Do you ever find yourself staring at your wedding ring? I remember when my husband first proposed I worked in a store that had great lighting so I would sit and stare at my engagement ring whenever I had the chance. It was so beautiful and sparkly and it represented such a bright future ahead of us.

Before we had kids I fantasized about my baby someday staring at the sparkles in the ring while wrapping his or her little fingers around it. When my babies came along, they didn't get to see much of the ring because my fingers were so swollen that I couldn't wear it. 

This was around the same time the marriage started to face some real trouble. When I lost the baby weight and got the ring back on my finger I hoped it would renew something. Maybe we could reclaim the love we once had just like I had reclaimed the right to wear my wedding ring.

I know I put way too much emphasis on symbolism. I don't know why my brain works that way. By the way, he presented the ring to me when he proposed while we were watching The First Wives Club on television. I'm pretty sure there's some irony there.

I find myself staring at my wedding ring a lot nowadays, too. I think about what it felt like to put that ring on my finger for the first time and how I never thought in a million years how our relationship would someday evolve (or deteriorate) into what it is today. I wear the ring because I'm married, but I don't see it as a symbol of a bright marital future.

I know many women in my situation don't even bother to wear their wedding rings anymore, but I do. I'm married. No matter what my heart says I'm still married. The ring announces this to everyone, and I'm fine with that. I just can't make the claim anymore that when I stare at my ring I'm thinking about all the glorious years ahead of us in wedded bliss.