So, I'm pregnant again... For the fourth time.
There are so many things which this
means, and I'm sure I should be concerned about most of them. I mean,
I'm going to have to give yet another kid glasses. Dental care. Likely
braces, when it comes to that. We'll have to move to a bigger place,
start another education fund, buy another car seat. These are all really
important things, but at the moment I just can't bring myself to care.
The thing I care about is sex. It seems
like only a few months ago that life became calm enough again that I
could start having sex with my partner on a semi-regular basis. Now
I am pregnant, and sex will, once again, go to shit.
I know you can have sex when you're pregnant. It just doesn't happen a whole lot in this house.
I am not a nice pregnant woman. I am bitchy and bloated. I retain water
everywhere from my ankles to my neck. I frequently threaten to stab
myself with pins, just to let the water out. I complain 23 hours of
the day. In the early months I'm too sick to shave my legs, and it
the later ones I couldn't reach them if I wanted to. I spend a disproportionate
amount of time vomiting. It's not exactly sexy.
Then, in around five or six months, there will be another person to look after, another person to breastfeed. There will be diapers and doctors' visits and somehow even less sleep than we're getting now. And the whole thing is going to go down the tubes, yet again.
When I am up, this is hilariously tragic. When I am down, I wonder when sex and pregnancy will stop running and subsequently ruining my life.
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Abortion is legal, y'know.