Just Getting Through The Day

Feelings overwhelm me at times. I wake up, see my children's faces, and feel so overjoyed with happiness.

I have an engaging breakfast with them, filled with lots of hugs and conversation. When I drop them off for school, I give each of my boys a huge hug and kiss. I think this hug and kiss gets me through the day.

When school first started, I found myself overwhelmed with my feelings of sadness and remorse. I was genuinely upset that they had to start attending school, rather than be in my care and schooling at home.

I realize how essential school is for them, and my need to bring home a paycheck is absolutely crucial to us all. My feelings aren't wrong, they adapt as life changes for me and for "us," or what's left of it anyway.

I've been surprised at how sadness creeps up on me. I'll be working contently at my desk, and the warmth of my hugs start to dissipate and I become saddened. I have pictures of my children at my desk, obviously.

I miss the activities we were involved in. I try to replicate as much as is possible for us, but timing doesn't always adequately evolve to our new demands.

It's during these moments that I'm glad I'm surrounded by cubicle walls, where I can pull out a tissue and grieve. Tears are imminent. I don't hide them — they certainly don't bother me. I think sadness intimidates other people though, so I try to keep some disclosure — unless I'm with my friends. Then, I pour out as necessary.