For as many years as I can remember New Year's Eve has been an evening of excitement, good times, laughter, and anticipation for me. Ranging from small to large get-togethers with good friends to standing in Times Square, shivering and waiting for the ball to drop, it's always been a joy. I can remember that feeling of newness and starting fresh surging through me for weeks after New Year's Day.

This year however, was different. In all honesty, it just kind of snuck up on me. And, with Adrian's birthday, the anticipation and stress of Christmas, and the subsequent sigh of relief after it was all over, it's no wonder New Years wasn't doing much for me this year.

I had to work on New Year's Day, so going out the night before wasn't the most realistic of options anyway, but as it turns out, even if I had wanted to go out, babysitters charge a fortune on New Year's Eve.  It just wasn't worth it to me.

My best friend is also a single mom. "What are you doing New Year's Eve?" she asked me. "Nothing." I replied.

She wasn't doing anything either, so she invited us to her house for dinner and suggested that we could watch the ball drop on TV that night.

So, that's what we did. It was a windy, freezing cold night in New York on New Year's Eve. We went over to Rachel's house and had a fabulous dinner. Adrian played for a few hours and was the first to conk out around nine. Then Rachel and I then climbed into her comfy bed and popped in a Desperate Housewives DVD (I'm getting all of my friends hooked on that show) with plans to turn off the DVD and switch to the Times Square coverage a few minutes before midnight. We were both asleep before the first episode was over.

I slept, for a solid eleven hours for the first time since Adrian has been born. I awoke feeling rested in a way that I never thought I could feel again. A new, rested, ready-to-go me in time for the New Year.

I knew there would one day be a time where I would have to think about this: What would I say in my last posting to the FWW community? I have pondered this question often enough, to no avail. So true to the form of life itself, I am going to have to wing it.

I will say this: During the 14 months I have spent as an active voice among the community, I have spent a lot of time thinking about the conundrums of life. Sometimes, I feel as if I have spent too much time thinking — obsessing, if you will — about the snafus of life, instead of actually doing anything to change its course.

To this end, I must say that I am happy to be moving on, as this will give me an opportunity to take a more active role in my life — to be the captain of this vessel, as opposed to a mere crew member.

This is perhaps one of the most monumental points of my life, and I will allow nothing to get in the way of my future success: lingering unemployment, lack of my own private space, etc. None of these things will stand in the way of my future achievements, for they are not worthy.

And I advise you to do the same. Do not let anything stand in the way of being the stellar individuals you are capable of being. And should you find yourself falling short of your projected selves, take the time to look inward and find out what it is that is not allowing you to move forward. Once you've identified it, cut it loose and move on.

I promise, you will be better in the end.

And so I leave you now, with these words and my best wishes, as I go in search of my phenomenal self.

My best to you all,

Akillah