Karen Morath's blog

As a single mother of three, the question I get asked more than any other is of the rhetorical variety.

"What's that like? Busy?"

And the answer, of course, is "of course." Yes, busy — if not a gross understatement — describes it well.

Some single mothers look forward to "sleeping together" opportunities. I look forward to plain old sleeping opportunities.

I plan weekends away — with or without my children — so I can sleep, undistracted by the need to wash clothes, dishes, and floors.

I cross out mornings in my diary three weeks ahead for Sundays when my children will be at their Dad's, and the sporting commitments, breakfasting duties, and the various items to be washed fall on someone else's shoulders and I can sleep. And sleep. And sleep some more.

The recharge that sleep gives me — and I think nothing of a 14 hour investment in the sleep bank — makes the busyness of the rest of my life more achievable, most of the time.

Most nights I get five or six hours sleep — I work long into the night and get up early to get my kids to school and myself into daytime work mode. I need eight or nine hours. The toll is becoming observable at 20 paces.  read more »

My friend knocked at my door a while back. She was in tears, and when she had drunk half a glass of wine, she was calm enough to tell me that her husband had left her.

I was shocked. These guys were a part of the married elite. Four kids, still madly in love after about forever together. I wasn't buying it.

She went on to tell me her quickly patched together plans for her life as a single mother. Her business was starting to take off, so she would be okay for money. There was the house to sell and that would work out. She could buy food in bulk and freeze meals and that would help with running the family.

Through her sobbing, she sounded almost dedicated to the cause. I got the impression that being divorced and a single mother was what she wanted to be when she grew up.

I was puzzled by this and asked her what she thought she was thinking. She told me that she had been watching me "do it all" for a couple of years and she thought she could do it too. I was horrified. I do not want to be the poster girl for divorce.

She calmed down a little – even talking about being a single mother is tiring. We talked about some of the realities of divorce, that it is the path forward only when all other options have been exhausted. Divorce is not about a choice. It is about no other choice left.  read more »

I am no Martha Stewart. There are plenty of witnesses. Even before my divorce, housekeeping was not my life.

In my defense, especially since my divorce, I'm busy and have made a conscious decision to focus on doing the things that make a difference.

Things like making sure my kids have clean, ironed clothes to wear. That there is food in the fridge. That their mother knows what day it is — most of the time.

That means lots of things don't get done. Long ago, I decided not only something had to give, but lots of things had to. Dinner parties don't achieve anything we need. Attending school information nights would mean doing laundry at midnight. Baking cakes would just mean more washing up to do. Gone, gone, gone.

I heard myself flippantly saying the other day that I hadn't made a cake this century. Cute joke, huh? Not really. The words just kept spinning in my mind. How could I have not made my kids a cake in seven years?

So, a magnificent chocolate cake was produced. Well, an okay cake, with really great chocolate icing. But, Martha comparisons aside, make a cake for your kids once every seven years and everyone's happy.

I hardly noticed that there was more washing up to do.

I was at the home of my daughter’s friend last week, talking to her parents, who had just come home from an amazing three-month trip to Europe with their three children.

I was jealous, of course. Travel is one of the things I care about more than anything else, and we started trading travel stories. It is probably more true to say that I was lobbing my own travel stories in a desperate bid to somehow feel closer to the experiences they had just had.

I was saying where we had been and where we plan to go next and thinking out loud how I would get my children to Europe while they’re still children. The other woman acknowledged their good fortune, but it wasn’t long before the talk led to domestic matters. Their need for some home renovations came up and she said that with the trip behind them, that would be their next project.

Again I was jealous, as I fleetingly imagined the delights of a dishwasher and a bath big enough to luxuriate in. My plans, I had to admit, put airline tickets way ahead of household niceties.

The man said I was talking his language. His wife said he was bitten with the travel bug but they had enjoyed a great trip and it was time now for other priorities.

I could only think that one of the great things about being single is there is no one to negotiate with.

I am a big fan of marking special occasions.

There is an irony in that I am marking six years of life as a single parent with getting a job writing about divorce. Something about that makes me smile.

Sure, it's probably not the six years of single parenting that makes me smile - well not all the time anyway. It's the fact that I have the chance to voice my thoughts and feelings about life after divorce.

My approach is "get on with it," but sometimes I have to consciously put myself in gear to live the way I want to.

With three kids at three different schools and a job, business, house and a car to run, sometimes the best thing I can do is acknowledge it's hard, take some breathing space, then get on with it.

I read the other day that there are 40 million divorced women in America. That's twice the population of Australia - where I live - and a force to be reckoned with.

Any reminder that we are not doing this alone empowers us. Those big numbers evidence we are not alone, but it is online communities like this one that make it really feel like it.

I'm glad to be part of this, and not for the reason my son pointed out when I announced my blogging gig: "Cool. You've found a way to make divorce pay."

Well hello!

I'm supposed to write what I want First Wives World readers to know about me. The request stumped my usual decisiveness — I'm not sure exactly what I want you to know about me!

A couple of song titles serve as great ice breakers. I am woman. I will survive.

I was a first wife, so I feel comfortable in this world. I have been separated, now divorced, for six years. I was married for almost eleven years.

Some fantastic things came out of my marriage. My sons are 15 and 10, and my daughter is 13. They all live with me. Life is full to overflowing, and I am truly happy with my life as a single mother.

That doesn't mean I think it's easy, because it certainly isn't. I work more than one job so that we can live the best possible life, and am responsible for every facet of my life and my children's. It's exhausting. But I am woman, and I will survive.

I'm Australian — I live in Melbourne. Hopefully there will be perspective I can offer that demonstrates what first wives have in common, wherever we live.

I am not sure that I will ever be a second wife. Although I am very clearly single, I don't describe or define myself as such. I'm a single parent, sure, but live such a full life that the absence of a partner is irrelevant to me.  read more »