My baby is sick. He's been throwing up for days and today his doctor admitted him to the hospital with Rota virus, severe dehydration, and possible intestinal blockage.

The poor baby has been screaming in pain for hours and finally after getting IV fluids, a shot to stop the vomiting, and a good dose of Tylenol, he's managed to fall asleep for the first time in 48 hours.

As I write this, I am sitting in a very uncomfortable wooden rocking chair — the only chair in the room — looking at my son attached to an IV in a hospital crib.

I'm exhausted, and it's times like these when the reality of my situation really hits home for me. We are in this alone. I am a single mother in every sense of the word, and right now, that's a devastating fact to me. I guess I'm overtired because at the moment, everything is making me weepy.

I didn't plan this. I never wanted this. I never wanted to be this angry, overtired, overstressed, overbearing single mom. I never wanted to be this woman — never thought I could be this woman — but here I am.

I remember how naive I used to be, how naive I was when I met Levi. I remember thinking that from that point on, my life was going to be perfect. Thinking I had found my "prince charming", my soul mate, my other half. I remember how I thought that I would never feel alone again. I felt like I was complete.

I never saw this coming.

Sometimes I just want to scream. I want to kick myself for being so f***ing stupid. But I won't, because I've come to realize that feeling sorry for myself is just an exercise in futility that won't get me anywhere.
I know we'll get through this. I just hope it will get easier.