My feelings are similar to yours. My emotions are all over the place. The endless emotional torture seems to never fade away … and every once in a while, when I get lucky and get a chance to breath and try so hard to be in a up mood, bam ... something else comes about to bring me right back down to a place that I have the hardest time dealing with. The one positive thing I found out during the course of divorce, (even though I’m in divorce limbo right now) ... I found out that it's not the man I'm mourning, it's the marriage. The till death do we part ... the growing old together ... but not the man, and I'm delighted because I had lost so much respect and love for him these past few years, and couldn't comprehend why I am so unhappy. Why I’m crying all the time. It's not my persona. What I have a hard time doing right now is moving forward. I for some reason cannot see a bright future for myself ... perhaps it’s because I can't find a JOB ... a job that pays enough to be able to stand on my own two feet. Just wanted you to know you’re not alone. I 'm definitely feeling the same way as you these days.

Wow! What incredible insight and maturity you and Ahmed are both using to navigate your situation. Wanting someone to be the most self-fulfilled and self-expressed person that God created them to be is incredibly loving. Blessings to you both on your journey in life.