I distinctly remember the pills. When Levi left me, I couldn't sleep and my doctor prescribed me some pretty powerful sleeping pills — even though I was pregnant...

Sometimes when I have a calm moment, which are few and far between, I find myself thinking of all the things that have changed in my life over the last year. It reminds me of that quote, "The only thing that ever stays the same is change." I had never realized before how true that really is. Nothing stays the same — even the best things.

My divorce practically started on the eve of my son's birth. Several emotions all crammed into one — all conflicting — rendered me an absolute mess.

I remember thinking I would never be happy again. I remember worrying about how I was going to support a baby by myself. I remember scrounging for change in between the couch cushions for diapers, thinking things couldn't possibly be any worse.

I remember feeling abandoned and hopeless. I couldn't see the light.

I remember one night — which I haven't told anybody about until now — I was lying in bed, in a house all by myself, totally exhausted from being up all day and night with an infant, all by myself.

I remember realizing that it was cold and walking over to the thermostat to see that the temperature was dropping. No heat, no money for oil. I dressed the baby in warm clothes and put him in bed with me. I remember lying there, wanting to cry, but nothing would come out. I was too exhausted for tears.

It was then that I remembered the pills. My doctor prescribed me some pretty powerful sleeping pills when Levi took off — even though I was pregnant. He also gave me an anti-depressant.

I hadn't taken very many of them, but for some reason I still had them in the cabinet. I remember thinking to myself that I should just go downstairs and take those pills.

I wanted to give up.

I wish I could say that I decided not to do it because I saw my son lying next to me and I knew I had to keep on for his sake.

I wish I could say I suddenly realized how stupid I was being.

I wish I could say that I had any sort of epiphany.

But the truth — the absolute real truth — is that I decided I was just too tired to walk down the stairs.

I was deeply depressed back then. I was scary depressed back then. That was only a little over a year ago.

So many things have changed for me since. I finally picked myself up, got myself into therapy, and started feeling better about myself. I've figured out how to support us, and I know I'll continue to do so.

I know that there are many women that are right now going through what I went through then. I wish to remind them all that things change. That feelings are fleeting and only for a moment. That things do get better. Things change.

Nothing stays the same — especially the worst things.