Lucy Taylor's blog

I plan to declare my independence tomorrow. No better day than July 4th to start my self-reliance.  I’ve talked about it before in previous posts, but now I really want to own it.

I want to make myself perfectly clear to all the FWW readers: I never felt better than when I was working, earning my own living and in control of my life. I don't know about everyone else but depending on a man to dole out the dough to a first wife is not what I call freedom.

Yes, it’s great to receive financial support. It’s even satisfying to know that your ex-husband is reminded every month about his obligations to you and your kids, first and foremost. However, when all is said and done, a first wife remains a first wife forever unless she can stand on her own two feet without the financial support of her ex.
 
I’m not saying that every first wife should give up financial support.  All I’m trying to say is that I want out. I know that Bill will be the father of my children forever, but I need to separate myself from him as soon as possible otherwise I will in his shadow for the rest of my life.

That is not how I want to go forward. I don't want to be a third wheel to Bill and Pam. I would like to cut ties as much as I can. It’s  totally unhealthy for me to be tied to them.
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I tried to leave my meeting with Bill early but he wouldn't let me go. He was desperate. He couldn't return to his fiancée with bad news; he was stalling for time.
 
Then he broke down. "I have to level with you," he announced. "My financials are in shambles. I am overextended personally and in my practice. I just don't know how it happened. Courting Pam has been out of control...dating is very costly and everyone knows I’m a doctor so I’m expected to live in the fast lane.”
 
Bill went on to say he consulted a financial advisor a few weeks ago who will handle all his money in the future and that it’s likely the new budget will mean his current lifestyle will go down a peg or two.

“I just don't know how I am going to tell Pam. We have a lot of plans and the costs are killing me,” he told me. “I’m cutting back and I need relief everywhere possible."
 
With that, he began to sweat profusely. I never saw him like that. He started to look old. I didn't know if it was an act or not, but I couldn't let my guard down because I didn't want to be treated like a fool.
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Bill just didn't want to have lunch with me. He wanted to eat me alive.

As I heard the words come out of his mouth about how he wanted to reduce his monthly child support payments, how he thought he was entitled to more than half of the New York condo we owned together and how he wanted me to chip in for college expenses, summer camps and sporting events, my mind went back to the days when he told me he loved me unconditionally.

He was like a dog in heat. He couldn't get me into bed fast enough. He wanted to explore, explore, explore. He rushed me to have kids, buy real estate and to acquire all the trappings that come along with being a successful doctor.

After years of supporting him while he was in medical school, now Bill wanted to strip me of my 20-year investment in him. His head almost did a 360-degree turn when I detailed how I planned to take what was rightfully mine.

Most of you know me as the insecure divorcee who’s clueless about my future, but when I hit the lowest low, watch out. I’m fearless and I love to express it and watch others shit.  read more »

I made it home before Bill and his fiancée Pam returned with the kids. I could still smell Leo all over me. It was my secret. I didn't want Bill to know about Leo until I knew more about our relationship.

Easy come, easy go. Leo could disappear. I was trying to act mature but the thought of him not calling me made me feel very alone. I freaked out when I saw the new family of four enter my hallway. There they were. The new unit. I felt sick to my stomach. My kids, now a part of a family that didn’t include me. I wasn't prepared for this.

Why didn't I think about this as a possibility before? Bill just didn't seem anxious to get married again when we split. He seemed determined to dedicate himself to his practice and not get involved in the rat race.

How could I have been so stupid? He was probably sleeping with Pam before we separated. That snake. He made me feel so guilty for leaving New York. Now he was probably glad that I wasn't in the vicinity. He didn't have to worry about bumping into me at the market or the post office.  read more »

Leo's confession about his performance in bed made me wonder why he was spilling his guts to me. If this was merely a “wham, bam, thank you ‘mam” session on his boat, he certainly wouldn't have fessed up liked he did. I suddenly felt locked into a relationship. Is that I wanted?

I started to panic that I may have gotten myself into something I wasn't ready for. I went from a desperate divorcee and mother of two, to a rich man's confidant and paramour. I didn't quite understand how wealthy Leo was until we emerged from his master suite.

I was so nervous about the date that the enormity of the boat never registered in my brain. Neither did his lavish bedroom. It wasn't until I surfaced to the formal dining room accented by Baccarat Crystal that I gasped. There, before me was a lavish dinner for two, candles lit, silver shining, food galore and a staff of two making the final touches.

I felt so out of place I wanted to fold like an envelope.

Leo sensed my embarrassment immediately. He came to the rescue by pulling the chair out for me, motioned for me to sit down, and then rested both of his hands on my shoulder. He introduced me to Sylvia and Juan, the married couple who he hired to live on the boat, cook and clean. He also had a captain.  read more »

If Leo's foreplay put me into ecstasy, his encore deserved a standing ovation.  He pulled me into his arms where I sobbed like a baby. He let me cry for a few minutes in silence. I felt like I lost 10 pounds. I unloaded a ton of emotion; I’d been holding so much in that I just needed to relieve myself.  

I didn't cry the day I told Bill I wanted out. I didn't cry the day the kids and I moved out, nor did I cry when I looked at my divorce papers for the first time or heard that Bill was getting remarried.  Maybe multiple orgasms turned the crying faucets on because I flooded the place.

Leo was very tender with me. When I managed to quiet down, he asked if he did something wrong.  I told him he did just the opposite. Everything was perfect. He thanked me for the intimacy, for trusting him and being real.

Most of the women who he dated for the last year were more into themselves than into him. They were superficial. He learned a lot about facelifts, boob jobs, tummy tucks and butt lifts. He was an expert on plastic surgeons.  read more »

Of course the minute we entered Leo's bedroom on the boat I wanted to run home. My brain was telling me that if I wanted a serious relationship with him, this was not the way to do it. My body, on the other hand, was desperate for his touch.

My body won out because I wanted to be mischievous. I earned it. My ex-husband Bill and his fiancé were with my children telling them about their exciting future plans and I was yesterday's news. I needed something to reinforce my confidence and help me move on. Leo was it. At least he was last Sunday.

I could hear a tape of my mother in my head, “Who wants to buy the cow, if the milk’s free?”

I told Leo I knew exactly what I was doing and that I had no expectations from him no matter what he said. He gave me that Leo smile. The next thing I know his mouth was on mine. And then it was everywhere else. It wasn't so much his ability to perform that got me so excited. It was his passion—orgasmic. His intensity made me feel like I was the only woman in the world he wanted to be with.

I can't begin to tell you how much I needed that. For more than an hour, I was exploring new feelings and sensations that I never thought possible. I’m 39. How was this possible? Not only was it possible, it was happening to me.  read more »

Fit to sail—I wore a loose white blouse, white Capri pants, flip-flops, a not-so-great fitting bra (the others were dirty) and white, cotton underpants that were anything but sexy but covered my fat ass. Leo spotted me on the dock right away when I got out of my car.

I could tell he had an agenda and was needy. I don't know why I knew, but I knew. I’m very much into body language. Believe me, Leo was starving for affection. It upset me at first because I felt any warm body would have served his purpose.

We sat down for a drink at Monty's. He poured his heart out. At that moment he was so handsome and sexy I thought I would pop instantly, right then and there.

I got scattered details, but apparently his wife died two years ago in a car accident and he’s been miserable ever since. He’s only has been dating for a year and yes, mostly bimbos, one better looking than the other. At first they were all he needed but as time went on, he missed his wife more and more.  read more »

There’s a side to Leo that makes me suspicious and there’s a side to Leo that makes him so real. I kind of told him that when we were sitting at the bar at Monty's. 

I cushioned it by saying I was paranoid by nature but he looked a little surprised and maybe even a little hurt. I couldn't tell. He said that the minute he met me he knew he’d be comfortable with me for the rest of his life. I couldn't believe my ears. Why couldn't I just go with the flow and trust his words?

The negative side of me said, "this is total bullshit."  The one thing The Secret did for me was to help me express positive vibes. I couldn't fall into his arms and cry "where have you been all my life?" but I did smile back and put my hand in his. He immediately asked the bartender for the check.

I had no idea where his boat was located, but when we walked to the row with the larger cruisers my teeth almost came out of my mouth. I’m not sure how big this boat was but it had a huge cabin with three bedrooms. One big one, and two others that were lovely. He watched for my reaction but I didn’t show my hand.  read more »

At first I didn't think I had Leo's number. Then I found his business card in the book The Secret that each of us bought when we first met. I never really looked at his card before, but this time I scrutinized it. It said, “Attorney At Law.”

What the heck was that? He told me he was a businessman with lots of entrepreneurial ventures. Boy, this was getting interesting. I didn't hesitate for a minute. I promised myself that I was going to be positive to attract positive feedback just like The Secret suggested. I dialed the number quickly, realized it was his cell phone and got voicemail.

I left a message saying I was free for the day and proceeded to give all the sordid details as to why. I hung up and went into the shower.

I could hear the phone ring just as I was washing my hair. I smiled to myself. It was probably Leo. I was so happy that I wasn’t available to answer immediately. Ha! Let him wonder where I was. I was quite pleased with myself as I drenched myself in the hottest water I could handle. I needed a fresh, new start. The hot water scorched my body. Then I slathered on lots of body lotion. Fat and sassy. That's me.  read more »