Can't We All Just Get Along?

Divorce through mediation, a comparatively new procedure, is not considered as an alternative to a court action by most divorcing couples.

In the United Kingdom, the Public Accounts Committee (PAC) recently reported that one in three couples seeking a divorce are not even told about mediation. PAC claims that mediation "can be cheaper, quicker and less acrimonious."

I'm wondering, if mediation is cheaper and less time consuming, why have so few chosen that path? The answer in the UK, as well as here, lies in the failure of attorneys to recommend it because of a lack of financial incentive. Divorce attorneys who are first consulted about domestic problems tend to keep the case in their office. In Britain, almost half of divorcing parties said they would be willing to use a mediator.

I've studied the mediation approach and find it to be very successful in the U.S. One study claims mediation produced an agreement in 50-80% of the cases studied. In the UK, the process showed a 59% success rate for full or partial agreements. Mediated agreements tend to be more comprehensive and result in more joint custody, compared to adversarial court hearings.

In mediation, couples sit with a professional, impartial mediator to resolve key issues of visitation, child support, custody, alimony and property. Parties can have an attorney or financial planner present or for consultation. The average time for mediation would be 3-4 sessions of several hours, depending upon the number of issues. The cost — $1,000-$5,000 — is split between husband and wife.

I'd not recommend mediation if violence or abuse was present. For the system to work, both parties have to be willing to talk to each other, in person or by conferencing, with a mediator who acts as a referee in attempting to resolve the differences. If no agreement is achieved the parties can take their case to court.

I believe mediation needs to be recommended more widely. What are your experiences with a mediated divorce?

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