I've been single for the past two years. It still seems strange to me to be cooking for just the kids and me. I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone or not. But for some reason I still feel someone is missing at the dinner table.

If he were still here, don't get me wrong, I think I would have to poison him. However, all joking aside, it still seems strange at the table to just be the kids and myself. I'm not sure where this comes from or even why. I don't recall feeling this way after my other divorce and both marriages lasted around the same amount of time.

I'm not a big fan of cooking, but my ex really enjoyed the family dinnertime together, so this may be where the void is coming from. It wasn't as if he was going to help cook or clean up, but he was always ready to sit down and have a meal. Therefore, it's not as if this was a time we spent together in the kitchen or anything along those lines that I'm missing.

I haven't mentioned any of this to the kids. I don't want to plant any seeds and start something in their minds. Nevertheless, it certainly makes me wonder why I feel this way every time I'm preparing a meal. It actually makes dinnertime a bit of a sad experience on some days depending on my mood.

I help take care of my 90-year-old grandmother. She lives alone and is mostly independent, but doesn't drive. I assist her by taking her to all her doctors' appointments, doing some household chores, and taking her to the grocery store. She's currently receiving regular injections, and I scheduled this month's appointment for the 14th.

This was not done unconsciously. I figured this day might bring me down some, and having something extra to do would keep me busy. Not to mention having the blessed opportunity to spend another day with the woman who has been such a wonderful presence in my life.

I do not need man to have a good Valentine's day. I just need to spend it with someone I love and someone who actually loves me unconditionally in return. That is a combination I have never found in a man.

Therefore, this Valentine's Day I will be with my grandmother. We will both have a Valentine and will have a wonderful day together, I am sure. We will make one more memory together, and this to me is better than any box of chocolate or flowers I have ever received. It will be real and mean so much more than hollow gifts given out of guilt.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone — spend it with someone you love and someone that loves you in return.

My ex finally received his letter stating the amount of child support he is to pay for our daughter. I have my son from this union every weekend. He has not seen his daughter in a month. He also hasn't taken the time to call her or have any contact except for the few minutes it takes when we pick up her brother. Yet, he found time in his hectic schedule to call as soon as he received this letter in the mail.

This call was an attack — yet again — on me, trying to get me to respond in some way. I am happy to report that I did not take the bait. I simply told him to call them and try to resolve this matter, which I am sure is not a mistake. He earns four times what I do in a month. I hardly think the court will allow this to situation to continue with no additional support for my daughter. Nevertheless, he is free to call and check it out for himself.

I find it amazing the response many men have over child support. If circumstances were reversed, I would be more than willing to help provide for my child. I visit my son regularly and do not intend to stop that pattern. I would not change visiting my son for any amount of money in the world. Certain things just do not have a price in my opinion. I wish he were half as concerned about his daughter as he is his checkbook. Now that would make for a wonderful father-daughter relationship.

I am cutting all ties to my ex that is not specifically related to our children. I am no longer going to fall into the argument trap. I see no reason to communicate beyond the children anyway. My ex just loves to get under my skin. This has to be true, otherwise why would he go out of his way to anger me? This has happened repeatedly. It always blows up in my face and makes me look like the irrational one.

He knows from experience what buttons to push and when. I am tired of giving him the satisfaction of doing it. He had constantly been having my son call on a daily basis to see "When are you going to come see me?"

I stopped that by a set-in-stone visitation schedule. We had been trying to allow the other parent visitation as our schedules permitted. This will no longer be the arrangement as it has been used to manipulate many situations. Something as simple as this cannot even be agreed on. So now, I pick up my son on a specific day each week and he stays with me for two nights.

Every toy I've bought my son since the divorce is at his dad's house. I was allowing him to take them home, instead of making him wait until he came back to play with them. Well, when I pick him up and he wants to bring something I've purchased for him, his father makes sure to remind me to bring it back.

Therefore, I think it will be best to have separate toys at each house, because this has become too much of a source of confrontation. Just little nitpicky things to try to anger me and I am no longer taking the bait.

Single and turning 40 — that's a heck of a combination. I do mean that in a good way! I am not freaked out about turning 40 in the least. I am actually rather excited to start a new decade in my life. I am hoping I have learned at least one or two things along the way.

I don't consider 40 to be old at all. I think I am actually in my prime. I'm getting more comfortable in my own skin every day. I like the way I look and feel. I'm satisfied with the relationships I have with my children.

When I was in my 20s and for most of my 30s, for some reason I never felt right about myself. Something was always too fat or to thin, too big or small. Just always something to pick myself apart about. The mad rushes to return to pre-baby weight. What will so-and-so think if I do such-and-such?

To be honest, I really don't care anymore. I've come to a place in my life where it is a take it or leave it mentality. If they decide to "leave it" I am perfectly fine with that. I no longer worry what everyone else will think.

It feels great to actually almost be an adult. Because in my book, if I'm not true to myself or not doing what's right for me and for my family, I'm lacking maturity — a key facet of adulthood.

Maybe by the time I'm 50, I'll know what I want to be when I grow up.

When my ex and I got divorced, we did not have an etched in stone visitation plan. I was open to whatever worked best with our schedules. We do not keep the kids from one another in any way. I normally see my son at least two days a week and my ex has the same kind of schedule with our daughter. He has custody of our son and I have custody of our daughter. My ex is retired and my son isn't in school so he has his dad all day, instead of being in daycare. I'm sorry, but society makes me feel I have to explain why my son is not living with me.

My ex has now decided to allow my son to call me every day and ask me when I am coming over to see him. This includes the days my ex knows I have a doctor's appointment or a previous commitment of some sort. It makes me feel terrible to have to explain to my son every single day why I can't come over to see him.

I know my ex is doing this on purpose, just to piss me off! I have asked him on numerous occasions to stop doing this. It is beyond me why a parent would put their children's feelings and best interests aside for their own immature gain. It would be simple enough for him to say, "Mommy will be over on Tuesday".

As simple as that may be, though, I guess his need for revenge toward me at the expense of our son's happiness makes sense to his warped mind.

I've learned a lot about myself over the past year. Probably more than at any other time in my life. I think this is because this is the first time in my life I've focused completely on myself and not on a relationship. I haven't been on one date since my divorce, and don't intend to date for quite some time. I have a few things I feel I need to work on before even considering a relationship again.

I want to become comfortable with being alone, and enjoying my own company. I've been involved in some form of relationship for the last 20 years. Whether it's dating before a marriage, an actual marriage, or being on the rebound. If I don't change this pattern, I feel any future relationships are headed for certain doom.

I need to raise the bar for myself and for any potential partners. It seems all of my previous relationships had a flaw right from the beginning — that one thing that we could figure out later, change later, deal with later. If it's not right from the start, I've learned I don't want to fix it. Why enter any kind of relationship that already has a few personality problems?

I want to be financially independent before adding anyone else to the mix of my kids and myself. I don't want to rely on my partner for any financial support, and he shouldn't expect any support from me. My next relationship will not involve community finances. I want separate accounts and split expenses down the middle. This will be necessary for the security of my kids.

I am sure this list will get longer as time goes by. I have no intentions of "settling" again.

I had no Christmas spirit this year whatsoever. I'm very happy to see the season has passed. This has been a difficult year and I'm glad to see it on its way. I've been hoping for the last three years that the next year will be better. Well, 2007 was no different.

Three years ago, my grandfather took his own life. What a difficult year that was. Last year was my divorce year. That was not final until November, so the battle raged all year.

I learned this year that my father has terminal cancer. If that doesn't knock the wind out of you, nothing will.

2007 was bittersweet in so many ways. I took a trip to Tennessee with my parents and siblings. My father was raised there, and we went back to see the place where he grew up and to visit my grandfather's burial site. This trip had so much finality, which was very unsettling. Don't get me wrong — I am so grateful I went — but at the same time, I felt I could have had nervous breakdown at any moment.

I hate to think what this year could hold with my father's current health. Naturally, I'm hoping for a miracle and a wonderful year. Only time will tell, but for now, good-bye 2007 and good riddance.

So here we are faced with another new year. Please bear with me through one of millions of resolution lists. For the last several years, my resolutions have always seemed to focus around everything but myself.

Like the year, I was going to try "harder" to make my marriage work.

Then the year I was going to be a better mom because I felt guilty that my kids had listened to me argue with my ex all year.

Followed by the year I refused to make a resolution at all. I had given up.

My plan this year is to treat myself better. I know it sounds like a selfish resolution. Perhaps if I am better to myself , I will be better for others. That is what "they" say anyway.

This has been a difficult year at times. I have been very hard on myself. In the next year, I want to learn to like me again, to become a friend to myself again. Maybe I just want to learn who I am after all the madness of divorce. That would be an accomplishment in itself.

I am not going to lock myself into anything specific. That would just be too much of an invitation for failure. I will keep it open to any opportunity to be more patient with myself. Maybe a bit kinder and a better friend. All these things I resolve to ME.

We, as women, have a huge flaw of putting everyone else before ourselves. We can't help it, I know, although the only ones who suffer from this are, you got it, us.

Take the time this year to add a resolution for the person who is always there for others, the one who pushes herself to the limit day after day.

Sound familiar?

Make a resolution for YOU and it will make the New Year brighter. Try it. It works.

I am so proud of my daughter, Tia. This is the first time she's made the honor roll. She is a bright girl and capable of this consistently, but her grades have suffered the past couple years. This is in spite of helping with countless assignments. I've asked if she has homework ten thousand times. I eventually became frustrated and threatened to take away everything she has received since birth. Well, it wasn't that drastic but you get the idea.

I knew the divorce had affected her, but I guess what shocked me was how much and for how long. Obviously, I expected her to be upset and go through many of the same emotions I was feeling. I knew she would be sad and miss having her dad around everyday. There would be a void. Even though things are more peaceful now, we were all sad.

I take this accomplishment as a HUGE Star for her. She has taken the needed time to heal, to allow herself time to do her own grieving over the divorce. he now seems ready to focus more on herself and to achieve the things she wants.

I'm not a psychologist by any means, but I see her returning to her old self more everyday. She's laughing more and not being so withdrawn. She's taking an interest in her studies again. I believe she's coming along great and ready to start investing in herself again. That's a good thing and I am very proud of her. She's going to be alright.