1. One acre of land...on the Moon. Seriously, look it up at Lunar Land Owner. This their selling point: "You can purchase land on the Moon. 100% legal and real! Moon property is: a great gift, potential prudent investment and an interesting conversation piece. Attractive gift pack." Attractive gift pack! Sold!

2. The Indecent Proposal Board Game. Made by Simply for Lovers, they say that "Money is accumulated by selling sexual favors to your opponent. It's the game where sexual fantasies are bought and sold." I'm not sure about you, but I really don't want to pretend I'm a prostitute for Valentine's day. Call me crazy.

3. Your faces on Adam and Eve Artwork. At My DaVinci they say, "Imagine your photo seamlessly transformed onto Adam and Eve by our professional artists! Also available in 27 other styles. Preview your artwork online. Free revisions. 100% satisfaction guaranteed. Free shipping."
Obviously, this would make a great conversation piece when you have dinner parties.

4. And now my personal favorite, Valentine's Day Toilet Paper. Just what I'm sure you always wanted from your sweetheart, right? This lovely gift is made by JustPaperRoses and they say, "Is there a better way to say "I Love You From Top To Bottom"?" Umm...what do you think?