So, I tell him and my stepmother that this previously-unnamed-thing with Long Distance Boy is official. This is greeted with enthusiasm by my stepmother — who has liked him since I told her he had a cat — and dead silence by my father. This is his version of enthusiasm.

I send them some pictures, and call the next day. My dad wasn't home. My conversation with my stepmom was one of the more disturbing I've had in my life.

Jean: So, I got the pictures of Mike! I like his cat!

Me: Yeah, I took that one for you.

Jean: He's cute.

Me: It's a she — girl cat.

Jean: No, no, I mean Mike. He's very cute. And sexy!

Me: Ack! Jean! Don't say that!

Jean: What, you don't think he's sexy? Of course you do, he's your boyfriend. He's very sexy!

Me: This is not something I want to hear from my parents. Seriously.

Jean: C'mon, you sent the pictures. He's a sexy guy!

Me: Ok, you're really going to have to stop saying that. It's kind of freaking me out.

Jean: Oh, don't be such a prude.

When I worried about the changes divorce might bring and what new obstacles I would have to overcome, discussing the sexiness of a new boyfriend with my parents is not one that I anticipated.