Jake spent so much time out of the country, and for such long stretches of time, that my world, when married, was split in half: my life when he was home, and my life when he wasn't.

It was one of the things I least liked about our relationship. I didn't like that the pieces of my life didn't mesh, that we didn't share any friends, that he was so separate from the other things that were important to me. 

I worried that this dual existence couldn't possibly be sustained. And, of course, it couldn't.

Now I'm in a position where I'm trying to find that: I want my relationship life to be a part of the rest of my life, but, at the same time, I don't want to lose the life that's just me. How do I balance these things?

Living together this summer made finding balance difficult for the first time. Normally, when Mike and I see each other, we stay at each other's apartments — but it's for maybe a week at a time.

Suddenly, there was no looming deadline. And suddenly, I was confused. I wanted to see him. I wanted to see my friends. I wanted to see my friends on my own, but I also with him. I wanted to spend time alone, but didn't want to lose time with him.  I didn't know when and how to fit all these pieces together.

And because I didn't even realize this was what I was struggling with, it just meant that I was a pathetic sniveling mess a good deal of the time, without being able to offer an explanation.

Now I know, though. It's likely that I'll be moving to New York next year, and living together when I do is a bad idea, for now.

Yes, it's nice, when we're both busy, to have at least that 10 minutes in the morning, but having my own space is still too important to me to give up.  Figuring out how to merge these two lives a little at a time is something we both need.