Since the divorce, Stinky likes to make a trip once a year up here to show his gracious generosity by using his credit card to purchase socks, underwear, shoes, and school supplies for his son and daughter. He will not pay one red cent in child support throughout the year, but in August he gets to come up here and play hero for the day. Last year, I did something I never thought I would do - I took advantage of his credit at a major department store. See, since he was with me, but hated to shop, we just filled out the credit card form right then and there and the lovely clerk gave me a slip of paper to use until his card arrived in the mail.

Did I mention that Stinky is a little on the ignorant side? I think he just doesn't care enough to pay attention sometimes. If it isn't something he is interested in, he ignores it. Shopping is one of those things.

The following week, and after he'd left town, my daughter had decided she didn't exactly like a particular outfit and Joseph still did not have his much-needed shoes. So, I did the unthinkable, but, trust me, I did a whole lot of thinking before I promptly marched myself up to the department store and exchanged the one outfit for three more, bought my son's shoes and a couple of more shirts and bought myself a few things, too, using that little slip of paper. After all, the last name on the card was "Woodard," and I still use that as my legal name (for the kids' sake).

Did I break the law? I don't know. You tell me. If a man does not pay his child support for three years, is he breaking the law? I know, I know; two wrongs do not make a right, but as I said, sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Stinky blew a gasket when he got the bill, and he threatened to file charges. I told him to go right ahead, and when we were in front of a Tennessee judge, after I would be ordered to reimburse him for the charges and pay a fine, the judge would be asking him to cough up the three and a half years of back child support he owed. He never did file charges. Hmmm. Wonder why?