Your Generic Holiday Pep Talk

Your Generic Holiday Pep Talk

Take a look at this picture. Some people would see a woman in cheery red celebrating with a sparkler. Me? I see a divorcee looking at a lit stick of dynamite. I mean, really, how else would one celebrate the holidays when you have to deal with your Ex, your Ex's Next, your Ex's family, your own family, your family that you never talk to, and your kids who think you are losing your mind?

Bruised Egos

In my little world, I get to deal with Pam [name changed to protect the guilty]. This woman is a little piece of heaven. I mean she's blonde, had her nose, eyes, and boobs done as well as a tummy tuck [cause they were doing the chest anyway] and has declared me her enemy. She also told me in blunt terms that she thought I had no honor. Because I was forced to report her son for theft.

This little ray of love sent me an email over the Veteran's day holiday thanking me for my military service. I'll let you decide on the amount of irony that little email put in my perverse little heart.

But this is pretty typical for a divorcee's dealings with an Ex's family. They will all descend to depths untold until the holidays. At that point and Santa's gift to you, they remember you have custody of the kids. Suddenly they get out their best behaviors, dust 'em off, and polish up everything they've been forgetting the rest of the year.

Rinse. Repeat. Don't take it personally. This behavior isn't about you. You are simply between them and the kids. Be prepared to be bowled over by the fractured fairy tale that your holiday is about to become.

Death By Kindness

And just as you think you have prepared yourself, suddenly you remember that your kids will be wanting to gift something to that guy who used your heart and life for a door mat. What does a good, not bitter, ex wife help the kids get for the man who took everything? Say that really fast and tack on your best Martha Stewart voice. It doesn't sound so tacky that way.

Well in my case, the little darling is making them something. A Christmas ornament. She picked it out at Michaels and painted it herself. The fact that she chose to depict her wooden snowflake as a solid sheet of black was only made slightly less ironic by deciding that perhaps grey was a better choice of Christmas spirit.

She also decide to decorate the cardboard box in which said ornament is to be delivered. But given the choice between hand delivery over the Thanksgiving visitation or mailing it to them, she chose to be in absentia for the delivery. Sometimes it's almost hysterical to be witness to the death of a relationship by 1000 little cuts of Christmas cheer.

Yes, she still thinks of the wedding they couldn't be bothered to invite her to attend. And apparently, this Christmas is the time for her to express her frustration with them. Somehow I think they'll miss the point.

Visitation Schmizitation

Every holiday, parents all over the world get to take part in the push me pull you of holiday visitation. You take this holiday. I take that holiday. And never the tween shall meet. But in most cases parents can agree to split costs so that child gets from point A to point B with as little fuss as possible.

Until you run into those folks who believe that they don't actually NEED to purchase return tickets. In some instances you need a letter from Lawyer A to Lawyer B. And that makes everyone's Christmas just a little bit brighter, no?

So...

If this sounds like your Christmas, take heart. It's only a matter of a few days before you get to return to the daily grind. But if you absolutely MUST have Christmas spirit, just remember that you never mix alcohols and the Post Office frowns on packages that tick.

You'll take these days like all the others. One at a time. With a spirit that doesn't take his cr4p and a heart that refuses to bend to the pressure of the darkness you have gone through. This Holiday Season is going to be full of Christmas Cheer even if you have to watch Charlie Brown's Christmas 12 times in a row [and a partridge in a pear tree!!!!].

Good luck. You can do this, Allie