Falling in love with a woman is not a signal that you're a closet gay just discovering your sexuality. Generally, the situation is far more likely to be one where you fall in love with the emotions and romance. You can't just suddenly switch on the light and become a lesbian.

Trust me. I tried it.

When you separate from a partner, you're raw and hurting. You may be a little excited, too. You suddenly have all this newfound freedom. It's pretty damned easy to swivel around and think you've fallen in love with someone else - and the person just happens to be the wrong sex.

The problem is that you aren't falling in love with that person. You're falling in love with the feelings that you've been missing all those years. You crave affection, and hey, they just happen to be giving it to you.

My female friend and I were crazy in love. We had the love notes, the surprise presents, the long phone calls, everything. She was also across the country, which make falling in love that much easier.

So we arranged a visit to decide whether the attraction was real — or just two people being really lonely and confused.

For three days, we had a great time. We slept together, too, and the fact that it really wasn't very good and felt really strange was chalked up to inexperience. What did we know about gay sex? We cried a lot when she went home, and settled back into our routine.

Your body knows what you are way more than your brain does, though. Your brain goes and scrambles up everything you want and love and need and feel to create a very wrong answer about your self-definition.

The next trip she made ended up with both of us saying, "Yuck. What the hell are we doing?"

I had two bad relationships with men that broke my heart, and so what? That doesn't make me gay. It doesn't mean I'm built to be with a woman.

My friend and I ended up filling the void of affection we each had by being one step above close friends and one step below lovers. It works. Some relationships just aren't black and white.