My name truly defines me. I’ve just always been Michelle Rosenthal.

Aside from the wedding invitations addressed to “Mr. & Mrs. Steve XXXX”, my friends never changed my maiden name in their phones or on their e-mail messages or introduced me using my married name.

I was always in the “scene” and the social leader of my group. I picked the places we went, had all of the connections to avoid waiting in lines and bartended at some of the most fun bars in New York City and Westchester County. I have a big group of friends.

Somehow my parents believed me when I said I was going out for “coffee” when I began bartending my senior year of high school! I have a brother that was popular, especially with my friends, and an enviable contact list.

I come from a close-knit family. My last name ends with my brother, unless he has a son. I’ve always been Michelle Rosenthal and was against changing my name. But when I got married, changing my name was important to Steve. Of course I felt as if someone were asking for my unborn child when he asked when I was going to change my name already.

I can’t explain the connection I feel to my last name but it’s just part of who I am. I’ve built my reputation using my name: I completed my education with my name; I’ve succeeded in my career using my name. Hello? I've accomplished most of the memorable things in my life using my name!

I’m proud of who I am and all that I’ve done. For me, taking my husband’s name made me feel like I was losing a part of that. The day Steve moved out, I changed everything back.

I called my friend and my Caller ID popped up as “Rosenthal”. “You don’t waste any time, do you?” she said. Next step was the Dept. of Motor Vehicles and changing all of my credit cards.

I can’t tell you how many people congratulated me when I said I needed to change my name! I guess most people are optimists and assumed I was getting married, rather than divorced.

Now I’m in the process of finding a new job and introducing myself using my maiden name again and it makes me feel so much stronger, like I'm moving on with my life. I haven’t told anyone at work what I'm going through, so I’m still using my married name there.

It’s like ripping off a band-aid ever so slowly each time I have to answer to a name that I no longer identify with. A new job is the last step toward being able to completely start over and keep my past in the past. I have no regrets, just lessons learned.

I am now, and will always be Michelle Rosenthal. Don’t ask me why, but it truly defines who I am.