Because pain makes you self-centered, we have divorce stories where a man wants his kidney back from his soon-to-be ex-wife and an ex-wife spikes her daughter’s teddy bear with a listening device to spy on her ex-husband.

Yes, folks, this is the reality of what happens in divorce — but not often to this extreme. While the media is delighting in these tantalizing morally depraved morsels of family splits and fits, and many divorced parents can privately say, “Well, I wasn’t that bad,” — these stories do serve the purpose of being a cautionary tale.

Having counseled divorcing couples, I try to remind people that the injustice of a divorce is that you are required to muster the strength to be a mature adult at a time when your impulses regress to wanting to be childlike and vindictive. It is why counselors — the good ones — make feuding parents put a picture of their children on the table so they can see what is at stake during the negotiations. There has to be a blinking light that switches on in your head reminding you that you will not make the best decision because of the stresses you’re under and to proceed with caution.

It is also why I repeat the mantra to one and all that you have to love your children more than you hate your spouse

As my friend Dr. Mark Banschick, the creator of the Intelligent Divorce course says, betrayal can blind you and turn normally nice people into thoughtless monsters.

Therefore we have these two stories.

In New York, Dr. Richard Batista, gave one of his kidneys to his ailing wife Dawnell while they were married. Now getting divorced — over her alleged affair with her physical therapist — the Long Island surgeon wants his kidney back, or more precisely, is demanding $1.5 million in compensation for what the organ is worth.

The splits. The fits. The emotional pits. And all the couples who called it quits.

This past year had it all. Some stories touched us, others moved us, many angered us, and a few even tickled us.

After much culling and sifting, we narrowed it down to 20 of our top picks from 2008. We hope you enjoy this little look back as we prepare to move forward.

The Let’s-Just-Be-Friends Award
(Most Amicable Divorce)

Robin Williams and Marsha Garces Williams

Talk about civil unions. No sooner had the couple announced their split after 19 years of marriage than they signed an official agreement stating "we commit ourselves to the collaborative divorce process and agree to seek a positive way to resolve our differences justly and equitably” — all for the sake of their two children. For those of you playing along at home, this is the way to go.

Runner Up: Dixie Chick Emily Robison and singer Chris Robison. How do we know they were both “ready to make nice”? Their divorce took a mere six months, and the filing was a scant two and a half pages.

The ‘Til-Death-Do-Us-Part Award
(Most Devoted Husband)

Mohammed Bello Abubakar

When Nigerian cleric Abubakar, 84, was told he had to divorce all but four of his 86 wives, he refused – even though doing so might lead to the death penalty. He is currently behind bars, fighting for his love. And you thought “Titanic” was the greatest love story ever told.

The Golden Goose Award
(Biggest Settlement)

Madonna & Guy Ritchie

Call him Guy Rich-hee-hee.

Madonna’s ex-husband, director Guy Ritchie, must be smiling now that he is $76 million richer as part of his final settlement with the Material Girl.

Well, it seems that what was material to both of them was an amicable divorce — which they have accomplished.

Madonna married Guy Ritchie in 2000 and together they had Rocco 7, adopted David, 3, and took care of Madonna’s daughter Lourdes, 12, from her previous boyfriend Carlos Leon. The couple also worked out a visitation agreement.

Don’t cry for Madonna since she is still worth hundreds of millions of dollars — a reported $600 million, in fact. Paying manimony won’t make a dent in her overall assets and she will have plenty of time now to increase her financial muscles by performing on stage instead of in court.

Ritchie can celebrate his victory at his British pub which he still will own and then sleep it off at their $30 million Ashcombe House country estate in Wiltshire.

Madonna gets to keep their marital home in Marylebone, London. And natch, her New York apartment where she reportedly has been hitting some homeruns with Yankee slugger, Alex Rodriguez (though he claims they are just friends).

According to a London source, Ritchie wanted to stay in their London home and split it in two but Madonna wanted her space and independence. She then gave him $18 million as compensation.

A friend of Madonna said last night: “She is fed up at reports that Guy is walking away with no money — she has sorted his finances for life.”

In the movie “First Wives Club,” Ivana Trump immortalized the words, “Don’t get mad, get everything.” In her indomitable way, she has done just that by shedding her latest husband, Rossano Rubicondi after seven months of marriage.

In the announcement, Trump said, “Rossano wants to live in Miami and work in Milan. But I am a New Yorker and my family, friends and businesses are here.”

It was no surprise that the marriage disintegrated. After Rubicondi, 35, was photographed snuggling with a blonde and licking a brunette named Sara Varone over the weekend, Trump, 59, trumped him by announcing that she had filed a legal separation three months ago and already said “Ciao.”

As she has often advised others, Ivana Trump had a pre-nup before walking down the aisle in the gardens of Mar-a-Lago, the Palm Beach estate belonging to her ex-husband, Donald.

Donald Trump told The New York Post that the family is happy.

"You can't be overly surprised by this, it's unfortunate it [the marriage] ever took place," The Donald told The Post. "The marriage was unfortunate and now it has to be unwound."

The Donald and Ivana had three children together: Donald Jr., Ivanka, and Eric.