I have a court date scheduled with Levi for October 23rd. He still hasn't paid a dime of child support and I, sick of draining my bank account down to pennies every day, am sick of putting up with his bullshit.

I am exhausted. This whole ordeal is so freaking exhausting. I never realized how worn out your emotions can make you. Getting a divorce is like running a million marathons.

I tried everything. I tried to go it alone. I've tried to pay for everything by myself. I've tried having four or five jobs at one time  I've tried to reason with him. I've tried to negotiate with him — always reiterating, "I'm not asking for a whole lot, I'm not asking to get rich, I just need some help." 

Every single time I've tried, I've either been met with lies, empty promises, or absolute hostility.

It's weird though, I'm not even angry anymore. I'm just...tired. I want peace in my life. I want happiness. I want my son to have a peaceful, happy, wonderful life. I need to be able to provide that for him.

I just wish I knew what I was doing wrong. Why is it so impossible for me to communicate this effectively to Levi — effectively enough so that he'll listen? Effectively enough so that he'll step up and do SOMETHING.

This doesn't feel right, either. It doesn't feel right to drag the man — a man that I once loved so much — into court and call him a deadbeat.

I realize now why I've been avoiding this moment for so long — filing papers, and then retracting them — it's painful. This hurts. This back and forth bickering. This sitting back and watching Levi not only abandon but totally neglect our son. This really hurts. I only wish there was another way. 

I have been holding back on showing everyone this, mostly because I used to be so thoroughly disgusted and humiliated by it. But today, I looked at it, and actually laughed.

That's when I decided to share it. I mean, who here doesn't need a good laugh, right? Here are the highlights:

He created this in October of 2006. I gave birth to our son in December of 2006. Nice guy, huh?

Okay, on with the laughs. For starters, I can't help but find it utterly hysterical, and somewhat pathetic that he chose the name Sexybeast0007. He could have done without the sexy, I will agree with him on the beast part, though. Next, he claims to be 39, yet he was 41 at the time; but then under the question "The best or worst lie I've ever told" he writes: I never lie.

Laugh on.

The fact that he says that he's single, and has brown hair, is notable, too, especially since he's bald — totally bald. Maybe his hair used to be brown? I guess that's up to his "lucky lady" to figure out.

The fact that he fails to mention that he has two children is disgusting.

Under "Why you should get to know me," you will truly understand, once and for all, what a narcissist this man is. In a paragraph of 30 words or less, I think he calls himself sexy and successful at least three times.

If after you've read all of this, and you've decided you have to date him, but you're upset because he calls himself "picky but worth it," have no fear: it appears that he doesn't have any real requirements for a woman...she just has to be between 22 and 35.

What a loser.

I'm bringing this to court with me. (I have the old version, where his picture was still up.) Mostly to prove that he considers himself to be a successful music and film agent, but also because he admits to using recreational drugs.

Yup, sometimes Levi is a giant moron. Laugh on.

That seems to be what it's going to be for awhile. It sucks, to go to bat with someone who knows you so well. Someone you've shared your deepest self with, someone who really knows how to push your buttons.

Levi knows me better than most people know me. He knows how I feel about arguments, knows that usually I will avoid them at all costs. I'm the kind of person who can't deal with yelling. I don't know why, but whenever someone starts to raise their voice to me, I just shut down. I can't comprehend what they're saying; it's like I go into "safe" mode. Yelling scares me, so I try to avoid it. Which is why, I think, he's doing so much of it lately.

He also knows how much I love my son. My son, I've said, "is my heart walking around outside of my body." He knows that his threats of taking him away from me, stealing him away from me, are crushing to me.

He also knows that I am inherently a good person (why not toot my own horn here?) and will generally forgive quite easily. I honestly think that it's this knowledge that makes him feel so free to be so selfish. The knowledge that one day, I will probably forgive him, and then he gets what he wants. Levi is the kind of guy that always has his cake and eats it too.

He left me a message earlier. Today's threat was this: "If you continue to take me to court, and I'm ordered to pay, that's all I'll ever do. I'll only pay. I'll never have anything to do with him, EVER."

He's said this before, and it used to really upset me. It doesn't anymore. I've come to the conclusion that his relationship, or lack thereof, with Adrian, is up to him. It's not on me to facilitate that. Do you think I'm right?

I am stuck. I'm scared, stuck. I feel like one of the squirrels in the middle of the highway staring down a car, trying to figure out which way to go; only to remain there frozen with fear praying to God this giant machine doesn't run over me.

Yeah, Levi found out about court. That was fast.

He called me once, and I did answer. He screamed a slew of threats at me. Threats like, "I'm just going to take him from you" and, "You don't even know what you're getting into, you really f%%^ed up this time!"

I hung up on him.

Then his other ex wife (see "My Ex's (Invasive and Obnoxious) Ex"), starts sending me emails on the subject.

I'm not even going to pay any mind to her bullshit.

Then I got an email from Levi.

It goes like this:

"It didn't have to be this way. This time you will truly have no one to blame but yourself.

See you on the other side......."

I'm not really sure how to interpret that. He'll see me on the other side of what, exactly?

Again, I'm not responding.

This is usually the point where I back down, and now I'm remembering why. This is awful. The way these people treat me is totally inhumane, uncalled for and unforgivable. The way they treat my son is even worse.

So, I won't back down, today. I will take this one day at a time, and hopefully, I will see it through.

I went to family court a few days ago and filed a petition for child support. I think they recognize me now, and it's almost embarrassing at this point.  I keep thinking that they're thinking, 'Okay, is she really going to do it this time?'

I have an overwhelming urge to explain to them why it is that I keep backing out.  But I don't. I'm sure they don't care, and I'm sure they see this all the time.

The papers are easy. It's two pages of fill in the blanks: my name, his name, our addresses and Social Security numbers, Adrian's name and birthday, and that's it.

The last page is labeled "Court Information," and it asks pretty much the same questions as the prior two pages, except that it also asks, height, weight, eye and hair color.  I must admit that writing "bald" for Levi's hair color gave me a little laugh.

I just can't believe it's come down to this. I really can't. I mean, I know this sounds nuts, what with all of the other crap that he's pulled, but I somehow still can't get it into my head that Levi is this much of an asshole.

I still can't believe that he doesn't care. But his actions have proven it. This behavior that he's been exhibiting over the last two years is not the Levi that I know, or rather, knew.

This is not somebody I would have ever associated with. I still can't believe that this is the new Levi. I sometimes wonder what exactly is going on in that head of his.

In any case, the papers are filed. I'm more nervous now than I was when I was filing them. I'm sure that he'll receive them in the mail within the next few days, and then, once again, all hell will break loose. I'm going to try my best to be prepared and not to let it affect me this time. 

I am taking Levi back to court for child support. It's been quite awhile since I've talked about this, and truth be told, its been quite awhile since I've felt anywhere near strong enough to deal with this again.

Adrian is now a year and a half old, and Levi has paid practically nothing. I have to say practically nothing because he did send me that two hundred dollars, remember?

Not only has he not contributed financially, he hasn't bought Adrian anything. No clothes, no toys, diapers, car seats, cribs, NOTHING.

I was pursuing him for child support before, but I gave up when he and his family started, and continued, threatening me. Threats like, "I'm going to take him from you." Or, "I'll drag this out so long in court that it will make you crazy." Or, my personal favorite, "We're a very well connected family; keep it up, and you'll wind up in jail wishing you were dead." Right, umm..

Did I just step into an episode of the Sopranos? These people are crazy. I was still far too emotionally involved to realize that before. Now, though, that I'm a year and a half removed from the madness, I can see it for what it is.

The simple fact of the matter is this: I am right, and he (they) are wrong.

So, I'm going today to file the papers.

I know this isn't going to be easy. This isn't your classic run of the mill child support case. Levi makes a decent living, and his parents help him hide it.
He's driving a Land Rover, talking on a cell phone, sitting outside of a coffee shop, playing on his laptop — yet, he claims to be broke and homeless.

It's going to be my job, in court, to prove that he is not broke and homeless, that he does in fact make quite a bit of money, and that his parents are hiding it for him.

I'm nervous to get back into this, but I feel stronger than I did before.

In my search for the perfect lawyer, I came across a woman who gave me her very candid, open, honest advice and opinion. She's a very high-powered attorney — read: very expensive, so much so that I won't be able to afford her — so I listened very closely.

I was discussing filing for child support, explaining to her all of the crap that Levi has pulled, or has threatened to pull. She said she had seen this a thousand times before, knows exactly what kind of guy Levi is. She told me that although she agrees that I should pursue the child support that I should be prepared for what is going to come my way — Levi's retaliation.

Her exact words were, "File for support, and fully expect that he will file for sole custody — they do it all the time."

That's exactly what he's done. I was served with the papers two days ago. Even though I was half expecting it, I'm shocked.

How cruel can one man be? What is he even thinking?

His petition basically says that since he has more money than me, Adrian would be better off with him. He lists reasons such as private school, private baby sitters, better medical care and such. Although it was infuriating, it's probably a good thing. At least he finally admitted — legally and on paper — that he has money. So, along with "how cruel can one man be," how stupid can he get? I guess we'll find out.

Levi has been making me nuts for the past few weeks. Wait, scratch that. He’s been making me nuts for the past year. It’s always something with him.

Long story short, due to our divorce, I've needed to amend my will. I needed to remove Levi from being the beneficiary of my life insurance policy and I need to make arrangements as to where Adrian will live if I were to die suddenly.

As it stands now, if I were to die, Levi would get custody of Adrian. He clearly doesn't want custody of Adrian and I would like to have the peace of mind knowing that in the unfortunate event of my death, my son could go and live with my aunt and uncle.

I spoke with my lawyer, and he told me that I could amend my will to reflect that my aunt and uncle would gain custody of Adrian, as long as Levi would sign off on it. One would think that this would be something we could finally agree on, right? Think again.

Levi is a combative prick. When I asked him to sign off on it, he told me, “No way, I'm not giving up that kind of control.” Control. That's all that this is to him. Even when it comes down to doing right by our son, he continues to play games with me.

This led into a whole conversation — if you can call it that — about what a horrible person I am, and how much he hates me. He went into his whole song and dance all over again . It’s seriously exhausting.

He finished up by saying that he'd sign the paper if I'd stop pursuing him for child support. It's always all about the money.

"Hurry up and wait" seemed to be the motto for the day.

I took my seat in the Petitioner's waiting room and waited. And waited. And waited. At noon, the woman sitting next to me asked what time I was supposed to be there for. "Ten o'clock," I answered. "What about you?"

"Nine-thirty." That started a group conversation about how long we'd all been sitting there, and then led into a conversation about why we were all there.

The stories I heard were awful. Every woman there, and the one man, had been there time and time again — all for child support. Every single one of them trying to collect child support from their exes. I spoke to one woman who told me this was her fifteenth time there. Five years — and she hasn't seen a cent. I spoke to a man who told me that he's been raising his daughter on his own since birth — she's now thirteen — and has only received $300 from his ex.

They finally called my name at two-thirty and I went into the court room — alone. Levi didn't show up. The judge decided to give Levi another chance to show up and adjourned the case until next month. Looks as if I'm due for a round two — at least.

Are any of our First Wives World readers having a similar problem? Have any of you been to court multiple times for child support?

I decided to bring a friend along, someone who could keep me grounded and calm. I figured my cousin Ariel would be a good choice because she's family and Levi couldn't be rude to her.

I wanted to get there early so we didn't end up walking into him — I wanted him to walk up and see us. We stood outside for what seemed like forever. When I finally thought he'd never show up, Ariel nudged me and told me he was there. As I watched him walk into the courthouse, I got chills.

I sat there in a little room outside the main courtroom for three hours. When they finally came to get me, they told me I wouldn't have to testify — they had made a deal. While that was a huge relief for me, I didn't really know what to do next. Should I stay and wait for Levi in case he wanted to see Adrian? Ariel said we should wait, so we waited.

Everybody came pouring out of the courtroom. Everybody, that is, except for Levi. Ariel went inside and overheard him asking for a back exit. He was hiding from us!

Finally he came outside. He walked over to me and asked me if he could come over and see Adrian. I said yes, and we agreed to meet in two hours.