For a while there, being divorced defined me. I didn't do it or even let it happen on purpose, it just managed to sneak into everything I did.

When introducing myself, in both personal and professional situations, I would work the D-word in early. Not sure if it was me being my usual ‘tell you anything, no secrets' me or whether I wanted to deal with it early. Was I trying to avoid messy questions? Or was I pretending it was something I was proud of?

I used to squirm as I imagined people assuming I must not be very nice if someone divorced me or that I failed at marriage or that I imposed something ugly on my kids by putting my own needs ahead of theirs.

In actual fact, that wasn't just my imagination. People can be incredibly blunt, and I have been told all of the above. Still, I announced my divorced status to anyone who would listen. (How boring!) How stupid.

The thing is, I am thinking back as I write this. I have moved on and it has only just occurred to me. Now when I introduce myself, I define myself in terms of my work and tell almost everyone I have three children. (They're not boring.)

I feel liberated by this development, like a return to when I was married or engaged or dating and didn't feel the need to announce my relationship status to define me.

Divorced is not who I am. It never was. But for a while I let it be. (Big mistake.)