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My heart pounding in my chest, I heard John answer the phone. Realizing that there was no delicate way to bring up the subject, I decided that it was best to just ask: Did he use protection, and was there any way this girl he was cheating with was pregnant?
I told him I was asking because he wouldn't break off the fling, despite insisting he didn't have strong feelings for her. It just didn't make sense to me.
He swore that he used protection, and that she was not pregnant — not that his word meant much. I interrogated him, but he insisted that was not the situation, so I just had to take his word.
It's been nearly a year since that conversation, and I have no reason to believe that John wasn't telling the truth — about that at least.
What stands out, though, is how I felt that day. The thought that my husband could have gotten someone else pregnant was terrible — it felt as though my life was on the brink of crumbling. In some ways, it was more painful than simply knowing he had been unfaithful.
I was lucky and wasn't dealt those cards, but I will never forget what a horrific feeling it was. It was a feeling I hope I never, ever have to experience again.
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Happened to me, too
The woman my husband had an affair with claimed that she was pregnant but strung him along for a week before he forced her to take the test. He believed her at first (the night he told of the possibility was one of the most painful parts of the experience), and then realized that she was lying the whole time. Talk about about an awful experience.
So, why is it that men who cheat, who know that the women they are with are crazy (in their own words) and they say they do not have "strong" feelings for them still go back to them. And us loving, intelligent, and interesting women are treated as if we are too much to handle? One of my favorite (yeah, right!) things he said was that I ask too many questions and think too big. What the hell do those things mean? Those statements were some of the most painful experiences of all. I am working those through in talk and EMDR therapy as I will not be able to move on to my next relationship feeling ashamed because I relish in enjoying my light!