A few months before I got married, my brother came to visit. We thought it would be fun to have a night out on the town.

Sidenote: My brother is two years older than me and we have always been close...he's my hero, and I always thought of him as an ideal man. I think a lot of little sisters idolize their big brothers, and I'm no exception.

The evening started out as a lot of fun. He and I and a few friends went to a popular dance club and had a few drinks, and after we all hit the dance floor it wasn't long before I realized I couldn't find him. I headed upstairs to the other dance floor to see if I could find him and there he was, kissing some random woman.

A describe her as "random" because she wasn't his wife. His wife — my sister in law — was back in our hometown, having missed the trip because she had to work. Yes, this woman on the dance floor kissing my brother was indeed random, and I didn't know quite what to think about the whole situation.

I stormed up to him and yelled, "What are you doing?!" Anyone who didn't know the situation would have thought I was his wife with how enraged I was. My friends didn't understand why I was so angry. After all, boys will be boys, right?

This was way more than my brother cheating on his wife, although that did indeed tick me off. What really freaked me out was that I was about three months away from getting married, and the guy who I thought was a great example to all other men was shattering my illusions right before my very eyes.

I yanked him off the dance floor and demanded, "Tell me now...is this what all guys do?" He replied with, "Yeah, every guy does this." It wasn't until I burst into tears that he hurried to add, "Well, not guys like your fiancé. He's different. I can tell."

He was trying really hard to placate me.

My parents were always very affectionate when I was growing up. It was almost embarrassing how much they hugged and smooched each other, but there was something cool about it because it was obvious that they really loved each other and enjoyed being around one another.

My husband and I used to be pretty affectionate — after all, that's what I grew up with so it seemed natural — but the worse the issues in our marriage became, the less affectionate we became. You would be hard pressed to see us holding hands or embracing each other for longer than a standard, "Hi, welcome home from work" hug. We're so distant from each other that showing affection seems weird. Sometimes, I just don't want him to touch me.

What is this conveying to my kids? I know people say that a separation would damage my kids, but what potential damage are we doing by staying together?

We don't scream at each other, but we don't portray a married couple who necessarily enjoys being around each other. I don't want my kids to get the impression that this is what a marriage is supposed to be like. I know that the example my husband and I set right now will have a lasting impression on our kids forever. I'm really trying to not screw this all up.

I owe some of you a big thank you. Sometimes when I post things here I do it because I'm not quite sure what to make of a situation, but sometimes I post things just because I think the situation is interesting.

Once in a while there is a comment or two that really makes me stop and think, "Hey, why didn't I think of that?"

A while ago I wrote about my therapist, and how he had issues with my husband and me getting marital counseling through our pastor. You might remember that my therapist was concerned that my pastor and I might have the potential to allow our relationship to evolve into something inappropriate, even though nothing inappropriate has ever happened nor has there ever been so much as a hint or inappropriateness.

I guess I figured the therapist must have seen something in me that I didn't see in myself, so I just took his word and really believed it. It wasn't until I wrote about this situation and the comments started rolling in that I started to realize that maybe my therapist was thinking more about himself than about me.

Maybe he was threatened by the thought that he might lose us as clients, or maybe he's just not a very good therapist. Either way, it was you all who opened my eyes that I might be getting manipulated.

I'm in a weird position. I'm trying so hard to fix everything that I probably would dance through fiery hoops if that's what my therapist said would help my marriage How in the world did I get so needy?

I have an appointment with a new therapist — a female therapist — later next week. If she tries to manipulate me, I think I'm done with therapy.

My husband is thinking about taking a job overseas for a year. His boss wants to send him to a place that would not be feasible for the family to follow and besides that, anyone who has been paying attention to the news lately knows that it's really not the best time to try to sell a house.

If he gets this position then he'll move overseas temporarily, with a vacation sometime in the middle to come back and spend about a month at home.

The kids will miss him like crazy if he goes, but in my husband's line of work if he doesn't go now he'll have to go eventually.

We both figure that if he goes while the kids are as young as they are now then it won't be as traumatic. We figure our son may not even remember him ever being gone when he gets older.

What a pickle. We've both been trying to work on our marriage, but if he goes away then everything will go on pause. We won't have anything figured out, and it will be a weird sort of pseudo-separation where we're still married but we're not living together.

I can't decide whether that will be a good thing or a bad thing. I'll admit that the thought of living without him for a year is pretty appealing, just because I won't have to deal with him. On the other hand, if he isn't here and present then how can we ever get everything figured out one way or another?

Maybe the time away will reveal that we're better off apart than we are together, or maybe we'll pine over each other like mad and decide that the marriage is worth saving. I don't know. Either way, if he gets this position things are bound to get interesting.

A few months ago I read a Newsweek article written by a woman who was in the middle of a divorce. She and her husband had both come to the realization that the marriage wasn't going to work, so while they still remained friends they knew that divorce was inevitable.

Instead of splitting up the household goods, working out a custody arrangement for the kids, and then going their separate ways, they still lived together in the same house they bought as a married couple. They had separate bedrooms, but they still maintained the home concurrently. The kids knew the parents were divorcing at that eventually they would be split up into two households, but until the house sells they'll all stay together under one roof.

I remember thinking to myself as I read the article, "Is this feasible? Can two people who are divorcing share a house and not be freaked out the whole time?" I figured it must be an exceptional situation, and didn't give it much more thought until a friend recently told me about her neighbor who is doing the exact same thing. Apparently they're afraid to put the house on the market because of the current real estate environment, so they've set up separate bedrooms and they've already filed the divorce paperwork.

Does anyone else think this is weird?

If I filed for divorce I would not want to live in the same house as my husband. Maybe it's different for me because my husband absolutely does not want a divorce, so it would be weird to live with him and deal with the whole, "Are you sure you want to do this? Can't we work it out? How could you do this to me?" thing that I would probably get from him every single day. Not being able to be physically away from him would be bizarre, considering the circumstances.

I did something last night that I never thought I would do: I "came out" to my friends about the problems my husband and I have been dealing with.

I was out to dinner with four other ladies and the subject of my husband's potential business trip came up. One of the women asked if I would be sad about him leaving again, and it all just came spurting out.

Some things happened that I expected would happen:

-They were all pretty much stunned.

-They wanted to talk about the subject way beyond what I wanted to talk about.

-They all told me they were on my side, which although comforting in a way, I don't want people having to choose sides between me and my husband. It's weird.

There were also some interesting things that happened that I wasn't really expecting:

-My friend sitting next to me didn't say a word, but just put her hand on mine and squeezed. Without a word it was an amazing display of encouragement and sympathy.

-One friend, without being asked, immediately assured me that her parents' divorce when she was young did not adversely affect her. She said that if anything, she's glad her parents divorced because she can tell now as an adult that they aren't compatible and it would have been tough growing up like that.

-Nobody tried to talk me out of leaving my husband.

-Nobody gave me the whole, "...but you guys are so good together!" spiel that I was dreading.

Believe it or not, it was one of the most intimidating things I have ever done. I felt so vulnerable, and I was really afraid that these women would have no way of understanding what I was going through. Although they are all in seemingly great marriages, they all did a fantastic job of not making me feel like an outsider because of my marital issues.

Apparently I attract a lot of men.

I don't mean in everyday life, although I might make the claim that I clean up pretty nicely for the most part. What I mean is that I've noticed that men seem to like to read my blog and then freak out about the things I say.

I don't know what makes me so appealing to these guys/this guy, but it probably has to do with the fact that I'm not yet divorced and am open to write about nearly anything. Maybe my critics think they can change my mind.

One thing I've noticed, and which I just really have to comment on, is that one commenter in particular really seems to project his own marital issues onto me. When I say "project," I mean that he was hurt by his wife/ex-wife in a certain way and for one reason or another he sees the same thing in me.

I'm just assuming, of course, but I think that when he types out his angry tirades that he is actually typing to his wife. It may be subconscious, but I would bet you anything that after he comments on my blogs he gets a real feeling of satisfaction.

Hey, mess with a blogger who has a degree in psychology and you're going to get an analysis. Sorry.

So to my dear male critic, I need to clarify a few things. I'm not your wife/ex-wife. She and I are two completely different women. I know that you think she didn't do enough, and that you had to carry the burden of everything. I know you resented her staying home while you went to work. Maybe that arrangement was indeed off-kilter for the two of you, and maybe it proved to be the downfall of your marriage. I sympathize that you had to go through that, and I have no doubt that at one time you were completely in love with her. It's tough to watch love dissolve, isn't it?

I went ahead and answered the question as best as I could. I told her that sometimes parents don't stay together, and if they marry someone else then the new person becomes a step parent to the kids. She didn't quite get what I was saying — probably because all she has ever known are two parents who stay together and never speak about separation in front of the kids — so I approached it from a different angle. 

I told her this: "If mommy and daddy decided they didn't want to be married anymore, and then mommy eventually married another man, that man would be your stepdad." This seemed to clear it up for her, but I looked over at my husband and realized that I had just painted a picture of one of his biggest fears. Before I could say anything else, my horrified husband said to my daughter loudly, "...but that's not going to ever happen, sweetie, so don't you worry about it."  

I think this wins for most awkward conversation I've had in a while. 

The thing that really amazed me was that my daughter didn't seem particularly alarmed by the whole concept. I'm not naive enough to think that she could care less if we stay together or not, but it was certainly a surprise that she was so easily able to accept the fact that sometimes parents just don't stay together. I guess that sometimes I don't give my daughter enough credit for how smart she is.

The other day was a doozy. The kids were both stir-crazy because of the rain, and when they get stir-crazy they get awfully clingy and needy. I had three deadlines looming and I had to go to a meeting. The house was a mess and I couldn't figure out a time to go grocery shopping even though the pantry was pretty much bare.

All in all, it was the kind of day where I felt stretched to the limit and although I wanted nothing more than to curl into bed and hide from the world it just wasn't an option.

Too many obligations, and not enough of me to go around.

After the kids were in bed I sat down to punch out the work that I had to do. I figured if I worked for two hours straight I could get to bed before midnight, then the next day I could try to tackle the housework and maybe get to the grocery store if everything worked out.

I had been working for a few minutes when my husband stopped flipping through the television channels and looked over at me. "I need to talk to you about something," he said, and then proceeded to tell me that I wasn't paying enough attention to him.

Now that's bad timing.

I was already on edge because I was trying to deal with so much at once. Sometimes it gets overwhelming: kids, work, keeping up the house...I understand that when I have so much to deal with my husband's need for attention might take a back seat. There are just some times when I have to get stuff done and I don't have the time to fawn over him.

That either makes me a realist, or it makes me incredibly insensitive to my husband's needs. Or maybe I'm an insensitive realist.

I work hard. It would be great to end an evening with my husband saying something along the lines of, "I know you've been stretched thin lately. What can I do to help?" instead of, "Pay more attention to me."

I'm beginning to realize that this state of limbo just isn't going to work.

A while back I decided to just disregard the feelings I had about leaving, and to push it all aside and just go on like everything is fine. You know what? Everything isn't fine. It hasn't been fine for a long time, and it's not something that I can just decide to switch on and off.

The fact remains that something has to be done. A decision has to be made soon.

How did I figure this out? I was sitting on the couch, working on my laptop while my husband was watching TV. There was one of the Lord of the Rings movies on — I'm sure don't know which one it was because that's not really my cup of tea — and I glanced up just in time to see a scene where one of the guys returns home to his kids who leap into his arms and his wife who smiles, embraces him, and gives him a loving kiss.

It hit me like a ton of bricks: Married couples should be happy. I should want to kiss my husband when he comes home. I should smile when I see him walking toward me. I'm not saying that everything should be sunshine and roses 100% of the time, but how much longer can I wander around in the fog of "marital issues?"

When I saw that scene on the TV and had that reaction, I almost stood up and announced that I was packing my bags.

I'm trying to be practical about all this. I'm trying to give this situation as much effort as I can. I'm going to therapy. I'm trying to be a good wife. For goodness sake, we just booked a vacation for this summer!

I'm doing everything I can think of, and I have been doing it for months. I'm exhausted, and I'm starting to freak out a little.