How to say this without it coming out wrong.... Aside from the emotional chaos and inability to move forward, the hardest part of this limbo land I've created is single parenting with no break from my kids on their daddy days.

I know, plenty of you out there are true single moms. Full time, full on. I bow to you. I have no idea how you do it. It feels lame to whine here when Sam has them three to four nights a week.

But, obviously, I've come to whine, or I wouldn't have started this post.

I balance parenting and working (or, at least, attempting to work) five days a week. Because my work schedule is "flexible" and Sam's is not, Roxie and Lila are with me from Sunday night or Monday morning until Thursday evening. Sam has them Thursday night, but brings them back to me Friday morning before work and I take them to school. I get a few work hours Friday morning, and they're back with me all afternoon.

I know, many people have it harder. Many people can parent all day and pump out the work into the wee hours. Not me.

I require down time. Period. Lots of downtime. Without it, I can't function, and everything tumbles like dominoes.

I need balance. If I have my kids all the time half the week, I need a couple solid days of not being Mom. Not doing the bedtime routine, or waking to cries, coughs, and nightmares every other hour.

The half-in, half-out thing is not sustainable.

Here's my revelation of the week: We need to fully sever or move back into one place soon. Because until we do I'll be here, exhausted, in my tiny apartment trying simultaneously to work on my own goals and work as a family, and not doing either very well.