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What can we learn from serial celebrity break-ups, billionaire bust-ups, misbehaving spouses, pants-on challenged politicos and the ever-shifting landscape of divorce law? Question is, "What CAN'T we learn"? With latte in hand and clicky finger at the ready, dive in for the best in divorce news, views, gossip, and buzz – assembled below for your reading pleasure.

Maureen Dempsey's picture

Japanese Women Slow to Remarry

Posted by Maureen Dempsey on Fri, 08/29/2008 - 11:50am

The Washington Post recently reported on Japan's declining marriage rate. Short story: Men are looking to wives to take over maternal roles, and that scenario isn't very appealing to most single Japanese women:

"There is the rarely stated but almost universal expectation of Japanese men to be fed, clothed and picked up after. 'I am willing to take care of and give comfort to a man whom I care about, but that does not mean I want to be his mother,' she said."

In fact, WaPost found that women who had married were less likely than their male counterparts to remarry after divorce. The article states that post-divorce, men are unhappy and remarry quickly, while "the women are relatively happy and often delay remarriage." Perhaps it's the "burn me once" theory?

In addition to the lack of women looking to take on the mommy role, a stalled economy and a posh home life are keeping adult children in their parents' homes. A Calgary Herald piece from early August reported that Japanese parents — fed up with housing, feeding, and taking care of their single adult children — were taking matters into their own hands and organizing events exclusively for parents to find mates for their children.

"A government report from 2005 showed 71.5 percent of men aged 25 to 29 were unmarried, compared with 47.1 percent in 1990. For women, 32 percent from 30 to 34 years of age were single, compared with half that number in 1990."

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Jill Brooke's picture

Cindy McCain Divorces Herself from Half-Siblings

Posted by Jill Brooke on Fri, 08/22/2008 - 12:18pm

Republican First Lady wannabe Cindy McCain has always said she's an only child — which came as a painful shock to her two half sisters. McCain's parents both had a child from previous relationships, but as was often the case a generation ago, these children were really treated as second class citizens.

Kathleen Hensley Portalski, 65, is the product of Arizona beer baron Jim Hensley and his first wife, Mary Jeanne Parks. Hensley and his second wife, Marguerite "Smitty" Johnson, had Cindy 11 years later. Cindy's other half-sister, Dixie L. Burd, was born to Johnson before her marriage to Hensley.

Kathleen Portalski told National Public Radio that being ignored by McCain has made her angry and hurt. "It makes me feel like a nonperson," she said.

How sad that anyone has to feel that.

Unlike today, where divorce settlements allow ample time for fathers to see their children — and many dads now are asking and getting joint custody — agreements years ago gave fathers little time with their children. Also, there wasn't as much effort by fathers to see these children and integrate them into their new family because there was a stigma around the word divorce (the divorce rate remained below 1% throughout the 1940’s) The idea of a "perfect" intact family and living up to that image was the driving force in society.

Portalski has told reporters that her father Jim would see her a few times a year, usually around Christmas and birthdays, and called “occasionally.” He also helped with school clothes and tuition. Later, he would also send some modest sums to Portalski’s kids.

Since there was no Firstwivesworld.com then — nor stricter laws enforcing child support payments based on income — many children like Kathleen were not integrated into their father’s new family.

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Michael Phelps proved that children of divorced parents can achieve swimmingly.

With his record 8 gold medals for the Beijing Olympics, the 23-year-old Phelps is considered the greatest Olympian in world history.

The tribute goes to his mom Debbie, a school administrator, who diligently drove him and his two sisters, Whitney and Hilary, to swim in their hometown of Baltimore. As a single mom, she also helped him through his ADD and proved to be a loving, supportive parent — and a smart one too.

Since Michael’s father Fred, a retired state trooper, was an invisible presence in their lives after the 1994 divorce, Debbie realized that swimming was a great release for her young son.

When he was 11, Michael Phelps bonded with swimming coach Bob Bowman, who became a surrogate father figure to the young boy. This often happens when a father figure is absent. A smart mother often tries to find another male figure, either in a relative such as an uncle, or perhaps a coach.

Only 9.2 percent of households are run solely by single moms and the challenges often result in higher high school drop-out rates and behavioral problems. However, with the right parenting, focus, and outlets, children are less impacted and can learn other lessons from the experience.

When asked about his father in interviews, Phelps has said that they occasionally “email” but shrugs his big shoulders when asked how it impacted him. He always refers to the love his mother Debbie gave him and his sisters.

But a philosophy of coping did emerge from this experience. Although a fierce competitor, Phelps is known to take the rare defeats in stride or even the pressure of constant competing. His famous saying is, “Whatever happens, happens.”

It is no surprise that a boy who didn’t have a father throwing baseballs, going to swim meets, or playing lacrosse with him had to find ways to make sense of this disappointment.

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Maureen Dempsey's picture

Divorce Ruining the Environment?

Posted by Maureen Dempsey on Tue, 08/12/2008 - 8:08am

The Australian posted a recent article on the impact of divorce on the environment. The claim? That the results of divorce — multiple homes, cars, energy use — is eating way at the earth's resources. One can't argue with that, especially as a new report by the Australia's Department of Environment, Water, Heritage and the Arts released the following numbers:

"A four-person family that breaks up will generate around 43 percent more garbage than they did when they were together. They will use up to 34 percent more water and up to 70 percent more energy, depending on the type of new dwellings being occupied."

But what we can argue with is the alternative: Stay in a broken relationship? And keep the kids there, too, just to cut down on the garbage and utilities? Please. A rise in energy consumption seems far less detrimental than forcing kids to stay in a glued-together, patched-up broken home. With the electricity they save now, they'll be running up their therapist's bill with all the hours they'll spend sitting on the couch in 10 years.

And let's remember, with second marriages come a union of two houses to one. Live Science reports that the environmental footprint of U.S. households who had "weathered divorce and remarriage shrank back to that of married households."

If researchers are looking to pin the environmental crisis on something, divorce is really the least of our worries.

The man who abducted his seven-year-old daughter in Boston last month was arrested in Baltimore over the weekend, and the girl was returned to her mother. On Tuesday the father was charged in a Boston court with felony parental kidnapping, assault and battery. He was held without bail.

And then the mysteries deepened.

Who is "Clark Rockefeller"? Could he be wanted in California under another name? Is he, as he presented himself, a secret agent? Or is he, as investigators believe, a former German exchange student? 

Another question: How could his ex-wife, Sandra Boss, a high-powered executive at the London office of McKinsey & Co., be deceived by such a shady character? Actually, any woman who has ever been wooed by a psychopath will know the answer to that one.

The London papers reported that Boss, who made more than $1 million a year, paid "Rockefeller" $1.5 million last year in exchange for exclusive custody of their daughter, Reigh.

The sticking point for shared custody, Boss said, was that she wanted to see "Clark Rockefeller's" valid birth certificate, and to know, finally, who her husband of 12 years really was.

He refused to reveal his identity, took the money, and began plotting their daughter's abduction, including buying an apartment in Baltimore under another assumed name.

She, finally sure that he wasn't a Rockefeller, changed their daughter's last name to Boss.

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Maureen Dempsey's picture

Bill Murray’s Wife Seeks Divorce

Posted by Maureen Dempsey on Thu, 05/29/2008 - 11:57pm

Jennifer Butler has filed for divorce from husband Bill Murray after more than a year of separation. The two have been married for 10 years and have four children.

Unfortunately, Butler's divorce petition detailed Murray's "adultery, addiction to marijuana and alcohol, abusive behavior, physical abuse, sexual addictions, and frequent abandonment."

Aside from a storied acting career, Murray is co-owner of the Charleston Riverdogs, a South Carolina minor league baseball team — although is official title on the team's web site is "Director of Fun." I don't know...from the aforementioned allegations, he doesn't sound like too much fun to me.

Seriously, though, it must be tough be married to these full-throttle, ad-lib kind of guys like Murray or Robin Williams (also in the midst of a divorce). Maybe the show never stops — and they never stop.

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Naomi Dunne's picture

Divorce Threatens Citizenship, Custody

Posted by Naomi Dunne on Thu, 05/29/2008 - 10:50am

Saudi men who divorce non-Saudi women are currently allowed to force their wives to leave the country and in many cases never see their children again.

Unlike in Western countries where marriage to a citizen grants automatic citizenship in and of itself, non-Saudi women who marry Saudi men do not get citizenship and can be asked to leave the country at any time. Since the children are the property of their father, the ex-wives can't take the kids with them.

One divorced mother of six who is originally from Syria told the Saudi Gazette that since she got divorced she has not been allowed to see her kids. She is terrified of being expelled from Saudi Arabia and never seeing them again. Her oldest child is only eight years old, and they "still need the care of their mother," she said.

The Saudi Arabian Foreign Ministry is in the process of examining possible solutions, including granting residence permits for women caring for their children.
While this is great in theory, I have a feeling that most Saudi ex-husbands will find a way to throw a monkey wrench into the best laid plans. The Foreign Ministry might let the women stay in the country, but the ex is under no obligation to let them anywhere near the kids.

While I sympathize with the plight of these women, there's an element of "What did you think was going to happen?" going on here. We've said it enough times before — Saudi Arabia is not exactly known for its women's rights movement, and the laws are barbaric at best. When it comes to Saudi marriage proposals, let the buyer beware.

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Maureen Dempsey's picture

"House Husbands" Looking for Their Share

Posted by Maureen Dempsey on Wed, 05/14/2008 - 11:12am

We reported a while back that more U.S. men are seeking alimony these days, and in a recent Telegraph article, it appears that British husbands are seeking financial support, as well.

One U.K. law firms states the number of men attempting to claim a piece of their wealthy wives' assets has increases threefold in the past year.

The number of "house husbands" has doubled over the past 20 years, as more women become the breadwinner. When it comes time for a divorce, SAHDs are looking to be compensated for their efforts.

I don't know about you, but it's not really a gender issue for me. If you've dutifully served as the homemaker and helped your spouse build a successful career, aren't you entitled to some sort of support?

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JulieSavard's picture

Study: Men Hit Harder By Divorce

Posted by Julie Savard on Tue, 05/06/2008 - 9:09am

Men are hit harder by divorce. So says Statistics Canada after performing a 10-year study on the effects of divorce on both men and women.

It makes sense. Women tend to think long and hard over their decision to instigate a divorce. A psychologist once told me that women take up to seven years to decide on whether to divorce their husband or not — and that once the decision is made, there's usually no going back.

Most men seem surprised when they hear the announcement of the desire for divorce. "I never realized... I didn't think it was that bad... Divorce?" They're shocked. They haven't taken time to contemplate whether divorce is the answer.

The StatsCan study also mentions that men suffer from higher rates of depression — the rate for depression was six times higher that of women.

This too, is understandable. Women have greater support systems of friends and family. They have emotional backup to help them deal with the effects of a divorce.

Women also tend to become the main caregiver if children are involved. They have companionship, responsibilities to maintain and duties to uphold. The men? They're left with an empty home, a lack of people, and only their feelings to deal with.

It's a painful situation. Solitude, isolation, a lack of support...It sounds like a good recipe for depression to me.

However, StatsCan didn't offer much backup for the causes of the post-divorce depression rates in men. The governmental agency didn't correlate custodial losses or change in parental responsibilities as being the issue to blame.

Common sense, though? I think so. Divorce is difficult for anyone to face. The thinking patterns, life changes, and ways that men tend to cope with emotional situations offers plenty of reason for increased rates of depression.

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Maureen Dempsey's picture

Divorce Does Not Cause Bad Behavior

Posted by Maureen Dempsey on Mon, 04/28/2008 - 11:17am

Divorce. It comes with some hefty baggage. And probably the heaviest cross to bear is the guilt of potentially damaging your children by splitting the family. But new research suggests that divorce doesn't appear to be the reason for some behavior problems, according to USA TODAY.

The recent article quotes Allen Li, associate director of the Population Research Center at the RAND Corporation in Santa Monica, as saying, "It really depends on the individual marriages and the family. My conclusion is that divorce is neither bad nor good."

Okay, we can work with that.

The study measured behavior problems, such as crying, cheating, or arguing frequently, in children ages 4 to 15. He found such a slight post-divorce increase in bad behavior that he deemed it statistically significant.

Li explained that bad behavior patterns such as these would have most likely been present in any home situation and was not a result of divorce or family turmoil.

Maybe that baggage just got a little lighter?

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