In my ongoing quest to spend a month happily living solo, I decided to spring for some fresh, fanciful fare.

I've just finished reading French Women Don't Get Fat. It seems the French drink a lot of champagne and that, somehow, ingesting quality ingredients keeps their women from over eating.

I scored beautiful local goat cheese at the Hastings Farmers Market and picked up a lovely pink Brut for under $40.

I don't usually drink alcohol while I'm alone, but I'm in survival mode and the kids don't get back until after Labor Day.

Popping the cork and pouring the Brut into a pink marabou martini glass, purchased at the TJ Maxx bargain rack, life seems sort of okay for the moment.

This was not a reward for spending a month in isolation. I don't need a reward, because I know that a workshop or trip to the Omega Institute is coming up.

However, I'm convinced that every night I spend alone is going to help me be a stronger person.

Admittedly, as I'm having these thoughts, there is a strong craving for a Valium or something else that will make me feel numb.

I used to feel desperate if I didn't have a man in my life. I still feel desperate, but when I compare the relative peace of my little blue house in Hastings to my married life in the mansion, with my over-the-top, angry ex-spouse, I'm satisfied with my decision.

But when I think of the things I gave up to be a hermit, I want to cry. Family and friends from the last 20 years are gathering on Fire Island this month to swim, laugh, and sail together.

Flirting with single guys, and sometimes even the husbands of my friends, chatting with the hunky lifeguards, and making the rounds to Saltaire, Fair Harbor, and Kismet were all part of my married life.

Feeling popular, rich, and loved seemed ingredients for a perfect life. But they're not.

There is something even more important and it has to do with keeping your own company in quiet moments. It has to do with having integrity and peace of mind. Feeling that you can live and die with yourself, and yourself alone.

The vestiges of my "old" life came at a price I couldn't manage anymore.

I poured another glass and nibbled the goat cheese while gazing out the window at my overgrown lawn — the lawn I now have to mow — and thinking it might be time to call my old therapist.

I should mention a few facts: I underwent a major illness at age 37, and almost didn't survive. The illness went on for nearly 10 years.

That forced me to examine pretty much everything I took for granted and assumed was important.

In my married life, I led a glamorous existence. On the surface everything seemed fine. Beautiful husband. Beautiful house. Beautiful kids.

It seemed perfect.

But, obviously it wasn't perfect or I'd still be married. Being single takes more guts than I knew I had. Spending time alone takes even more guts.

Slipping the remaining third of the bottle of Champagne into the door of the refrigerator — you know, if you leave it uncorked in the fridge it will stay bubbly for a couple of days — I stumbled upstairs to bed with a slightly warm feeling in my tummy. It wasn't exactly a satisfied feeling, but it wasn't a belly ache either.

Hey, I made it through another day!