My husband posted some pictures on his website from a weekend outing he went on with some work friends. It's uncanny how although the ratio of men versus women in his group is something like 20:1, with men greatly outnumbering the women, my husband still manages to wind up in a situation where the only female of the group just so happens to be leaning right behind him.
There he is, big cheese grin, and there she is, leaning in as though the two of them have been best friends since college or something.
So what? So my husband has a group picture of him in a big group of people and there just so happens to be a woman chumming up to him. Okay, no problem. It's not like I would even know if anything was going on with him and this woman, or any other woman for that matter, because he's countries away and our communication is limited to a few minutes on the phone every day and maybe an IM conversation at night. I try to give him the benefit of the doubt, and if anything devious is going on my guess is that it would be more along the lines of him positioning the two of them closely like that in an attempt to rile me into jealously.
The poignant question of the day came from the most unexpected source: the barista in the Starbucks drive-thru. I stopped to get a coffee on my way to a secret wedding in the park. A couple of my friends from church were eloping and asked me to be one of two witnesses and one of five people total who actually knew they were tying the knot that morning. I figured a nice mocha would help me as I tried to balance the giddiness I felt from being let in on a big secret while also feeling a little weird about the whole situation because at this point in my life — let's face it — I'm a little anti-marriage.
So the barista leans out the window and asks me, "Where are you going?" They train these folks to chatter, I think, and I don't mind because I'm a bit of a chatterbox myself most days.
"I'm going to a secret wedding!" I exclaimed, to which she clapped and leaned over to give me my coffee.
My first car was a really old, beat-up car that I would drive to my night classes at the local college. To get to the campus, I had to climb a steep hill and I would always pat the dashboard and try to convince my car that everything would be better once we got to the top of the hill. My car would make funny noises and once in a while would seem like it was about to just give up, but I kept pressing it on and kept promising that the top of the hill would bring with it great relief as we started to cruise down to the campus.
Yes, I talk to my cars…especially when they are old and cranky.
I feel like my life lately has been like trying to make it up that steep hill. The kids have had a really tough time with their dad being gone and I've been stressed out because I'm not used to dealing with the kids without any breaks once in a while. They're upset, I'm exhausted, and all in all everything has not been running so smoothly.
It looks like news of our marital unrest has spread to my husband's side of the family. I wouldn't say that his family ever really liked me, but they have always tolerated me and have been cordial. We just come from different backgrounds and don't mesh very well, and that's fine with me because it's not like we live near them or anything.
I've started planning the summer trip for the kids and me. We're going to head out to visit my family, and if we drive instead of flying we'll pass right through the two states where his parents and his brother live. In my mind, I thought it would be great (and logical) to stop in and see them because the kids get to see them so infrequently.
Silly me for not realizing that my husband might have told them I tried to leave him, or at least I'm guessing that's what happened, because the response I got from his side of the family was lukewarm at best.
If I've learned anything in my husband's absence it's that the kids miss him terribly. They don't like being away from him.
I guess before he left I had this idea that the kids and I would adjust somewhat easily to where we just got used to him not being around, but to tell you the truth there has not been a day that has gone by when my kids haven't mentioned how much they miss their Daddy. With my daughter, it's a daily morose moment when she laments about how she misses him. With my son, it manifests itself into anger and aggression since he's not quite old enough to talk about how he's feeling.
The lesson learned is this: You can't just go on with business as usual when a parent leaves.
My friend has an interesting idea. I don't know if she read this somewhere else or if it's something she came up with on her own, but she thinks that marriage should be a contract that comes up for renewal every few years. For instance, after five years of marriage the couple then decides if they want to renew the marriage contract or if instead they just want to let the contract lapse and then suddenly they aren't married anymore.
No messy divorce, just the ending of a contract.
My first thought was, "Now that's a really great idea!" and then I realized that maybe it's only because of my recently cynical views toward marriage. I think if I was in a truly happy marriage where I envisioned staying with my husband until the day I die, then the idea of a lapsing marriage contract would horrify me. I guess it's kind of like prenuptial agreements in the sense that it simplifies things in case the relationship ends, but it's awfully pessimistic nonetheless.
Let me just get this out of the way right off the bat: I watch too much reality TV. My only defense is that I work late into the evening and some nights the only way to stay awake is to switch on the television and have the noise of mindless shows going on in the background. VH1's Tough Love caught my eye. It's a show where a professional matchmaker counsels and trains women who have not had much luck in the love category.
In the episode I watched, a woman in her late thirties goes on a date with another man similar in age. He grills her with questions until she starts crying because he can't believe she has never been married. He talks about how odd it is that a woman her age has never tied the knot and argues that since she isn't divorced there must be something wrong with her.
Wait, now it's the single people who are undesirable once they hit a certain age?
When I was in my early twenties I thought that there was no way I would ever want to date anyone who had already been married.
