandchildren who could look back on my life and say that I was a role model for them? Will I be remembered as showing my family how to love unconditionally and being able to teach them that they can do anything that they set their minds to? Will I be able to pass on the values that my parents and grandparents instilled in me?

In 60 years, I will be close to 90 years old if I am still alive. Although realistically that is a lifetime from now, I have often envisioned how I would be eulogized. Would they say, "She lived an unfulfilled life and never had children of her own," or "She was lucky in life but not in love," or "She leaves behind her four cats and two dogs who she adored as if they were her children."

Apparently, the new trend with men these days is something I like to refer to as "The Houdini Act." It usually occurs about a month into dating. One day they wine you and dine you, and the next day they disappear. No note, no explanation, no nothing. They just don't return calls and don't call you.

I knew from the beginning that Shawn was not of the mindset that marriage and children were his calling. But he said he could be proven wrong, said that he felt a connection with me and still continued to see me. The last time we saw each other was good. We relaxed, ordered in sushi and had a bottle of wine. He left three days later for Costa Rica and as far as I can tell, he decided to move there permanently. I called him to see how his trip was and he never called me back. He also must have forgotten that we had dinner plans this evening.

I would think at this stage in our lives, people would be adults and grow up. My friend Melissa experienced a similar Houdini Act recently. She met Barry at a friend's birthday and they spent a month together filled with funny e-mail exchanges, dates, and great conversation. At the one month time period, he said they needed to slow things down a bit. As far as Melissa knows, Barry may have moved to Japan since it has now been a month since their "talk" and she has yet to hear from him. Or maybe Shawn and Barry have found each other and no longer need Melissa and me.

So maybe all the good ones are taken and all we're left with are the ones who have issues, or the ones that some girl tossed aside...and now they're retaliating!

Shawn was away for the weekend and called me when he got back to see if we were still on for dinner last night. After spending the entire night in the hospital and not sleeping, I was exhausted.

I wanted to see him but explained that I was extremely tired and wanted to see if I could interest him in nap time. He thought it sounded like a great idea. He came over, gave me a big hug and kiss and told me I looked beat. We literally slept for two hours. It was very much needed and it was nice to lay there in his arms.

When we woke up, he asked if I was motivated enough to go out for dinner. We both were so comfortable that we decided to order in sushi and open a bottle of wine. It was a really relaxing evening — I am definitely enjoying spending time with him. He's warm, he's funny and he treats me well. I do, however, need to be wary since I know how he feels about getting married and having children.

He gives every indication that he likes me. Before he left, we made plans to have dinner the following week. He was leaving for a bachelor party and we were both booked for the beginning of the week. Although I'm dating other people — which we have not discussed — I have spent more time with him than anyone else since Steve. I'm kind of liking him.

It's been very interesting getting back into dating these past few months. I'm learning again what qualities I can handle in someone and what I can't. I'm learning to be mellower and go with the flow. I'm learning to let someone else take control and make plans, even if it's not something I particularly want to do. The one thing I am having difficulty doing is letting people in.

Shawn and I had our second "date" last night. I'm not sure if the first one counted or not since I basically made our first date plans. But I guess he took me out for dinner after the Rangers game — he was a gentleman.

He came over to my apartment with a bottle of wine so we could hang out a bit before we left to catch a movie. Conversation is very easy with him. He's funny, charming and easygoing.

Shawn tells me I'm very guarded and my mother tells me I'm too rough around the edges. I've become less sensitive, especially during this past year. I have less time for bullshit and feel like I'd rather just walk away at times than give things a fair chance.

Maybe it's part of growing up and knowing who you are. Maybe it's not such a bad thing. At this point in my life, I don't know how I would handle another situation in which I let my guard down and get a rug pulled out from under me once again.

Is it wrong to hold back? Shawn knows some details regarding my divorce. I can tell he's a bit uncomfortable but my relationship with Steve basically encompassed all of my adult life. I never say anything disrespectful about Steve and I don't give gory details of my marital problems. But many stories that I tell were during times that Steve was in the picture. Is it wrong to have discussions that include your ex?

I was out with my friends the other night and I got a text from Shawn. It was after midnight and he was letting me know he was back from his trip. He wanted to know if I was out. My motto is always "the more the merrier" so I texted him the address of where we were and told him to come meet us.

I was talking to a very cute guy and realized that I really didn't want Shawn to come. I hadn't spoken to his since our "date" and didn't think the time of his text was really that respectful. I called him and told him she should catch up another time — I said my friends were leaving and I had to be up early — both of which were true.

He asked me to stay and said he was only around the corner. I was annoyed but agreed to wait. We had a drink at the bar and I was a bit aloof. He mentioned he got back from his trip two days before. I probably rolled my eyes and told him that I really didn't think it was appropriate to call me so late when he had two days to make plans. We live in a technologically advanced era — phones and e-mail both work on business trips.

I didn't think I was being unreasonable. I told him I had to head home. I was cranky in the cab and a bit over it, so I was completely honest. I explained that I wasn't expecting miracles from anyone, but that the comment he made about marriage and family was very candid.

I knew that we had only gone out once but I had to be honest as well. I told him that I wasted over six years with someone who didn't want the same things I did. I didn't want to waste any more time with someone now who doesn't share my desire to have a family.

He was nice but didn't make much of an impact, as nothing occurred other than a few moments of conversation. The Saturday night before Halloween, Karen, Melissa and I went to a party at the Tribeca Grand Hotel and I ran into Shawn again.

We hung out the entire evening and he didn't leave my side. I felt a bit suffocated but I was trying to be nice, so I entertained it. He wanted my number, which I gave him, and a goodnight kiss, which I did not. After all, I wasn't really interested.

He called, I decided to be open-minded, and we made plans for the following week. The evening before our date, he leaves me a message. "Good news, if we go out a week from Wednesday, I'll be ready to show you a great time. Bad news, we need to re-schedule since I have an early flight for a business trip and had a long weekend. Call me back to discuss."

I was a bit peeved since I really didn't want to go to begin with and I'd cancelled plans with my trainer for this. At work on the day of the cancelled date, I was offered two amazing tickets to the Rangers game. I had nothing to lose, so I called him. He was game, and plans were reinstated.

We had a great time and ended up engrossed in a very deep conversation about family. That's when he told me he doesn't want to get married or have children. How do you respond to a statement like that when those are the two things you want more than anything?

He's adorable. We have nothing in common. He is always goofing around, still lives at home and I'm convinced his mother buys his clothes. Don't ask.

I had a really long day at work and was drained by the time he came over last night. Then he started to not feel well. I felt like I was taking care of my child. He needed a thermometer. He needed water. He needed Tylenol. I needed a Valium.

I put him to bed and he was making jokes. I reached my limit. I told him sometimes it's nice to act like an adult. He said that we were looking for different things. I told him I felt like Mrs. Robinson and given his age, I was pretty sure he was not looking for anything serious with a 29-year-old divorced woman. He asked who Mrs. Robinson was.

I thought I wanted an older man but the ones I met have come on too strong and became obsessive. So then I thought I wanted to just be entertained by a younger man who was a free spirit.

I ended up spending my day off with my mother. We went shopping and talked. She told me I need to be more open-minded. Now I've decided all I want my gorgeous gay friend's sperm and a few cats.

We went to Barbounia on Park Avenue in Union Square. We were in the middle of a torrential downpour and I had just endured a full leg wax and more than a Brazilian to prepare for my weekend.

My date: He was 36, relatively cute, well-dressed, and successful. He also had the worst laugh I have ever heard in my entire life. I think the entire restaurant was staring at us. I wanted to die.

In my desire to be open-minded, I've managed to find every wacko in New York City. I had one glass of wine and convinced him that I had to go home and work on a huge presentation that was due by the end of the week. He basically just came on way too strong.

At one point, he leaned in and kissed me on both cheeks. I wanted to throw up. He was Jewish, not European! He then stood up and came towards me, definitely leaning in for a real kiss. I said "Are you kidding?"

He defended himself and said he was just going for my cheek. I told him he was intense. We got the check and shared a cab. He reached for my hand. Was he serious? When he dropped me off, he asked if he could see me again.

I said "possibly." I meant "not a chance in hell." Did I give off any indication that I was interested? Maybe it was the fact that I pulled my hand away? Maybe it was the fact that I told him he was too intense? Maybe it was the fact that I backed away extremely fast when he tried to kiss me. Maybe this guy needs a clue.

Why was I convinced that I needed an older man?