Because pain makes you self-centered, we have divorce stories where a man wants his kidney back from his soon-to-be ex-wife and an ex-wife spikes her daughter’s teddy bear with a listening device to spy on her ex-husband.

Yes, folks, this is the reality of what happens in divorce — but not often to this extreme. While the media is delighting in these tantalizing morally depraved morsels of family splits and fits, and many divorced parents can privately say, “Well, I wasn’t that bad,” — these stories do serve the purpose of being a cautionary tale.

Having counseled divorcing couples, I try to remind people that the injustice of a divorce is that you are required to muster the strength to be a mature adult at a time when your impulses regress to wanting to be childlike and vindictive. It is why counselors — the good ones — make feuding parents put a picture of their children on the table so they can see what is at stake during the negotiations. There has to be a blinking light that switches on in your head reminding you that you will not make the best decision because of the stresses you’re under and to proceed with caution.

It is also why I repeat the mantra to one and all that you have to love your children more than you hate your spouse

As my friend Dr. Mark Banschick, the creator of the Intelligent Divorce course says, betrayal can blind you and turn normally nice people into thoughtless monsters.

Therefore we have these two stories.

In New York, Dr. Richard Batista, gave one of his kidneys to his ailing wife Dawnell while they were married. Now getting divorced — over her alleged affair with her physical therapist — the Long Island surgeon wants his kidney back, or more precisely, is demanding $1.5 million in compensation for what the organ is worth.

Patricia Arquette has filed for divorce from her husband, actor Thomas Jane. The two married in June of 2006 and have a daughter, Harlow Olivia, who was born in 2003. Turns out that their courtship lasted longer than their marriage. Though one doesn't want to believe that for Arquette marriage was "Flirting with Disaster," the name of one of her movies. More likely, they drifted apart as her career soared with the success of NBC's "Medium."

Arquette was married to Nicolas Cage in 1995, but they separated after only nine months. They didn’t divorce until 2000. She also has a son, Enzo, from her previous relationship with musician Paul Rossi.

Arquette filed for divorce from Jane on the grounds of "irreconciliable differences." Surely, her sister-in-law Courteney Cox must be saddened by the news. She recently declared that she would never divorce David Arquette, Patricia's brother, and do everything in her power to keep the marriage intact.

Most people work hard on keeping marriages together — especially when there are young children involved. However, there are effective ways to tell the kids that you are spliting — as well as many of examples of couples who have remained friendly after their divorces such as Robin and Marsha Williams as well as Demi Moore and Bruce Willis.

Carefully and thoughtfully managing a divorce creates the best outcomes because while you are breaking up, you are simultaneously rebuilding a new family structure.