Topical for me as I decided to go on a bit of a diet today after stubbornly refusing to do so for years. I have one of those bodies that is very prone to weight gain. I dieted for about 30 years. I was always in the process of losing weight -- or gaining it.. I became a life time member of Weight Watchesrs several times (when I rejoined I was always too embarassed to say I was bigger than the last time I had joined.) Finally I said I was just not going to diet anymore. My weight gradually climbed. When my husband left he cited my weight as being a factor. This made me more stubborn. I was not going to have anyone force me to diet. After the separation the speed of my weight gain accelerated. All I enjoyed was eating and watching t.v. I tried developing new interests and felt that this would stop the weight gain. I knitted non stop for two years. I joined various on line groups and emailed and posted constantly. I became a movie fanatic. Finally I went back to school to take a masters degree part time. This actually increased the weight gain. Studying is not easy when one has been out of school for 30 years. Eating helps. I am sort of proud of my self for keeping it up for two years and completing it is within sight. But the weight gain has continued. I am a lawyer and an idiot judge said on Thursday when I walked up. Look at you you look so >Dicksinian.`` I didn`t even know what it meant. I thought it meant relating to Dickens. However it apparently means to be very aggressive and angry. My droopy and aging face along with my obesity does make me look a bit imposing. Opposing parties have told my clients I look like a Mack truck. How childish can one get, making fun of the apperance of the opposing party``s lawyer. Once in court as we were waiting for the judge to come in to deal with a number of motions and there were too many lawyers to fit at the table, i said I am taking up too much room here... meaning my papers which I intended to gather to let another lawyer. The sisters and new girlfriend of the husband of my client broke into loud dramatic guffaws. I asked the judge to have them leave but he refused. Anyway the fact that this week`s judge felt so completely free to comment on my appearance suggests that this is affecting my work. I find it affected me for the rest of the day and the next in that I had trouble concentrating and felt very defensive. I have decided to try to lose thirty pounds in the remainder of this year. But I still think focusing on weight loss will be bad for me so I propose to focus on just improving my diet first before restricting calories. Who knows maybe I will be lucky enough that just eating better will cause some weight loss. Step one is to make sure I drink eight glasses of water a day. It is supposed to be good for one and if I make a point of drinking that much water, I am thinking I will probably drink less of things that might have calories-- althought I don`t actually drink a lot of calories as I live mainly on diet coke But I think that causes me to retain fluid which of course makes me look bigger. But I must admit I still resent that I have to diet. But hopefully there will be some payback in terms of clothes fitting better, or more energy or positive attention or something that will make it worthwhile. Wish me luck. Or will power or what ever it is going to take.