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Talking The Talk
There comes a time in every divorced Woman's life when she has to start dating again.
Sometimes it's because she wants to. Sometimes it's because she's sick of the "When are you going to start dating again?" questions. Soon enough, though, it happens to all of us.
There is the soul-destroying outfit selection process. There is the requisite discussion with our girlfriends about how much the dating world has changed since we were dating The Ex.
There is the selective memory loss about the actual amount of pain involved in getting a bikini wax. All of these are standard, normal, and compulsory.
We go on our date. We share a carafe of overpriced wine. We say witty things. Those of us who have hair make sure to toss it in a mysterious and alluring fashion. Everything goes well, and then it happens. We end up having The Talk.
The Talk is the conversation you have when you disclose that you have been married before. Sometimes The Talk involves the confession that you are actually still legally married. It's uncomfortable. It's full of weird pauses. It says with definition that you're probably not a virgin.
I was lucky with The Talk. I told the man who is now my partner that I'd been married before and he replied, "Well, I didn't think you had your son with a stranger!" This is rare and to be appreciated.
How do you handle The Talk?
The talk
My experience has been to question the man. It never occurred to me that I had to feel awkward about my divorce as it was never my decision to get a divorce in the first place. I find myself distrusting men (possibly because my ex lied a lot - to prevaricate would be a better term for what he did). Anyway, I ask them why they are divorced or single, and it makes me think that my ex must be using these same excuses when meeting women. Of course, I could never believe him, so exponentiate this to the next guy in line and there...I can move on. Aren't they all alike. I guess, unlike you, I'm not ready for the dating scene.
I do feel bad about the divorce when I have to sign forms for the kids school or doctors and I have to write down that I'm divorced. It feels like such a failure and I really have to stop and convince myself that it wasn't all my fault. I feel like I'm being judged each time and that I should be given the chance under the "divorced" section for comments. You know, "It was the jerks fault", "He didn't even want to try to make it work", "He had an affair", "He was a drunk", "He had not time for me and the kids", "The kids and I were too boring for him" etc...
It's nice to see that there are nice guys out there. Good for you for finding one.
Patricia