There's something about contemplating divorce that a lot of folks don't realize.

The fact is that — at least in my particular situation — my husband and I aren't at each other's throats and hurling insults at each other. One of us doesn't walk out of the room when the other one walks in. We can have a family outing and have a genuinely good time, laughing and joking with each other.  It's not like we're faking our merriment either...we're really having a good time.

That's what's so stinking confusing about the whole thing. The constant sense of underlying marital unease is once in a while tempered with bouts of compatibility. The problem is that the uneasiness never goes away.

It's because of these times that I get really confused and start thinking to myself, "Well, gee, why couldn't this work? If we can get along and enjoy each other in this moment in time, why not always?" The relationship is steady; it's sturdy; it's stable.

But the uneasiness never goes away.

There is always the feeling of, "What am I doing here? What am I waiting for? Is this really how marriage is supposed to be?" It's like walking through a really muddy path, and every so often there is a really pretty bush of colorful flowers that I can stop and admire.

I start to wonder if this muddy path is worth the trouble because of the occasional flower bushes I encounter because after all, the flowers are beautiful.  I just hate having to trudge through the mud the majority of the time in order to stumble upon these flowers.

Plus, there's the fact that the mud really never goes away, even when I'm admiring the flowers.