That's Why I'm Still Single

Let's face it: Men do a lot of stupid things. Every once-in-a-while, though, they do something that just screams out: "Never, never, never get involved with another man so long as you live."

Today, I've collected the top then things men have been known to do that remind me that I'm just fine without one around the house.

1. Invite me to your house, give me driving directions, and when I call you an hour later because I'm still lost, put me on hold to answer another call.
2. While at a restaurant with me, flirt shamelessly with the female waitress and ask her if she's single.
3. While at a restaurant with me, flirt shamelessly with the male waiter and ask him if he's single.
4. On our second date, I excuse myself to use your powder room. I come back and find you butt-ass naked on the couch.
5. When we pull into a gas station, you look over at me and ask if I would mind pumping the gas you don't want to get your hands dirty
6. After being gone for a week, the first people you call are your guy friends. You go out with them that night, get drunk, and call me at 2AM for some late night fun.
7. Wake up in the morning and try to kiss me without brushing your teeth first
8. After sex, get up, clean yourself off, throw me a cold washcloth, and say "Have at it."
9. On Valentine's Day, buy me a dozen roses. Then tell me you forgot to get your mother something, and would I mind if you gave them to her.
10. Upon seeing me naked for the first time, ask if a tan would help make the cellulite on my legs less noticeable.