Couples therapy stretches out before me like a never-ending road, barely undulating, ascending only the gentlest slopes, never turning corners that so desperately need to be turned. There is no question the road goes somewhere better than our present location...but only eventually.
Indeed, the question before me is one of time. Am I willing to invest a few good years — my fleeting youth — in building a better relationship with my troubled husband?
No doubt such an investment has the potential to pay off big. A couple that goes through hardship and works together to find a solution can come out the other side stronger than ever.
But do I want to sacrifice the open window of opportunities in the present for pay off so far down the road?
Today in therapy it was clear Rob is capable of making breakthroughs that will allow him insight and room to find new behaviors that will make him easier to live with. But the more progress he makes, I'm worried the bigger the expectation (on his part and our therapist's) that I should stick around for the pay off.
A kindler, gentler, better communicator of a husband would be great, but sticking around for it to come to fruition — in what? two or three years? — will be the tough part.
Today I'm confident about being here, doing the work with him. Tomorrow? If my track record is to believed, tomorrow will be another story entirely. I'm taking every day as it comes, and perhaps one day it will feel like time to make a decision one way or another. Not today.
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You will know when it's time
Ooooh yes!