Divorce Goes Digital

It's no secret that the digital age has led to the emergence of many tools that can help you prove your spouse is cheating — cell phone and e-mail records, GPS units, computer tracking software — the list goes on.

We've written here recently about states that allow the use of E-Z Pass data in divorce cases.

But is the information you get always admissible in court? And how do you navigate the moral-ethical questions that come along with using these digital tools? The New York Times ran a thought-provoking piece on these questions over the weekend. I love technology, so this was a particularly interesting read for me.

The legal landscape on using e-mail and cell phone records is complex. But divorce lawyers quoted in the piece say many of their cases now involve such information. Generally, if a computer is used by the whole family, or spouses have shared their passwords with each other, these records can be used in court.

It's the ethical questions that are far more difficult to navigate. The Times story quoted several people who expressed misgivings about having electronically spied on their spouses. One man installed a program on his wife's computer that took a snapshot of her screen every 15 seconds and e-mailed him the image, so he could see what she was doing. He caught her having an affair.

I don't have much sympathy for cheaters. To me, that's a line you're either capable of crossing or you're not. There's no gray area. But what happens if you spy on your spouse and find nothing? That means you've crossed a line too — one of trust. I'm all for technology, but I do fear the slippery slope that rises when we're all spying on one another. It's a Pandora's Box. There's no going back.

But this doesn't really have to turn into an esoteric ethical debate. If you're compelled to spy on your spouse, your marriage has serious problems, regardless of whether you actually find anything. You don't need high-tech tools to tell you that.

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