Keep The Fight, Lose The Struggle

You might say I have a passion for divorce, all aspects of divorce. This peculiar passion took root while I was going through my own divorce.

I went into the process with my ears backed and determined to protect myself emotionally and financially. Little did I know that it was going to take more than backed ears and determination to survive what the divorce process had in store for this girl!

My divorce became final in 1999; I had been married 14 years. The word "final" took on an entirely new meaning when it came to my divorce.

I recall being excited over the terms of the divorce agreement only to have an elderly neighbor inform me that it was nothing but a "promise on a piece of paper." As he burst my bubble, he explained to me that my divorce decree was only of value to me if my former husband held up his end of the agreement.

Guess what? He was right! I've spent the last seven years fighting for what I felt was legally and rightfully mine. It was mine, according to the promise I had on that piece of paper, or so I thought. A piece of paper signed by a judge and stamped with the court clerk's seal. A piece of paper that ended up being worthless legally, but invaluable when it came to teaching me what is truly important in life — that one should continue the fight, but let go of the struggle.

When a woman finds herself in a situation like mine, it's important that she knows she can fight without struggling. It's the struggle, not the fight that causes a person to feel extreme stress and pressure. My passion for divorce, and the desire to help others get through the divorce process without struggling, is why I became a divorce coach, legal investigator and a divorce mediator.

It's also how I became a blogger for First Wives World. In my opinion, blogging will become a powerful tool for any kind of social change. When it comes to divorce, surviving it and living full and rewarding lives after it, women will seize any opportunity they can to express themselves on the subject. Never let it be said that I'm a woman who doesn't know how and when to seize an opportunity!

I'm happy to be blogging for First Wives World.

Cathy Meyer is the head of About.com's Divorce Support channel. To hear more from Cathy, go to: http://divorcesupport.about.com/