At work yesterday, one of my co-workers came over to talk to me. Although we had briefly been introduced when I started, he sits in the back away from where I sit and we didn't really have an opportunity to talk to one another. You'd think it was two different companies since I never see the IT Group, Accounting or Operations groups.

We started a conversation about real estate and how living in Manhattan eats away at your savings and that you can do so much more by living in the ‘burbs. He lives in Connecticut and informed me that he moved there about a year ago after he and his wife got divorced. We then had a conversation about divorce rates skyrocketing and how his marriage lasted less than three years.

I commented, offered my opinions, mentioned my friends who are divorced, yet I never uttered the words "me too!" I felt like a fraud for not opening up that I was separated since my new colleague was sharing things about his life with me. It was nothing personal, but for some reason, I just wasn't ready to divulge anything about my life.

I'm on a fresh start and feel that discussing my current situation would be taking two steps backward; I have already come so far. I'm sure when the time is right, I will tell my story but right now, I like the fact that I'm just the new person at work and no one knows anything more than what I tell them. I sometimes feel like I'm an imposter. Have any of you felt this way?

I just started a new job... yes, the one I interviewed for five times! Aside from the new job jitters, I was excited to be starting fresh at a company that doesn't know who Steve is, doesn't know who Michelle Newman is and doesn't know the history of the past 6 1⁄2 years of my life. I'm now the mistress of my own destiny and the creator of my past. It's kind of like a guilty pleasure and it's quite empowering and liberating.

Now, since starting a family is no longer in the picture at this point in time, my career is my number one priority. I left an uninspiring job and an unfulfilling marriage. I've been given a second chance and hope that this is the start of something wonderful. But as much as having a clean slate is all I want right now, it's difficult pretending the past 6 1⁄2 years didn't happen. It's normal to talk to work people about family, especially when you sit on an open trading desk and know more about your coworkers than you normally would by sitting in an office by yourself.

I called my brother Eric and asked him for his Social Security number. He asked what I needed it for and I said, "well, do you want to be my beneficiary or not?" He laughed and said "I forgot...Steve's out and I'm back in!" Eric and I were always each other's beneficiaries and he knows that I have created a pretty decent portfolio. I received an e-mail from my office manager asking for my "In Case of Emergency" contact. Steve, my ex, had been mine and I thought that he would always be my "person." I responded with my mother's information, swallowed the lump in my throat and hit "send." At least I know that my new "person" will never leave me.

I received a note from a First Wives World reader this week, coincidentally also named Michelle Rosenthal, who related to my post about returning to my maiden name. She wanted to let me know that I'm not the only one who revisited the "name game" as I start over after separating from Steve.

Here's part of what Michelle wrote: "I was divorced two and a half years ago and proudly went back to my maiden name of ‘Michelle Rosenthal.' Well I think you will agree with me, life is better as a ROSENTHAL :)
What a coincidence!

Dear Michelle,
Thank you so much for responding to me! I'm so happy to be starting my life again using my maiden name, a name that I always felt secure with, always felt myself with and never wanted to give up in the first place.

It seems as though you can relate and understand how empowering it is to take something back that you felt you had to give up. Yes, divorce is hard but it seems to give me strength knowing what the Rosenthal name means to me. It's almost in a way like my security blanket; I will definitely never part with it again. During a time where I don't know much else, that is one thing I know for sure!

Warm Regards,

Michelle

My name truly defines me. I’ve just always been Michelle Rosenthal.

Aside from the wedding invitations addressed to “Mr. & Mrs. Steve XXXX”, my friends never changed my maiden name in their phones or on their e-mail messages or introduced me using my married name.

I was always in the “scene” and the social leader of my group. I picked the places we went, had all of the connections to avoid waiting in lines and bartended at some of the most fun bars in New York City and Westchester County. I have a big group of friends.

Somehow my parents believed me when I said I was going out for “coffee” when I began bartending my senior year of high school! I have a brother that was popular, especially with my friends, and an enviable contact list.

I come from a close-knit family. My last name ends with my brother, unless he has a son. I’ve always been Michelle Rosenthal and was against changing my name. But when I got married, changing my name was important to Steve. Of course I felt as if someone were asking for my unborn child when he asked when I was going to change my name already.

I can’t explain the connection I feel to my last name but it’s just part of who I am. I’ve built my reputation using my name: I completed my education with my name; I’ve succeeded in my career using my name. Hello? I've accomplished most of the memorable things in my life using my name!

I’m proud of who I am and all that I’ve done. For me, taking my husband’s name made me feel like I was losing a part of that. The day Steve moved out, I changed everything back.

I called my friend and my Caller ID popped up as “Rosenthal”. “You don’t waste any time, do you?” she said. Next step was the Dept. of Motor Vehicles and changing all of my credit cards.

Okay, where did all of my money go?

I felt so empowered a few weeks ago knowing that I’m a single, 28-year-old woman who owns her own apartment in the city, something a lot of people my age don’t have.

Okay, let me qualify it: I’m about to turn 29 next month and I’m separated from my husband Steve; our legal separation was finalized in mid-May.

But I have no debt, no loans, no maxed out credit cards. I make a good living doing financial investor relations and was even able to save some money in my own separate accounts. Steve, of course, knew about my accounts since he had separate ones as well.

Joint Citibank, separate Citibank, joint ING, separate ING, joint mutual funds, separate mutual funds. Come to think about it, I was basically prepared for a divorce even though I never thought I’d be in this situation. Don’t get me wrong, I still have all of my savings, but I feel like a walking debit card.

I never realized how much money I spent. There always seemed like there was money to pay for everything. I even handled all of our finances: I took care of the bills, the investments…everything. I basically was the man in the relationship.

But when we went to dinner, Steve put down his credit card so I never paid much attention, although he always did hand me the receipts. Dinners and drinks with friends are so enjoyable, but holy crap, being single is expensive!

What am I supposed to do though? Sit home alone and eat bonbons and think about how shitty my situation is? How my entire world fell apart in a matter of two months?

Moving on means getting out of the apartment and enjoying myself. I’ve never been one to complain about finances or worry that I was spending too much money. I’m young, I don’t have children and I want to enjoy myself. But I also don’t want to deplete my funds.