That seems to be what it's going to be for awhile. It sucks, to go to bat with someone who knows you so well. Someone you've shared your deepest self with, someone who really knows how to push your buttons.

Levi knows me better than most people know me. He knows how I feel about arguments, knows that usually I will avoid them at all costs. I'm the kind of person who can't deal with yelling. I don't know why, but whenever someone starts to raise their voice to me, I just shut down. I can't comprehend what they're saying; it's like I go into "safe" mode. Yelling scares me, so I try to avoid it. Which is why, I think, he's doing so much of it lately.

He also knows how much I love my son. My son, I've said, "is my heart walking around outside of my body." He knows that his threats of taking him away from me, stealing him away from me, are crushing to me.

He also knows that I am inherently a good person (why not toot my own horn here?) and will generally forgive quite easily. I honestly think that it's this knowledge that makes him feel so free to be so selfish. The knowledge that one day, I will probably forgive him, and then he gets what he wants. Levi is the kind of guy that always has his cake and eats it too.

He left me a message earlier. Today's threat was this: "If you continue to take me to court, and I'm ordered to pay, that's all I'll ever do. I'll only pay. I'll never have anything to do with him, EVER."

He's said this before, and it used to really upset me. It doesn't anymore. I've come to the conclusion that his relationship, or lack thereof, with Adrian, is up to him. It's not on me to facilitate that. Do you think I'm right?

I am stuck. I'm scared, stuck. I feel like one of the squirrels in the middle of the highway staring down a car, trying to figure out which way to go; only to remain there frozen with fear praying to God this giant machine doesn't run over me.

Yeah, Levi found out about court. That was fast.

He called me once, and I did answer. He screamed a slew of threats at me. Threats like, "I'm just going to take him from you" and, "You don't even know what you're getting into, you really f%%^ed up this time!"

I hung up on him.

Then his other ex wife (see "My Ex's (Invasive and Obnoxious) Ex"), starts sending me emails on the subject.

I'm not even going to pay any mind to her bullshit.

Then I got an email from Levi.

It goes like this:

"It didn't have to be this way. This time you will truly have no one to blame but yourself.

See you on the other side......."

I'm not really sure how to interpret that. He'll see me on the other side of what, exactly?

Again, I'm not responding.

This is usually the point where I back down, and now I'm remembering why. This is awful. The way these people treat me is totally inhumane, uncalled for and unforgivable. The way they treat my son is even worse.

So, I won't back down, today. I will take this one day at a time, and hopefully, I will see it through.

I went to family court a few days ago and filed a petition for child support. I think they recognize me now, and it's almost embarrassing at this point.  I keep thinking that they're thinking, 'Okay, is she really going to do it this time?'

I have an overwhelming urge to explain to them why it is that I keep backing out.  But I don't. I'm sure they don't care, and I'm sure they see this all the time.

The papers are easy. It's two pages of fill in the blanks: my name, his name, our addresses and Social Security numbers, Adrian's name and birthday, and that's it.

The last page is labeled "Court Information," and it asks pretty much the same questions as the prior two pages, except that it also asks, height, weight, eye and hair color.  I must admit that writing "bald" for Levi's hair color gave me a little laugh.

I just can't believe it's come down to this. I really can't. I mean, I know this sounds nuts, what with all of the other crap that he's pulled, but I somehow still can't get it into my head that Levi is this much of an asshole.

I still can't believe that he doesn't care. But his actions have proven it. This behavior that he's been exhibiting over the last two years is not the Levi that I know, or rather, knew.

This is not somebody I would have ever associated with. I still can't believe that this is the new Levi. I sometimes wonder what exactly is going on in that head of his.

In any case, the papers are filed. I'm more nervous now than I was when I was filing them. I'm sure that he'll receive them in the mail within the next few days, and then, once again, all hell will break loose. I'm going to try my best to be prepared and not to let it affect me this time. 

I am taking Levi back to court for child support. It's been quite awhile since I've talked about this, and truth be told, its been quite awhile since I've felt anywhere near strong enough to deal with this again.

Adrian is now a year and a half old, and Levi has paid practically nothing. I have to say practically nothing because he did send me that two hundred dollars, remember?

Not only has he not contributed financially, he hasn't bought Adrian anything. No clothes, no toys, diapers, car seats, cribs, NOTHING.

I was pursuing him for child support before, but I gave up when he and his family started, and continued, threatening me. Threats like, "I'm going to take him from you." Or, "I'll drag this out so long in court that it will make you crazy." Or, my personal favorite, "We're a very well connected family; keep it up, and you'll wind up in jail wishing you were dead." Right, umm..

Did I just step into an episode of the Sopranos? These people are crazy. I was still far too emotionally involved to realize that before. Now, though, that I'm a year and a half removed from the madness, I can see it for what it is.

The simple fact of the matter is this: I am right, and he (they) are wrong.

So, I'm going today to file the papers.

I know this isn't going to be easy. This isn't your classic run of the mill child support case. Levi makes a decent living, and his parents help him hide it.
He's driving a Land Rover, talking on a cell phone, sitting outside of a coffee shop, playing on his laptop — yet, he claims to be broke and homeless.

It's going to be my job, in court, to prove that he is not broke and homeless, that he does in fact make quite a bit of money, and that his parents are hiding it for him.

I'm nervous to get back into this, but I feel stronger than I did before.

I guess it's been a long time in coming, or maybe it hasn't been when compared to some others; but the divorce is finally under way. At one of my appointments with my therapist, he suggested doing the divorce myself. There are books available that include all of the instructions and forms, and this was really how The Dick wanted it to be — no attorneys, no arbitration, no trial.

So I told him about this book, and he bought it. When he came to town, we sat down and filled out all the forms. It wasn't too complicated, although there were several things to be filled out. There was the actual divorce paperwork; then the marital separation agreement and the child custody arrangement had to be completed. Since we had agreed on everything, these were fairly easy, as well.

Once everything was done, the papers had to be notarized and then filed with the court. As this is an uncontested divorce, it could be finalized in as little as 30 days. I expect it to take longer, but it was a hell of a lot cheaper than using an attorney, and we were able to do this together and remain amicable throughout the entire process.

In fact, after filing the papers at the courthouse, we actually went and had lunch, and while he was in town, he stayed at the house. He will always be part of my life, and I wouldn't want it any other way. But it does feel good to finally have some closure to the marriage.

I found a really interesting site on online divorce.

I found that you can simply fill in your information, obtain the appropriate forms for your specific state and you can then file with the court.

I wish I had known about this when I was going through my divorce paying huge fees to have these same forms done by an attorney. Several different sites offer this service.

If you're interested in something like this, you can do a search and find the one that interests you. The sites I found cost around $200 for the documents, which is far less than an attorney would charge these same forms to be filed. I wouldn't suggest this method if there is a custody or visitation issue involved, nor for the divorce with a large amount of assets involved.

However, in cases where the divorce isn't contested and each party agrees, online divorce could be a huge money-saver. In uncontested divorces, some cases are as simple as just filing and signing. Mine wasn't that simple, but I still feel we could have come to some resolution on our own and could have kept that money in our pocket, instead of the attorneys'.

I'm now curious to find a site that may allow me to file an amendment to my current decree. Or, to find a site that would allow for a custody change or other things that many of us in the post-divorce stage face. 

I don't know what my deal is, but I've been so emotional lately.

I have a hunch that I know what my problem is but I'm not certain. I am in the midst of going through a lot of financial crap from my divorce, and I'm nervous about how it will all play out. I believe this nervousness is what's been eating at me.

I often find myself holding back tears at the oddest moments — like when I'm walking to work.

My grandparents call from thousands of miles away to say "hi" and I'll get teary eyed when I hang up the phone, longing for the days when I was a carefree child playing on my grandparents' farm.

I haven't shed any tears since the spring when I was in the midst of my divorce. I thought my well had run dry. But now, this whole financial fiasco has brought them back to a degree.

I'm longing for the day when all of this is over. My new paper shredder is on standby, waiting for the day when I no longer need certain documents from my marriage. I just want to shred it all up and move on with my life!

In my search for the perfect lawyer, I came across a woman who gave me her very candid, open, honest advice and opinion. She's a very high-powered attorney — read: very expensive, so much so that I won't be able to afford her — so I listened very closely.

I was discussing filing for child support, explaining to her all of the crap that Levi has pulled, or has threatened to pull. She said she had seen this a thousand times before, knows exactly what kind of guy Levi is. She told me that although she agrees that I should pursue the child support that I should be prepared for what is going to come my way — Levi's retaliation.

Her exact words were, "File for support, and fully expect that he will file for sole custody — they do it all the time."

That's exactly what he's done. I was served with the papers two days ago. Even though I was half expecting it, I'm shocked.

How cruel can one man be? What is he even thinking?

His petition basically says that since he has more money than me, Adrian would be better off with him. He lists reasons such as private school, private baby sitters, better medical care and such. Although it was infuriating, it's probably a good thing. At least he finally admitted — legally and on paper — that he has money. So, along with "how cruel can one man be," how stupid can he get? I guess we'll find out.

Here's the latest in the James Brown estate saga. Earlier this month, Velma Warren Brown, the Godfather of Soul's first wife, claimed she was never divorced from him.

If that were true, all of his subsequent marriages would be nullified. According to the Associated Press and Augusta Chronicle, a 1969 divorce decree was discovered in court records, and she was the one who filed for divorce.

Even more mysterious is the mention in the handwritten 1969 divorce settlement of another child, Lisa Brown, who was five when the couple divorced in 1969. Brown, in his August 1, 2000 will, acknowledges six children, three from the first marriage and three out-of-wedlock children. No mention was made of Lisa.

Another snag in the estate battle is Brown's 2001 marriage to Tomi Rae Hynie and the couple's minor child, James Jr., aged seven. The adult Brown children maintain that this wasn't a legal marriage because Tomi Rae was still married to her first husband. In 2004 she got an annulment but didn't go through a second wedding ceremony with Brown.

The adult Brown children are attempting to upset the will which awarded them only the personal effects of the estate such as furniture, antiques, cars, boats and jewelry. After providing a trust for educating his grandchildren, James gave the bulk of his estate to a trust for the education of needy of South Carolina and Georgia.

The court has a challenging task to sort out the legal standing of those seeking a piece of the pie. I don't believe Velma can succeed in her claim. We know little about Lisa Brown but DNA could establish if she and James Brown Jr. are legal heirs not mentioned in the will.