I've got a problem. I like my current job, a lot. It's fun and rewarding but it's also demanding and on some days it has a tendency to take over my life. Like, for example, when I work 14 days straight. My boss is a wonderful woman, I also like her a lot, as a person, but sometimes — as a boss — she sucks. Like today, for example.

I had been filling the role of administrative assistant (mind you I also do a lot of freelance writing on the side, and have only taken on a "day job" as a means to pay bills while Levi isn't paying child support) for a minimal salary when an opening came up for Activities Director (this is an independent living facility for seniors). 

The activities director position was advertised at 5K a year more than my position. Interviews were conducted and somebody was hired, but the day before she was to start, she called and declined the position. I thought about it, and told my boss I'd like to take it. She readily agreed and even added that it was great for me as the position paid more.

The new job has been even more fun, as I am allowed to be more creative and flexible with my time. My first paycheck was $100 more. I was super excited about that. I began to think of all the ways that I might finally be able to put a little bit of money away for Adrian, or for vacation, or just for something... 

Since I've been living hand to mouth, draining my bank account every week (down to pennies; I'm serious) this was pretty great, and I felt a huge wave of relief come over me.

Then today happened. The payroll company called this morning and told me that my boss had reduced my salary by 4K. (So, now I'm only getting 1K a year more than I was before.) They didn't have an explanation, and as she isn't due back from her vacation for two weeks, I won't be getting one anytime soon.

I'm pretty annoyed. I can't even imagine why she did that. Especially after we talked about it.

I was already resentful before because I felt as if I was being overworked and underpaid. Because to my boss, being on salary means that she can work you upwards of 65 hours per week with no compensation. Because she's a big fan of "flex time," I am owed more than 200 hours, and they keep piling up.

I feel like if I let this go, I'm not being true to myself. I feel like the only reason I'm working for her is because I am afraid that I won't make it on my own. There is a part of me that really wants to take it on. Do my thing, start my business, write my book, make a movie, etc. Then there's the part of me that is afraid to fail.

Before Levi, none of this would have mattered. I would have done it. I wouldn't have been afraid of being poor. I would have only had myself to support. Now I have Adrian to think about. too. This decision is a really tough one.