"Try Match.com," my divorced friends suggested. I was skeptical. I had tried the original computer dating back in college — only for the story, mind you, not to find dates — and hadn't been much impressed — with the story I ultimately wrote or the dates. The ensuing decades had done nothing to change my mind.

Call me picky, but I just couldn't quiet my inner writer when reading the profiles. Is there anyone who doesn't like romantic dinners and walks on the beach at sunset? Besides, my computer was too slow. By the time I downloaded the pictures, the profiles had totally turned me off.

But nothing ventured, nothing gained, so I tiptoed into Internet dating and created a semi-profile on Match.com (Nerve.com creeped me out too much — their sexual position of the day feature gave me the sense that this wasn't the place to find my true soul mate). Besides, I wasn't really looking for a date...but I wouldn't complain if I happened to find one.

And I did get some hits almost immediately, which progressed in short order to phone calls. And what I heard wasn't good.

One man told me he agreed to meet a girl without seeing her picture first and it turned out she was more like size 14 (not four as she claimed to be) and after five minutes of conversation told him she felt comfortable enough to tell him her secrets such as"...tried to kill myself at college...twice." Next!

Another man shared that he had been intrigued with a woman's picture and email exchanges enough to want to meet her in person. But instead of the recent law graduate he was expecting, waiting for him at their designated meeting place, was her mother, hobbling in on a cane. "But I looked just like my daughter when I was her age," was her reasoning behind posting her daughter's picture rather than her own.

Really — people lie about their weight and age?

As I trolled along, my computer merrily announced that some potential suitor was trying to contact me. I eyed the screen name warily before I clicked — it was weirdly familiar.

As I waited for the picture to load, my daughter sidled up to me. Her eyes opened wide when she saw the image on my screen: "Why is Daddy's face on your computer?" she wondered. Why indeed.

Why would someone in a relationship where he was "happier than he's ever been in his life" be trolling for love online? And why would someone with a sizable stud muffin top be bragging about his physical shape? And (ick alert here) why would my clueless ex be bragging that he "knew what made women tick"? What makes them ticked off, yes.

And that would be telling me that finding me on the site was further proof that we were fated to be together. Well, just for the kids...nothing else.