I read Julie Savard's posting about living apart together. I found this idea very interesting. I have obviously heard of couples living apart to "take a break" while trying to sort things out, usually while deciding if they actually want to stay in the relationship. I have not heard of couples going into the relationship with this understanding.

I found this delightfully interesting. I think this could be the path of any future relationship I may enter into. I like the idea of maintaining some of myself. I always seem to lose myself somewhere along the way when taking care of a man and trying to be that perfect wife.

I like the independence I have found in this post-divorce world. I have always been in some form of relationship it seems. The past two years have been the longest single period in my adult life — I have been alone to just actually get to know myself, which by the way, I am enjoying immensely. I like being in a relationship but can't say the same about living with someone else. I have enough dirty laundry and dishes of my own.

I realize that I am nowhere near entering another relationship. I need a lot more work on myself before that can even be an option. This sounds like the perfect compromise for me when I am ready.

I want to thank Julie for this information. I will continue to look deeper into this arrangement idea.

Single and turning 40 — that's a heck of a combination. I do mean that in a good way! I am not freaked out about turning 40 in the least. I am actually rather excited to start a new decade in my life. I am hoping I have learned at least one or two things along the way.

I don't consider 40 to be old at all. I think I am actually in my prime. I'm getting more comfortable in my own skin every day. I like the way I look and feel. I'm satisfied with the relationships I have with my children.

When I was in my 20s and for most of my 30s, for some reason I never felt right about myself. Something was always too fat or to thin, too big or small. Just always something to pick myself apart about. The mad rushes to return to pre-baby weight. What will so-and-so think if I do such-and-such?

To be honest, I really don't care anymore. I've come to a place in my life where it is a take it or leave it mentality. If they decide to "leave it" I am perfectly fine with that. I no longer worry what everyone else will think.

It feels great to actually almost be an adult. Because in my book, if I'm not true to myself or not doing what's right for me and for my family, I'm lacking maturity — a key facet of adulthood.

Maybe by the time I'm 50, I'll know what I want to be when I grow up.

It is six degrees below zero out right now, as I type. I am in dire need of some warm weather and lots of sunshine. The lack of sun can do strange things to one's mood. Anyone from the northeast that is prone to depression can attest to that. I think someone should open a resort in the Michigan area that has piped in sunlight of some sort. They would make a large profit.

My children and I have not been anywhere in a couple years. This seems like the perfect time to put something on the calendar and have something to look forward to. We've been to Disney World a couple times. We are lucky enough to have a grandmother in the local area of Disney, which made it much more affordable to plan such a trip. Our last visit was right after the separation. It seemed so strange to be there with just the children and me. It was a wonderful trip, it worked out great. The Florida sunshine would feel wonderful right now.

Maybe I will just load up the van and drive until I hit warm weather. I am sure there would be plenty to see along the way. I'd like the adventure of it all. Although I'm certain I could never get in the vehicle with my kids without double-checking every reservation I had made. I would be a nervous wreck something would go wrong.

Spring Break is coming, so maybe not Florida. But I am definitely going to make sure I find some sun soon.

I often wonder who this person is looking back at me from my bathroom mirror. What makes this even more confusing is that it varies from day to day.

One day she is my best friend, a person I can trust. Someone who has known me forever. Knows my weaknesses and is there to help and protect my inner self from the cruel outside world. I enjoy days like this when I am feeling confident and aware of my place in the world. Feeling as if I am a productive parent and a good friend.

Then there are the days when I do not like this person or the choices they have made. I feel this person is not qualified to make sound decisions and should not be trusted. I know this stems from my mistakes in life and I have a hard time letting myself off the hook for such things. These are the days I am feeling insecure about myself and my life as it is now.

Other times I float comfortably somewhere in the middle. I think this is the best place for me. I am aware of where I have been and am comfortable with the journey ahead of me.

I know all this is just part of becoming comfortable in my own post-divorce skin. There are things I regret and things I know were the right thing to do. It will be a growing process, learning to stand alone again and feel strong doing it. I am up for the challenge.

Let me start by saying, No! I did not buy my ex a Christmas gift! I am not the most forgiving person in the world, and I recognize this flaw in myself. That being said. I'm curious as to how many people actually purchased a gift for their ex at the holidays? I am not talking about going out and buying a present for your child to present to the other parent. I mean a gift straight from you to your ex or soon-to-be-ex.

I received a gift from my ex, which is why I began thinking about this. I'm wondering if I'm just bitter. I mean, beyond the normal point of anger we all feel at the end of a relationship. I was actually a little angry that he bought me a gift. I know that probably makes no sense at all.

During our marriage, my ex always presented me with gifts, usually when he was acting the worst, or wanting something. I became annoyed with these trivial items in place of any actual communication or closeness. I wish I could return these so-called "gifts" for some things that could have actually made a difference.

Like maybe giving back the tennis bracelet in trade for listening to ME instead of the local news. I could even trade some of those fancy kitchen gadgets for not changing the subject when I'm trying to talk about something I feel is important.

I did not return the favor and get my ex a gift this year. I have given him all I could think of, that was long before I ever left.

I had no Christmas spirit this year whatsoever. I'm very happy to see the season has passed. This has been a difficult year and I'm glad to see it on its way. I've been hoping for the last three years that the next year will be better. Well, 2007 was no different.

Three years ago, my grandfather took his own life. What a difficult year that was. Last year was my divorce year. That was not final until November, so the battle raged all year.

I learned this year that my father has terminal cancer. If that doesn't knock the wind out of you, nothing will.

2007 was bittersweet in so many ways. I took a trip to Tennessee with my parents and siblings. My father was raised there, and we went back to see the place where he grew up and to visit my grandfather's burial site. This trip had so much finality, which was very unsettling. Don't get me wrong — I am so grateful I went — but at the same time, I felt I could have had nervous breakdown at any moment.

I hate to think what this year could hold with my father's current health. Naturally, I'm hoping for a miracle and a wonderful year. Only time will tell, but for now, good-bye 2007 and good riddance.

So here we are faced with another new year. Please bear with me through one of millions of resolution lists. For the last several years, my resolutions have always seemed to focus around everything but myself.

Like the year, I was going to try "harder" to make my marriage work.

Then the year I was going to be a better mom because I felt guilty that my kids had listened to me argue with my ex all year.

Followed by the year I refused to make a resolution at all. I had given up.

My plan this year is to treat myself better. I know it sounds like a selfish resolution. Perhaps if I am better to myself , I will be better for others. That is what "they" say anyway.

This has been a difficult year at times. I have been very hard on myself. In the next year, I want to learn to like me again, to become a friend to myself again. Maybe I just want to learn who I am after all the madness of divorce. That would be an accomplishment in itself.

I am not going to lock myself into anything specific. That would just be too much of an invitation for failure. I will keep it open to any opportunity to be more patient with myself. Maybe a bit kinder and a better friend. All these things I resolve to ME.

We, as women, have a huge flaw of putting everyone else before ourselves. We can't help it, I know, although the only ones who suffer from this are, you got it, us.

Take the time this year to add a resolution for the person who is always there for others, the one who pushes herself to the limit day after day.

Sound familiar?

Make a resolution for YOU and it will make the New Year brighter. Try it. It works.

I find the stress level in my home has gone down drastically since my divorce. I feel as though I have reclaimed my home and myself. People are always talking about how hard it is to be a single parent. Here's what I love.

The best part of living alone to me is dirty dishes in the sink. I will no longer have the dishes done by the time someone comes home from work.

Dinner will no longer be at 5:00. It will be served when the delivery person gets here.

Those dirty socks on the floor — the ones I used to run around and pick up all day — I find add texture to the carpet. I kind of like them there.

In addition, the kids send their love. As they run yelling and screaming through the house. NO quiet rules anymore.

I made the decision to divorce for myself as well as my children. We no longer live in fear of upsetting someone. For the first time in a very long time, we can truly relax. It will be a Merry Christmas in our house this year. There may not be any presents under the tree. However, the gifts will be greater.

Now who wants to order some pizza?

I'm still trying to reclaim my life after being divorced for a year. My main problem is that I don't recall who I was before marriage. I know that sounds strange to some, and makes perfect sense to others.

I was totally committed to this relationship. I put my all into this, and it still failed. This is my third divorce. What's wrong with me? I ask myself this question often. I know it's not fair to blame myself, but being hard on myself is one of the few things I can do well, can be consistent at, and never fail.

I can make myself feel worse about me than anyone can.

All that time he wasted telling me how worthless I was — what a bad person I was — what a waste of time. I know I'm a terrible person. Why did he keep telling me? I know it better than anyone.

I have days when this is how I feel. I know these days are not healthy. I know I have to fight the thoughts I have sometimes.

The thought of the last huge argument. What he said to me — how could he say that? The names he called me. The kids — how could I let this happen again? I beat myself up enough, without allowing these memories to continue to abuse me.

I am a victim of abuse. I always have been. I don't wear a black eye or a fat lip. My wounds are hidden inside. I feel like they will never heal, I will never be the real me again.

I am out of this divorce and ready to reclaim my life. Someone please point me in the right direction.

My life story doesn't include a white picket fence, kids playing in the yard, or Dad returning happily from the perfect job. I am a single mother to four children. I just came away from my third divorce with more bumps and bruises than I care to admit to. Either I have a terrible judge of character or I have won the jerk lottery, I haven't quite decided yet.

My first marriage was to my high school sweetheart. The best part of this relationship was that we never had children together. Therefore, the break had no lasting ties.

I met my second husband in the Air Force. We were married after knowing each other for only about a year. He came from a wonderful Christian family — he couldn't be all that bad, right? This marriage resulted in two children who are now 17 and 18. After the divorce, he no longer felt a need to see his children. I've spent a large amount of time reassuring them that this is not their fault. They are wonderful people — they're valuable, and deserve love.

After my second divorce, I was working in Michigan at a good job. Earning enough to pay the bills and keep food on the table. My problem was I was still young and naive. I fell for a coworker, we were married, and my life has never been the same. I was being groomed to be controlled. I ended up quitting my job to stay home with the kids.

I had two small children from this marriage and two teenagers. That was the beginning of the end. I was kept in the dark about all finances. I was no longer permitted to see family and friends as I wanted. When it became physically abusive, it was time to go.

I now live in a manufactured home. I have no job or benefits. I want to encourage other woman to have their own strength, not to believe everything they hear.

Pillow talk is cheap — it does not pay the bills. I will recover from this. I hope to be a little wiser — maybe not as trusting — but a better person as a whole.